Is private school best for a very bright child?

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Sorry for another 'Is private school worth it?' thread but I'm so confused!

DS1 is in state primary, very bright and very shy/lacking in confidence/a bit nerdy. Wanting to explore all the options we put him in for the 11+ entrance exams for a local private school with a good reputation. With very little prep he did really well in the exams and has been offered an academic scholarship. Even with the scholarship the remaining fees are quite high. We live comfortably and could afford it but not without sacrificing savings, holidays, treats, etc.

DS2 is less academic and wouldn't get a scholarship, not even 100% sure he'd get a place or even if he'd want to go, but I'm very aware that if we send one we have to be able to send the other if that's what he wants and is the right decision at the time. Financially that would be just about possible but would mean serious cutting back.

I do feel that the private school would be a great environment for DS1 and push him to achieve whereas my fear is that as a bright kid the local state school wouldn't need to put as much effort into him. I also think that maybe the private would give him more opportunities, particularly that would give him the confidence he needs. But is that worth the money or do I take the attitude that he will succeed whichever school he goes to and the added extra isn't worth it? I don't have any experience of private schools so feel a bit lost as to what the best thing to do is and would appreciate if anyone has any relevant experience/thoughts about what we should be considering?

Thanks!

well, in general terms, no a private school is not necessarily the best school for a bright child.

The thing is, it isn't really about state v. private, it is about the school.

You need to look at the school options available to you, I know some great state schools where a bright child would flourish. I also know some crap private schools where the entry requirement is more to do with money, so they wouldn't have a bright peer group anyway. And obviously vice verse

So, investigate all your local schools, and decide if this particular school is the best fit for you ds.

I think it depends entirely on the school and if he would be happy there or not. There are lots of pro's and con's but you have to take into account how DS2 would be with his brother going to private school when he is not able to.

My daughter got a part-funded place at a private school and we pay the rest of the fee's (it's a lot for us) but it's a brilliant school and she's very happy there so it's worth it. We now need to get DS in there too though, and he has Irlen's and struggles with his work so he's having extra tuition and he is doing well (he has a couple of years before high school to catch up) it is a worry for us that he won't pass the exam though.

Sorry not saying that you are not sending DS2 ... just that it's hard making sure they both get a place

Depends on your local schools I guess. My DD did much better in her GCSE's and A levels compared to three of her friends who went private. There are lots of factors to consider really. Would it be really worth having no money to do anything else during the school years? More opportunities at private can and do come with an additional price tag depending on what you mean by those.

If you don't mind her boarding, why not consider a school like Christ's Hospital? Fantastic academics, and less expensive than a private school.

him not her!

Shouldn't you have thought of all this before you put him in for the 11+?

Nothing crueller than getting him to sit it, getting an academic scholarship and then changing your mind.

All secondary schooling has its ups and downs and if you go for state schooling you'll always wonder. Although he'll probably be fine wherever he goes if he's bright.

Plus- pretty mean of you to have stopped someone else getting the academic scholarship if you turn it down!

All the schools in a 10 mile radius from us are very good. Our local secondary is superb and pushes bright children hard. They push Ds1 hard and I'm thrilled with their pastoral care aswell.

Depends if your local schools are similar.

it depends- i find private schools better for less confident children as they tend to get ignored in state schools. however, that massively depends on the private school as well, and the size and quality of the state options. there is no “always better”, it really depends on where you are!

Having done private schools with mixed successI would say that a very bright child will do well wherever, Its the not soo bright who may benefit from a private school

I tend to look at it the other way round. My very bright child went to the local comprehensive and excelled. My less bright child - average at a state primary - went to private school (it had a selective entrance test) where we thought the smaller classes and more nurturing environment would suit them. My comprehensive-educated child did better than her privately school educated sibling - but that was to be expected. If your child is bright, I would go for the state school every time.

I think private is actually best for middling children as the smaller classes/ extra pressure generally leads to better exam grades. However, I think they can also really damage children who are anxious as there is more pressure (maybe particularly for a scholarship child). How resilient is your ds? I also don't think it's worth sacrificing family memories, holidays, savings for the future etc. If it were me, I wouldn't.

We were in same boat but have four children. We turned down an academic scholarship to an outstanding prep school because the Head told me "I had a duty to send my extremely bright child to my school" and then proceeded to map out his life to me (naming an outstanding private secondary/Oxbridge ETC). I thought it was WAY too much pressure for him. He was 7 FFS! He has gone through the state system (as have all 4), is absolutely flying at his selective state grammar, as are three of his four siblings, and we have had far more fun as a family than we would have been able to if we were paying fees x4.

I think you need to look at the school with a very critical eye, go and look at the state options and ask how they will challenge and engage your son and decide. (And, contrary to what another poster said, the scholarship my DS won, was offered to the next child on the list, so he actually freed up an award for someone....)

No. I was bright child who was sent to a private school that didn’t suit me because “private schools are best for bright children”. I didn’t thrive and I didn’t do as well as I could have done because the school simply didn’t suit me. My parents also didn’t consult me at all - I wanted to go to a very good local state school which had proven results for bright children (including close friends of ours). I still hugely resent them for it.

