to use the ansaphone to 'callscreen' from my MIL and SIL

[Bellington]

My first baby is now 11 weeks old and although its been a struggle (ie at times both wonderful and horrific!) I feel that Im not doing too badly. However both my MIL and SIL are incredibly bossy and seem to feel its ok to either ring or come over whenever they feel like it and criticise me or constantly tell me what I should be doing with my daughter i.e. You can't put her in blue, have her ears pierced etc. As soon we see them, my daughter is taken out of my hands and passed from one to the other until we leave and I am completely ignored as they decide whats best for her. Its making me feel that I don't want to see them but I realise this is unfair on my hubbie. Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with them?

Don't think YABU at all. Not sure how I would deal with this - except to miraculously become very busy and try and get out as much as possible. Have lots of committments than mean visiting inconvenient. And then try and arrange to see them with your dh as well. Prearrange maybe once a week to see them at a set time and maybe at their house instead of yours.
Imagine you are a duck and let their comments be as water.

Call screening is very sensible.

About visits - can you arrange visits with them in advance? And then if they turn up uninvited, stand and talk to them at the door and say "sorry I can't invite you in, bit busy now". They won't like it but they'll get the message.

They're going to want to cuddle your dd when you're with them - but you can keep the visits nice and short! And are you bf'ing? Because thats a good way to get her back in your arms.

You have to just ignore all the advice. Or start giving it back (MIL, I really don't think you should wear blue, it clashes with your complexion). And you can just contradict them (yes of course I can put her in blue, she is my daughter and I can dress her how I choose, besides, doesn't she look gorgeous?)

And if they criticise, try "please stop criticising me" repeated ad infinitum with a nice calm smile on your face.

All easier said than done of course. Good luck!

thanks to both of you - im gonna get to practise your advice sooner than expected - just received a call to tell me mil on the way round!!! Wish me luck.......

YANBU - you can do whatever you like at the moment IMO!! Anyhoo - that's what ansaphones are for n'est-ce pas?

wear a sling! I have yet to meet a grabby relative who would dare to actually reach inside a sling and remove a baby! They might try and take her from your arms but if she is physically strapped to you just let them dare.
Put your foot down and don't feel bad for doing so!
good luck

who 'told' you she was on way round? I really really hate it when MIL decides she is going to come round without arranging it so I screencalls and if I were you I'd go out this afternoon!!!

Its soooo good to know Im not just over-reacting or being a hormone horror - thank you for reminding me there are normal people out there (unlike my mil!) As for the bf idea - very successful and will be using the sling from now on!

I screen calls all the time, there needn't be a child in the house as far as I am concerned

Not unreasonable at all, you stick to your guns

Agnes

I too screen calls all the time!! When dd was born MIL had a key to our house (from before I was on the scene) and she started to let herself in at all times of the day - I once woke up after a mid morning nap to find her in the utility sorting through our washing to take on with her!!! She has a real thing about airing clothes and had decided to do all of dd's laundry just in case I made her ill by not airing properly! In the end got completely hacked off with her being there all the time and persuaded Dh to get the key from her - had to remind him he now had a wife so didn't need his mother to come in and do all the cleaning, washing and cooking. Although to be honest a couple years down the line that actually sounds like it'd be rather nice.......... My point? YANBU! Screen the calls and if she's already on her way and you can't deal with it, lock the door, pull the blinds and retire into a back room being really quiet until she's gone!!!!!!!

My MIL was obsessed with airing clothes too Boowidger - she gave me a long lecture about it before DD1 was born. Eventually I snapped and said 'I don't tend to go round in damp clothes myself you know.' To which, nothing daunted she replied 'Yes, but babies' clothes have to be ABSOLUTELY dry'!!!
Bellington - when my DD1 was a few weeks old SIL actually burst into tears one day because I was doing something differently from how she thought I should do it. 'But what is the point,' she hiccuped inelegantly through her sobs, 'of giving you all this advice when you just won't take it.'
She backed off a bit after that. Sometimes you just have to confront them, as calmly as you can manage.

No, YANBU at all.

Best way to deal with unwanted in-laws is to ignore them and their advice.

I do it all the time!

I smile sweetly then do my own thing, mind you years on Its more of a grimace. Mine drives me mad

YANBU I dont answer the phone to my MIL she keeps phoning every 10 mins till I do or rings my mobile and say where have you been? you didnt say you were going out !!!!!!!

I live 150 miles away and am 31 but it seems I need permission

I love call screening. When DH is away on business, and the phone rings, I never answer the phone if my ils or DSS's mum rings. I love MIL, but FIL just witters on about nothing, and DSS's mum has DH's mobile number so she can talk to him on that if she needs to speak to him!
Plus if it comes up as unknown number as it's probably some bloomin'sales call!!

No YANBU. You need to get out of the house more methinks, have you got any sympthetic friends/neighbours/family who you could pop in and see for an hour? That'll be one way of avoiding them. I take it mil and sil live pretty nearby? My bil & sil used to live on street over from her mum's and they got so fed up with people just turning up announced (again they had small baby) they moved 3 miles away...

Rosa rest assured you are not the only intelligent self-sufficient adult woman who apparently cannot manage her own laundry. MIL even bought me a bottle of stain remover for christmas last year (wrapped beautifully of course)! Can't wait to see what 'present' she comes up with this year to deal with my inadequacies as a wife and a mother!