Leaving your bf baby.

[changers5]

Not a TAAT, just curious. I've noticed a lot of people recently saying they left their your ebf babies with Dad/grandparents/siblings etc for 'only a couple of hours because baby is ebf'

I'm a first time mum to a small nearly 3 month old. He's 12lbs and healthy as can be. He still feeds every hour to every 30 mins though. This has always been the case.

I'd love to leave him for a couple of hours with DP (I want my nails done and wouldn't take DS in to a smelly fumey nail salon!) but he just feeds far too often...

Anyone else's baby like this? Starting to question whether it's normal (it's exhausting!). His weight gain is fine. Should I be doing something differently?

Bottles are a no no as we had to give them when he was born (he was too poorly to bf) and weaning him off was 2 weeks of hell!

I was able to leave DS for an hour or 2 at 3 months old. Gave him a really good feed and left. From him deciding he was hungry to full on screaming (never happened) would have taken at least an hour so DH would have asked me to come if he couldn't stop him crying.
Have you tried a cup instead of a bottle?

It's normal, mine was the same. Is there a cafe where your dp can sit that's near the salon so your time away is reduced? You can feed til your appointment and just let him comfort ds while you're away.

Babies are often worse when their mum is around too as they can smell you.

I think at 3m the most I could leave baby for was 2hrs, she's 7m now and I can leave her for 3 or 3.5 at a push. I rarely do but I could

Mine fed that often too but mainly for comfort not hunger. I just expressed to make sure when I left him. Now that BF is established I would imagine it will be much less of an issue to give him a bottle.

Mine was the same!

I can’t leave ds for a couple of hours as he would inevitably need feeding in that time. Or not need so much as want.
So I take him everywhere with me even if just popping out. Although ironically when I do this he never needs feeding because he will sleep in the sling the whole time we are out.

So yeah I’d say it’s quite normal. I’m fortunate that DS will take a bottle of ebm though, so although I’ve not left him yet, I know I can (meal out with friends planned for a couple of weeks time - I can not wait!)

mine is 5 months and was like this too but suddenly started going longer between feeds around the 4 month mark. Now feeding every 3 hours.

Try giving bm in a cup if a bottle is a no no. If he’s feeding for real hunger rather than comfort he’s more likely to take it.

My DD was the same, but I had to leave her for a couple of hours for an appointment when she was around 12 weeks and she was fine. I think because I wasn’t there she just wasn’t that bothered. She was still calm and settled when I got home.

I started expressing after that so that DH could give her a bottle at night, and she would take it no bother. I then left her for most of the day when she was 16 weeks for a hen party and she was fine again (I didn’t particulate enjoy it so didn’t leave her for as long again until she was around 1)

We introduced bottles of expressed milk at 2 weeks so partner could feed every day.

Dd fed pretty much 4 hourly so it meant i could go and get bita done without baby in tow if i wanted

I had a sacker like yours. Fed on and off all the time, so I couldn't predict when the next feed would be. I didn't really go anywhere alone until 5 months and even then not for long!

I did find she would go longer between feeds if out in the buggy with lots to look at. I sometimes thought about sending DH for a long walk if I needed to do something.

If my baby isn’t near me she doesn’t feel the need to bf as often, but if I’m around she wants it constantly! I think it’s out of sight out of mind! A couple of hours should be fine at that age, but if you are unsure can you get dad, grandparent, friend to push them in their pram nearby while you have your appointment and then if baby is desperate for a feed they can just pop in and you can feed and then get on with the appointment? I don’t think this would be necessary but for your own peace of mind?

Yes. It’s normal. The ‘3 hour feeds’ thing is a hangover from formula advice.

Basically every woman has different production and storage capacity in her breasts and there is no right or wrong answer.

One analogy I heard is like having a tap, and a cup, and a bowl. You and your friend are stood in front of a sink. You have a half pint glass. Your friend has a pint glass. You both run the tap, fill the glasses, fill the bowl. But what happens? Friend fills bowl first.

Is there enough water? Yes, the tap runs as much as is needed.

Does the bowl get full? Yup.

Does it take the same amount of time and the same amount of effort? Sadly no.

We all have varying ‘cup sizes’ (and no it’s nothing to do with boob size!).

Some can deliver a ‘pint sized’ feed and then not feed again for 3 hours. Others, half a pint at a time, and so baby needs to feed more frequently.

As long as nappy output is good and baby is happy and healthy, feeding interval is an indicator of...feeding interval. Just have to work with the boobs you’ve got.

