Monster in law

[paigeadkinx]

So I've just had a baby not even 6 week ago and have a two year old that isn't my partners daughter but her biological father isn't in the picture and my partner has raised her.
Anyway my partners mum ever since the new baby has been born and even a little before baby was born she has been so interfering and making me feel small. She comments on my parenting and tells me that I'm not doing something right and I should do it another way. She tells me I need to stop breastfeeding so she can have him over night and for the weekend and when I told her no she went out and bought a cot for her house for him to sleep in and said you need to let him stay now so I'm not wasting my money. She asked for a photo of him and when I sent it asked who the outfit was from and when I told her my mum she said it was disgusting and that he needs to be in much cuter clothing. We spent New Year's Day having food and enjoying the day up until she started telling everyone they couldn't hold the new baby because she had only had one "long cuddle". This then made the day super awkward and no one enjoyed it. I'm also planning a christening and was going to get them christened catholic as this is what I am and what all my family are, they are not. So she constantly messages my partner slagging me off cause it's disgusting to have the new baby catholic when he isn't, and says that he should be Church of England because he is a proper name deleted by MNHQ (my partners surname). I have tried to talk to her and tell her how I feel but it's not stopped, she try's to make her son feel bad if he wants to visit his dad side of the family all because she doesn't like them and makes us feel bad for visiting my family cause she wants to see baby and won't give anyone else a chance to see him. Sorry for the rant but I just don't know what else to do, my partner won't talk to her and tell her to just calm down a little bit and I've tried but she hasn't listened! My mum and dad came for Sunday lunch today and she told my partner that she was disgusted that they was round having dinner and they was seeing baby and she wasn't. I just don't know what else to do! I've just had enough and feel like I can't win.

Balls to that, tell you DP to fix up and her to fuck right off.

He was absolutely fine with a catholic christening as he doesn't go to church and has only ever been when he was christened, the only time his mum has attend church is for her own christening and his, so was confused as to why she was bothered, she just likes the control and to stick her nose in.

He needs to step up and tell her to wind her neck in.

When the Sky Falls had a really good reply.
I am so sorry you are going through this wretched stress when you should be enjoying your baby and you have your hands full.
She doesn't listen to you so put it in writing, texting is the best way. Also. You have a record of what was said.
You have to remind DP and get his agreement that you two and not your MIL are bringing up your children. You two decide the rules, what they eat, wear, where they learn etc. She has had her time to do this and trying to do it when he is a father himself is just bats.
DP has to tell her very clearly that she must stop sending him nasty texts about you and that he will not tolerate them. He must tell her, by text if necessary, that this is not helping either of you cope with a new baby and that it is unkind and she has to stop.
You know what she is like now. So you can be prepared. Have some calm firm phrases that you repeat when she is making demands about breastfeeding. And don't reply to the nonsense. Just say, DP and I have already made that decision. Then if its still going on ask DP to remind his mother that the two of you, your child's parents have already made the decision. And repeat.
You don't have to justify letting your parents see the baby or sending them a photo. It sounds like your MIL needs to see her GP.
If this persists and your DP is still finding it difficult to stand up to her and protect you - you could try getting some couples counselling so that they can help you both find a reasonable way to deal with this. Very best of luck x

Ditto what Skyfalls says. Brilliant reply!

I would be out of there if your DP cannot or will not protect you and the DCs from his overbearing mother.

If you are not married I would register the DC with your surname because at this rate you are likely to become a single parent. Is the older child your name or the bio dad's name? If your name it would be better to have bothDCs in the same name.
Does your DM (or DParents) know how this woman is behaving towards you? I think if I was your DM I would feel justified in telling DP's mum to back off.
I think you have to be careful here, if this is the pressure you are getting in under 6 weeks what will it be like from now till New Baby is 16 or 18 years old. Also watch how other child is treated

Your partner needs to stand up to her and set boundaries. If he won't it'll just get worse and cause a rift between you. Could your mum stay with you for a bit to give you some support in dealing with her? You must just lock the door so she can't just turn up or let herself in and stand up to her. Don't back down or she'll never learn you're in charge and you call the shots

Move as far away as you can from her.

Why should you move?!

Tell her simply;
"Please don't come around without calling/texting as if im BFing or resting i will NOT open the door.
Its best you return the cot as i do not wish my child to be away from me overnight for quite a while.
Please stop complaining about me to my DP as it will only serve to put me off having contact with you and/or arranging times for you to see my dc."

Why is your partner telling you all of the horrible things she says about you? Do you not comprehend how seriously fucked up that is? You're partner is a useless manchild, not even adult enough to stand up for the mother of his child. Now THAT is disgusting.

This ^ my ex’s mother was excately the same with ds over powering and bearing. He never stuck up for me and utilmately he’s now an ex.

I had a very interfering mil. She was an absolute nightmare.

You need to nip it in the bud, well your partner does. He has to tell her that this baby is yours and his and she is completely crossing a line.
Mine did this, it didn’t go well, she shouted at him that our Dds were her grandchildren and she’d see them whenever she liked . We ended up moving house to an hour away so she couldn’t just “pop round”. It was the best thing we ever did!

OMG OP put your foot down and tell her to do one. Your baby your rules.

Well isn't she a peach. You've got to nip this in the bud or she'll only get worse. If you give her an inch...

Your DP needs to be stepping up here. From what you've said it sounds like his past approach is to not let it bother him and just knod and ignore. Somewhat similar to my DH and is fine....until it's not and until it effects you or your children detrimentally. It's never going to be in your babies best interests to be away from you so young, or yours! So DP needs to step in. In your shoes I think I'd be saying I was planning to bf until he's at least 3!!!

I'm guessing your DP doesn't like confrontation so he needs to see that he'll get just as much confrontation by not dealing with it as he will by dealing with it. At least by dealing with it there's a chance of things possibly improving for you.

You need to stand up to this bossy mare, she seems like a right nightmare.
As she is very rude, I would be direct and tell her to fuck off. She is way to much.