There is never a 'right' time to have a baby?

[tobabyornottobaby]

Aibu that there is never a convenient time?! We have one dc already, and we would like another, but life gets in the way! How do you decide to go for it? A quick rundown of our life atm, dc is 5, we bought our first home around 6 months ago, which was quickly followed by a promotion in my job, so I am relatively new in my office although not new to the company. My partner has a good steady job. We would love a holiday this year and a new car, so it seems irresponsible to throw in a new baby as well as all of that. I think the main thing holding me back is I feel bad on my team at work, leaving them short of one person all over again. How do you take the plunge?

Clearly I'm the only one with this problem 😂

how old are you both

It's not just you. There IS no good time. You also never know how long ttc might take so it's a lottery really timing wise. I've been in a new managerial role for about a year so far and am due in May, which doesn't feel too soon, so maybe you could start ttc in summer and see how you get on?

In my experience we just weren't ready as a couple to go through having a second until a lot later than we'd originally expected. Then it took longer to conceive and we had a mc so took even longer. We got there in the end, but just bear in mind things don't always go to plan.

You're not OP, it's just that some threads get missed!!
I completely agree-no time is a good time! Everyone I know has financial considerations to take into account-other caring responsibilities and life events and wants are always round the corner too. Can the new car/holiday wait, or could you stretch to one or both if you were able to get pregnant as well? What made you bite the bullet the first time round?

There never is. We are wanting to start this year, but I want to wait to get my promotion confirmed, us to buy a house & then we have Christmas in Australia.

Part of me thinks we should just start trying as it could take a while. But if it did happen straight away, it wouldn’t be great timing.

PS don't feel bad about your team - nobody is indispensible however much you are liked and valued and you shouldn't let that get in the way of extending/completing your family!

You never know when it will happen so you can never know if it's a good time but it will be the right time!

I'm In a similar situation ds (4) was a surprise so never actually planned to have a baby and now really don't know when to take the leap

No I fully agree. There are definitely times that are absolutely the wrong time for one reason or another (or several!!) but the proper “right time” never seems to really manifest itself. Especially when you’re thinking about such variables like how long TTC might take, possibility of losses, potential job uncertainty etc etc. It’s really hard to find the perfect time but I think so long as you know it’s not definitely wrong then it’s as near as damn it.

I felt bad because I started a new role in December at 6 weeks pregnant.

But will anyone really care? Probably not. They can replace me for 6-12 months and not have much impact. Do they go over and above for me? No. Why should I plan my life around them?

You’re right, there never seems to be a good time. I have a 5yo and would have loved another child sooner. But we bought a house, did some renovations to the house and have been waiting for money to settle down again, which it hasn’t. I’m now pregnant 😬 sometimes you have to take the plunge, or it might never happen.

I always thought that there was a right time... until we decided we wanted to start a family. We put it on hold 'just in case i got pregnant really quickly' as I had started a new job etc but now we've finally started trying and it's not happened yet so really could have started trying sooner. Kind of wish we had. But i'm happy we're trying now and it'll happen when it happens i guess!

My first wasn't planned, at the time it was a shock I guess but it was definitely the right time - I just didn't know it then. I've never had to make the decision before it was sort of thrust upon me! I think your all right, there is always something that pops up, I am due a contraception change very shortly and we have spoke about another one recently so I guess that's why it's a topic at the moment.

tobabyornottobaby you say your first definitely came at the right time but I'd bet you just made it work. That's what most people do. Maternity leave is so short in the bigger scheme of things.

I don't think there's ever a right time.

There's nearly always a reason not to.

It takes 9 months to grow a baby - time to establish self in role (plus longer if ttc takes a while). Work don't make their decisions based on your life, they could restructure or make you redundant at any time, don't put your life on hold.

Can you afford to buy a new car and have a baby? Our annual holiday this year is in the UK but grabbed a bargain at £350!

I have a 7yo, 2yo and 3mo. The hardest thing is fitting in naps at home for baby and activities for 7yo. As they get older there's less they'll have in common. We'll make it work, as would you, but it's certainly a factor when thinking about when the best time is. My DC2 and DC3 were both surprises and neither at "good" times but looking back it really wasn't an issue - babies just fit in.

I kept making excuses. Work is busy, we want to visit Italy first, money (or lack of) and then we bit the bullet and did it. Everything works out in the end, there really isn't a right time. We can all make excuses until the cows come home.

How old are you OP?
Also regarding work- don't worry about your team. They could easily sack you tomorrow with no thought for you or your family. Always keep that in mind.

I honk there’s never a right time, but there are definitely some wrong times.
DC1 was planned, and I fell pregnant very quickly after we got married.
DC2 was a surprise - I came off contraception as we were planning on starting to try for another baby, but I fell pregnant with him the same month I stopped the contraception which was unexpected!
DC2 fit into our lives very well, and being parents of 2 has been fine.
I’m now “surprise pregnant” with DC3, which was a condom failure. DH has just had to pass up the opportunity for his dream job because it would involve way too much time away after carting the whole family to the other end of the country. We also have to change our car which we can’t really afford to do.
We will love this baby obviously, and make it work, but the timing couldn’t be worse!

We let life get in the way after DC1, we realised we would have to actually schedule “right we’ll ttc after x,y & z or in Nov 20xx at the latest even if xyz haven’t happened”
There would always have been something else to get in the way/ prioritise. There’s 8 years between them which, as it’s all I’ve known had many more pros than cons.