Why won't DD go out warmly dressed???

[IHeartKingThistle]

She's in Year 7. She's just gone to school in knee socks and a short sleeve shirt, and her jumper. She managed to leave her coat in DHs car yesterday which he's driven off with so I made her wear one of mine (just until she gets in) and she went off crying. Because I made her wear a coat. In -1.

The snow hasn't melted here because it is fucking freezing still and there is a bitter wind. How messed up is it that I'm now feeling like a crap mum for not wanting her to freeze? 

It's not cool, is it, turning up in your mum's coat? But it's not a particularly mumsy coat! I said I don't care if it lives in her locker all day but she has to wear it to walk.

I should have just left it, right?

Sounds like a bit of a power battle. One tip I read is to put a thermometer somewhere visible (on a window?) and mark on it what needs to be worn at different temperatures - shprt sleeves, jumper, coat, coat and hat and gloves. Then the child gets to be responsible for looking at the thermometer and choosing what to wear accordingly. Might be worth a try.

I think it's just a young person thing. It's a sign of shameful weakness to be properly attired for the weather. She'll probably take the coat off as soon as she's out of your sight but you've fulfilled your motherly duties by making her take it.

I still remember the time it seemed to occur to me out of nowhere that I would be a lot more comfortable if I just wore a proper coat. I'm sure I was about 19, working full time and in possession of 4 good A Levels.

Young people are silly about coats. I remember standing waiting for a taxi in freezing weather outside a nightclub in just a skimpy dress because I refused to wear a coat. Now I wrap up in about 6 layers just to do the school run.

I would probably have done the same as you. One day without a coat probably wouldn't kill her but it's pissing with rain here so I'm sure she'll be glad of the coat if you get rain later. She can always take it off and carry it before she gets into school if she's that bothered.

It’s a rite of passage, I was watching teenagers at the park yesterday in -1 with not many layers. I think you don’t necessarily feel cold at that age I never used to but I absolutely hate being cold now.

Your a caring mum and she’ll end up doing what she wants but in the grand scheme of thing nothing much will happen if she gets cold.

My older two are the same, but from what they’ve said it’s more that they don’t want the hassle of dragging a coat around at school all day, and being cold for the ten minute walk to school is a fair trade-off.

It’s not like primary school where you can just hang your coat up right outside your classroom, so I can understand I spose.

I would just leave her to it. She won’t come to any harm, and maybe taking the battle out of it might make her realise it’s better to be warm. BTW-i bet you never see your coat again!

Honestly she probably isn’t cold! I remember my mum always complaining that I wasn’t wearing enough and would get cold. I don’t ever really remember feeling cold though. She also had an obsession with longer tops and jumpers and tucking things in “to keep my back warm”. Until about a year ago I thought this was completely ridiculous and odd. I’m 28.

At 12, I've decided ds is old enough to know if he's cold! He cycled off this morning with no gloves or coat - just shirt and blazer.

Do you not remember feeling the same and not bothering with a coat? DippyAvocado wanting to wear a coat when going out is a sure sign that the person has become an adult.

Maybe she doesn’t like her usual coat? Is it tragically uncool? I had to wear a lot of second hand clothes at school and I got laughed at for them. It was embarrassing.

I know people will say this doesn’t matter but I’m in my forties and I still remember it. Would she wear a more fashionable jacket? Superdry or something like that? Ask her. Maybe there’s a compromise between warmth and fitting in.

Its funny - I think it might be a British young person thing not universal. There must be a cultural root to it somewhere...

My 13 year old Dd's friend just called for her wearing a ski/ snowsuit, snowboots, hat and gloves, DD had a bit of a paddy because her 11 year old brother was already out in her skisuit, then put his on (they're rather snug in her...) With her parka, which did look slightly odd... Gloves, boots, hat and she's gone out. We're in Germany, lots of snow (actually our first ever snow day in 8 years of having kids at school here) but it's only -3 so not much colder...

I blame school uniform...

Ah yes, too cool for coats.

My ds (11) just flat out refuses to wear anything except a flimsy Nike windbreaker type thing.

I've let it go now, it's his body.

He at least puts on his skins under his football kit voluntarily these days, so I'm leaving him to it.

You weren't wrong though op.

I'm also hoping you see your coat again

Totally normal. Ds1 wouldn't wear a coat between y7 and y11 but started wearing thick cosy ones in y12. The closest he got to dressing warmly was gloves on icy days.

DS didn't wear a coat to go to school at all in Y7-13.

He had to walk to the bus stop and hang about in his blazer.

His excuse was that there was nowhere to put it once he got there.

I did 'encourage' him to wear a thermal layer under his shirt though in freezing conditions...

He is still the same now at 21 - he says he runs warm

DD 13 is the same. Wears her school blazer and that’s it, won’t wear the school jumper or school scarf. It’s uncool apparently!

DD informs me that nobody in y7 wears coats and afaics, she's correct. Except for dd who marches to the beat of her own drum and is wearing thermals, a long down coat, scarf, bobble hat and sheepskin mittens. She doesn't give a stuff about fitting in and says that her peers huddle around a vent at lunchtime, turning blue and feeling miserable.

I gave up on ‘the battle of the coats’ about 2 years ago and I must say my morning rattiness is remarkedly better since I admitted defeat.

DS (15) has not worn a coat to school in the last 3 winters. Last week it was -4 here and off he went with his blazer flapping open in the blizzard. Apparently to wear a jumper or (shudder) fasten his blazer would totally ruin his street cred. So now I don’t bother. Taken me a long time to get to this point though!

Jeez, they're all nuts!

Don't feel so bad now. She chose her own coat, happily wears it at the weekend. OK will choose my battles next time!

Speaking of which, while I have you here, she wants to give up piano lessons even though she loves being able to play. Having lessons is boring apparently. Do I let her jack it in when I know she'll regret it?

I don't normally agonise over my parenting this much - she's very lovely but 12 year olds are hard!

2 of my daughters like this they wear hardly anything to keep warm in winter and wrapped up like Eskimos in summer. I gave up in the end and it’s slowly working out better

Youngsters want to look great and sadly many coats don't cut it. It's silly and I agree with you but maybe if she goes off uncomfortably cold hopefully she'll learn her lesson - as long as she doesn't die of frostbite. The younger generation aren't wise though - how can they be when they haven't gained our experience of life?

I'm sure many parents and teachers despair.

To second a PP I also went out clubbing without a coat so when I left at 2am and had to wait for a night bus I was freezing! I did learn from this though and eventually packed a bag of clothes (tracksuit bottoms jumper etc.) to wear afterwards! I was toasty

I wish I could say why I went out cold though... I think it messed with my image?

Isn't this just a British thing? I don't remember ever seeing it in the other countries I lived and worked in (teaching).

She is in Y7 not reception, why are you forcing her to wear clothes she doesn't want to. Seriously controlling.

Same with piano lessons, if she doesn't want to do them then stop forcing her. She is a human being not a robot. Do you not understand she has a mind of her own!

Both my kids, now 25 and 21 never went to secondary school with a coat. Used to drive me mad.