Look at all the possible schools and decide in conjunction with your son (to a reasonable level!) which will suit him best.

Don’t worry about the scholarship, if you don’t take it up they will award it to someone else whether in this intake or the next.

Financially, I think if you can’t afford it for both then don’t send either and use the money to enrich their lives equally. Even though I got a part scholarship to my private school, the fees were still a stretch and my brother missed out on an awful lot because there was never any money left after my fees were paid. Cue more family resentment!

It isn’t as wide as state vs private. It is school vs school.

However, DD is very bright and just flew at her private prep both academically and emotionally.

It depends on the school and the child. In this situation a state grammar would be ideal. Are there any near you

Would your DS prefer to be the top of the class / year (or near it) or more middling? Some children thrive being top, some coast unless there’s a bit of competition. Which school would allow him to be in the position that suits him?

I would be wary of going private just because it’s private - some aren’t very academically selective at all. If you post on the secondary education board you may well find some current parents and some experts who can give you some insider info on that particular school.

But equally, I think some schools can be horrible places to be a bright, shy, nerdy boy. And you’re right to try and protect him from that, and find somewhere where he will fit in and have friends.

Depends on school as others have said. My children’s private prep school has half a dozen transfers every year from the local state primary. The parents I’ve spoken to have been delighted with the move because their children are being challenged and extended in a way they were not at the state primary. But then I know someone else who moved their child from a non selective private secondary to a grammar so they were extended more (and again it’s worked well for them). But down to the school, not private vs state per se.

Also meant to add, state comprehensives tend to have more subjects on offer as well. So my comprehensive-educated child did 14 GCSEs (getting A/A in all ), the privately educated one did 10 (getting, I think, 3A/A, 6B, 1C), which we were very happy with. But she moved to a comprehensive for A-levels (not the one their sibling was at). But as it turned, out it's the one with the lower grades who went to a top university. The brighter one chose not to go to university at all.

Don't have much time to go into a lot of detail. From my experiences of both private and state. I would say go Private. Small class sizes , better facilities and less bullying/threat of violence. Its sounds very dramatic but it is my experience and I did very well in the state system.

As most posters have said, it depends on the school. State/Private, Private/State? The OP will have to do a lot of research.
Many "High-Up" Socialist politicians have succeeded in sending their children to very superior State Schools. Not always open to the rest of us.
Not all "Private Schools" are good. A long time ago, I attended a Private School. It was, frankly, not very good.
So.……….the OP must do what she thinks is good for her children.
At least Posters have not urged her to send her children to a State School, (good or not), as sort of "cannon-fodder" to help the other school-children.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it's given me a few more things to think about, not that I'm any closer to a decision yet!

To answer a couple of your questions/comments, unfortunately there are no state grammar schools in our local area so that's not an option, I wish it was as I totally agree that would be the perfect middle ground.

I don't think I've been cruel in any way as he isn't desperate to go to either school, if he was it would make the decision a whole lot easier. He wanted to sit the tests as a challenge to himself and is very proud of how well he's done, as are we. We had no idea if he was bright enough to get a scholarship until it happened as being the brightest in a small state primary in a disadvantaged area doesn't necessarily mean he can hold his own on a larger scale - turns out he can. And I'm quite confident that should we turn it down the scholarship won't go to waste. He can see the benefits of both schools and is happy to be guided by us but knows his opinion counts.

RedCabbageStains you make an interesting point about whether he would prefer to be top or needs competition. It's hard to say as he's always been top but if he feels that is threatened he does work harder to maintain it. I think he'd coast in the state school but still do well, it's just placing a value on the marginal(?) difference private would make.

So many factors and so many unknowns, coupled with me being a rubbish decision maker. I feel a pros and cons list coming on...

Thanks again.

We’ve use different both - although not for intellectual ability. Our eldest was offered scholarship for a prep from nursery assessment but we turned it down. They went all through in state primary and then comprehensive. They had challenge, they had peers, they achieved as high as their partly publicly educated siblings. They came out with 6As at A level and grade 8 distinction violin, amongst other achievements. They had the choice of any university they wanted but chose to go to one they felt suited them.
Choose the school they’ll be happy in as truly bright children achieve regardless. Miserable children tend not to achieve as highly. Private isn’t necessarily better - they are just more selective.

If he is bright search fir a good state school and use the money fir outside educational things. Is there equivalent of a grammar school for boys in the UK.
TBH the fine few of my friends from a wc or lower mc background who went to private school actually judged their parents much more.
One friend felt she was alienated in the area, and alienated in school for coming from this area. Unless you can truly afford to send both children and have an OK lifestyle then I would look for a good public school. Public schools in mc areas do well.

Ds1 is v, v bright. He's doing very well in a state comp because its a good school that caters well for a wide range of students. We enrich the state school offer by encouraging his hobbies and interests (he plays piano and percussion (£££) and does scouts).