Mine was the same - it was during the hot summer we just had and he got particularly thirsty so there was a lot of feeding

Another thing that might be worth trying........My parents used to look after dd at that age downstairs for a couple of hours while I had a nap upstairs. This might work as a trail for you to see if baby can go for a couple of hours while you have a nap, bath, break upstairs out of the way?

Feeding for comfort is a normal part of breastfeeding and I never found it very helpful when people said "oh she's only feeding for comfort" as if that meant she didn't need it. My DD was the same as yours, OP. It's totally normally. Knackering and occasionally maddening but very normal.

Mine is 10 weeks and 12lb and would happily feed every 30 minutes if given the chance! However if I take him out for a walk in the sling he will go 2 hours without a feed quite happily, same if he has a decent nap at lunchtime or if we are driving to visit my parents who live an hour and a half away.

If you want your baby to go a little bit longer between feeds so you’ve got a bit more freedom then try spacing out your feeds and gradually increasing the tome between them by 5-10 minutes every few days. Giving him to someone else to cuddle can help as it’s a distraction and he can’t smell the milk, likewise taking him for a walk in the pram or sling.

All babies are different yes but that does sound v frequent to me, is he really feeding every 30-60 min all throughout the day? Or are there periods where it’s longer and periods where more concentrated? Do your breasts feel adequately emptied and does he take both breasts at a feed?

If he falls asleep at boob you can try stripping him down or tickling during feeds, to enable him to be awake enough to get a bigger feed and be satisfied for longer. My DD at 18wks will go for around 3hrs between feeds, but can be a bit of a snacker so sometimes it’s more frequent. If I’ll be parted from her I just make sure to fill her up well before. DH has both kids out just now and I’m lying in bed eating ice cream, I’d recommend it!

It may be that you notice him going a bit longer in the next month or two as he gets bigger too.

I couldn’t leave mine until 9 or 10 months old. They fed round the clock. It was only once they could be kept happy with solid food for a couple of hours that I could go anywhere.

I had this too - with DS it wasn't so much that he fed consistently every hour/half hour, it was that he was very, very unpredictable - so he'd sometimes go three hours and then want feeding every half hour for the next two. He actually took a bottle but even then I felt uncomfortable leaving him because I was worried that he'd decide he wanted tonnes of feeding and I wouldn't have left enough expressed milk. He was like this until four months, when he basically stopped showing hunger signs in the day (his preference was to feed all night) so I had to introduce a feeding schedule.

What always confused me was - even if you know your baby will go two hours between feeds how do you make them have them at the right time? If I had wanted to be out until 12 I could never have got DS to have a good feed at 10 at my demand!

Lisa I could have got him to feed when I wanted him to a while ago (5mo ish maybe?) partly because at that stage he was a bottomless pit, but definitely not any more (nearly 9mo). I think that’s probably just different babies being different!

Yes and just being v flexible about plans! Like DH taking kids out just now, we waited until baby hadn’t fed for awhile and ready for a feed, and saw that she took a lot so could feel confident she’d be ok. Also not being too far away so can get back in an emergency! If she hadn’t fed as much as hoped, id have just said come back in1.5hrs.

Mine were both like that, and neither would drink milk from a bottle, ever.

I tried leaving DC1 to go to an exercise class once per week from around 4 months, and he screamed from the second I went out the door until I got home. It did massive damage to DH's confidence, and we gave up quite quickly.

I tried leaving DC2 for 30 min to take Dc1 swimming, and it was exactly the same.

In both cases it was around 8 months when they were eating proper food before I could leave them for a few hours.

However, by 11 months I was back at work and they were totally fine. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

@Changers5 have you had a look at La Leche League at all? I have a family member who is (or was, I'm not sure if she still does it) a LLL coordinator and she was a great help to me in the early days of breastfeeding. She had some really good, solid advice of practical things I could do to solve various BF issues along the way. I also got some great advice from the KellyMom and Milk Meg websites. We are also very lucky to have a brilliant infant feeding charity who work locally and I had a lady who came out to me when I had some latch problems early on, she sat with me for ages and helped. Then would text me every couple of days to see how I was doing. She was amazing.

Might be worth a little Google to see if there's some support available in your area. Or feel free to DM me and I could try and put you in touch with my cousin who I'm sure would be happy to offer assistance.

I had ravenous bottle refusers and was able to leave them for a couple of hours from around 4m. They lasted much better in my absence.

At 10m they were able to abstain for a day in nursery, completely refusing all expressed milk offered and tanking up on solids, then catching up in the evening.