To ask this of my ex?

[froggy3]

Split with him 5 years ago. 2 dcs with him. Eldest is 10. He is autistic.

Ex moved just over 2 hours away when we split up. He sees the kids eow.

Ds has a residential trip coming up in June with school. The trip is for 3 nights. With him being autistic, he couldn't cope with the full trip. His teacher has suggested he just come for the day.
Ds really wants to do this.

If he just comes for the day then someone needs to stay with him as school don't have the staff available to cover his 1:1 needs. They would if he was going on the full trip but he isn't able to do that.

The trip is close to where the ex lives. Well about 20/30 mins from him.

I have a baby so would struggle to stay the whole day with ds and have the baby. I'm breastfeeding and can't really leave him with anyone while I go off for the day. Ds will also probably need practical help doing the activities etc.

I have asked my mum for help. She would also struggle to stay the whole day as she has to take her dad to an appointment typically on that day at lunch time. But she did say she will be able to take him or collect him if that was a help at all.

So what I thought is if I took ds to the trip, ask my ex to meet us at there, spend the day with ds, then my mum will drive up and collect him at the end of the day.

Ex does work but is self employed and takes days off whenever he likes. Plus I am giving him a lot of notice, the trip isn't until the end of June.

I rang the ex and asked him what he thought. He got really arsey with me and told me he would do it but only as a very very last resort. He would rather me sort something else out first. Aibu to ask him to help?

No you aren't. He's a dick. The kid is his son too why the hell can't he do it? He's being lazy.

You are not being at all unreasonable. Is he going to explain to his son why he can’t go?

Why the hell would the father be the very very last resort? Surely the first resort!

Just say, yes you’re the last resort. So I’ll book you in.

And then try and let it go. He’s a dick, but it’s clearly never going to change

Cannot get my head around these dickhead blokes who think that any parenting at all outside of their 4 days per month is a favour to their ex. What an arse he is. He ought to be falling all over himself to facilitate his son being able to take part in something like this. It sounds like a great opportunity. You are absolutely not unreasonable to ask but I would imagine that this aspect of his personality is one of the reasons he is your ex and unfortunately you won't change him. Take solace in the fact that one day your children will realise for themselves what he is like and he will reap what he has sown over the years.

What a knobber..

He should most definitely be the first port of call and should have said "yes of course no problem".

Some men think your are asking them to do YOU a favour rather then thinking about their DC!

Nope have him do it

My exH is the same. He has the DC four days a month, pays bare minimum maintenance and thinks it’s a really, really big deal if he’s asked to do anything outside of this. Some men are just grade A arseholes OP.

This means a lot to your DS and it doesn’t sound like your ex would have to go hugely out of his way to make it happen, he also has four months notice. He’s being a twat.

Thank you all. I knew what the outcome of the conversation would be before I even rang.

I think it pisses him off as I've had another baby (with my dh) and the baby is the reason I can't do the trip with ds. Obviously my baby is nothing to do with my ex

of course he should step up to the mark but if he's that reluctant and arsey about it, would that be reflected on the day itself and would he want to get involved with the activities your son wants to do ? or would it be a case of 'knob' sitting on the side lines because he's got an 'injury' or some stupid excuse ?
be prepared for him to back out at the 11th hour too. i feel for you and even more so your son having such a lazy 'father'

@paintinmyhairAgain thank you. Ds loves him to bits. My dd is 7 and is slowly starting to realise he isn't really all that. She would prefer to stay at home on her weekends she should be with him and she really doesn't enjoy all the travelling to see him.

It just makes me sad. Our kids are my world. Just don't understand how he doesn't feel the same