My boyfriend has made my mental health worse

[user99999]

I've had chronic depression for years. My DP knows about it, but I've never really spoke about it so I don't think he thinks it's a big thing and never notices the signs when I'm going through a rough patch.
For the past 4 weeks I've been having way more bad days than good. I'm lazy and impatient and angry and overall drained. Every day I get up and tell myself in my mind that I'll do better for DS and I try with absolutely everything I have, I find the energy to get up and get stuff done and play, and I've been proud of myself for that.
I obviously haven't spoke to DP about feeling like this. I really struggle talking about it.

Last night he sat me down and had a conversation about how I'm being lazy and not pulling my weight in the relationship and that escalated to being told I'm a shit mum because if it was up to me I'd have DS living in a 'shit tip', I'm a shit mum because I don't play with DS enough. He told me he now prefers him over me because he knows he actually gets attention from him. He told me I'm a 'lazy bitch', that I'm ungrateful, that I'm a shit person, that he's only with me because he believes I'll make it difficult for him to see DS, that I need him and he could leave me 'on my ass' if he left and he'd have no problem because I don't deserve the stuff he's given me, berated me for only working part time and only going back to work when DS when 18 months and not beforehand.
Fair enough, I wasn't innocent in saying hurtful things. My guard went up but his comments hit home much more and I'm sure he must've knew when he was saying stuff about me as a mum.

I've woke up this morning never feeling worse. Feel like I'm absolutely useless as a parent- that it's them 2 with me on the outside as a useless and incompetent parent. I just feel awful.

Oh come off it OP! With all the will in the world, NOBODY is going to understand your depression without you talking about it.

And you don't like the IDEA of not taking medication? Really? What a cop out!

I think you needed the tough love talk. You are responsible for your health, and you have no right to let it impact in everyone else without making an concerted effort to do something about it.

You need to get proactive here, otherwise several things can happen. Firstly, your depression and general mental health can get worse, like really badly, breakdown, suicidal thoughts worse. I say this as the wife of a man who did exactly that. It's pretty shot in this end if it m, because I can't take the medication or get the therapy, he had to, and didn't.

Secondly, keep it up and you risk losing what you value. There is only so much any partner can be expected to put up with.

Ehlana, try being a bit gentler to someone with mental health issues.