Is school being unreasonable? Weird?

[User544788275748282947]

Sorry - posting for traffic - have posted in education too...

I always gather, from reading AIBU mainly! And from other forums etc... that if things are not going well in school, you should work with the school, talk to the teacher etc... and make sure you communicate with school...

Well, DS is now in year 2 and I have some concerns about his behaviour and about the class (v disruptive). I've tried to talk with the teacher but get palmed off. My concerns are serious concerns that I want to discuss, to the point that I might move my son to another school if matters don't resolve, but the teachers don't seem to want to know. When I requested to speak to the form teacher, the head of year phoned me to ask me not to(?) I subsequently emailed the headteacher to let him know about my worries about DS and that I was thinking of moving him to another school, and he did ..... nothing .... ?

This is an ofsted outstanding school??

Is this weird ?

I know teachers are busy, but if a parent has concerns to the point that they are saying they are seriously considering removing a child from the school and are actively visiting other schools to look round, wouldn't you invite them in for a chat? Even just to offer them 5 minutes to air their worries?

Head of year? Blimey, how big is this primary school??

It's 3 form entry :)!

Yes, I think it is very unusual for a teacher not to make time to meet with a parent who is requesting it. Can you email back the teacher who asked you not to meet with the class teacher and ask who would be appropriate for you to discuss your concerns with?

Ask reception for a copy of the procedure/route for flagging concerns. I'm fairly certain it's mandatory that they have these?

If no joy then you are free to write to the Governors.

I'd say it's unusual.

But, as you say Ofsted, I'm assuming it's a state school? And as it's outstanding I'm assuming it's popular? Those two things might explain their attitude. I work in a rural private school and a parent only has to so much as breathe the words 'looking at other schools' and we are bending over backwards to keep them. But an oversubscribed state school might just be thinking, 'great; one goes and we can give a place to someone from the waiting list who really wants to come.'

What concerns do you have? Have the school flagged any concerns with you?

OP, make sure you keep trying to speak to the school, but look into alternatives as well.

My DCs are now adults. They went to a C of E Primary School in the North, which was for the most part a really great school during most of the the years that they spent there. The Head was an amazing man who inspired the children to do well in life and all former pupils speak very well of him.

When my DS was nearing the end of his time at this school his male teacher in the last year seemed to decide that he did not like DS and made many attempts to cause problems for us. He criticised DS and said that he did not have any friends, was antisocial and made out that DS needed mental heath intervention for a personality disorder. DS had plenty of friends in our neighbourhood and was very involved with football, swimming and rugby teams. He later got his county colours playing rugby for Yorkshire at junior level. Obviously DS wasn't perfect, few pupils are, DS was probably a nuisance in class because others were behind him and he was not stretched in the state system . But as far as I know this teacher was not a fully qualified psychologist and was very much over reaching his remit.

After speaking to this teacher on my own after school on a few occasions and feeling quite bullied, my DH went and spoke to him. He got a very different reaction from the same teacher, who agreed to back off and let DS finish the last year and move on to big school, without unnecessary slurs on his character.

Many years down the line DS is a qualified lawyer, works in the city and has done extremely well in his chosen career. This is not so easy to achieve coming from a state school background, but DS has done it. The teacher who seemed to have so many problems with him as a pupil is still a primary school teacher, now close to retirement. DS has probably achieved much more now than the teacher who slighted him ever did in his entire career.

We spoke to other parents around the same time who had similar problems with this particular teacher, yet their kids went on to do quite well in later adult life. One parent removed her child from the school because he was targeted by this teacher and yet he did very well in another school. Another mother had similar problems with this teacher , removed her child, yet her DD went to uni and has done well in life.

I assume this is a public school? If you have concerns and are getting no response from them direct you can write or email the head of children’s services instead. They can look into it for you

Totally off original topic but “Many years down the line DS is a qualified lawyer, works in the city and has done extremely well in his chosen career. This is not so easy to achieve coming from a state school background”

As an ex City lawyer and state school pupil, this absolutely isn’t true, and daft statements like this should be challenged so that they don’t put people from state school backgrounds off applying for careers in law.