Do you need to hit rock bottom?

[Returning2thesceneofthecrime]

There is someone in my life who is going through a really tough time (divorce etc). It has been dragging on for more than 3 years. I thought she had turned a corner a month ago but she is now back to the way she was before - angry and bitter and depressed. She has three children and this is now taking a toll on them. Social services have been called in the past and I think the school may have already contacted them again (third or fourth time in two years).

Do you think you need to hit rock bottom to be able help yourself or accept help from others? I’m worried that rock bottom means the children going into foster care. At the moment, she will accept money but not advice or practical help. Is there anything anyone else can do to make you see sense (for lack of a better phrase) when you are in the midst of an admittedly terrible situation and both angry and depressed? I know you can’t make someone ‘snap out of it’ but is there anything that can be done to help her find her own way out?

Is it unreasonable to expect her to change her behaviour for the sake of her kids?

Maybe pointing out that her reaction to the situation is keeping her in a bad place and is likely making things worse too. But if she’s not ready to hear it there’s not much you can do. She needs to take responsibility for where she is now and where her life is going

What does she need help with?
Cleaning? Whhy are ss involved

SS are involved because of reports of child neglect from the school and another (unknown) source.

She needs help with: paying bills, cleaning the house, affording petrol, childcare, babysitting, budgeting, getting divorced, it is a lengthy list.

Lelli I have (gently) tried to point that out to here but apparently I am wrong and just don’t understand what she is going through. I guess she wasn’t ready to hear it but I wonder if she ever will be ready for it. Everyone is being very supportive and tells her that she is not to blame for her ex’s behaviour but I can’t get her to realms that not being at fault does not mean she doesn’t have any responsibilities in life.

Doesnt sound good. What are ss doing? surely thats the kick up the bum she needs?

I don’t think she needs to hit rock bottom and this maybe her rock bottom but she does need to want change and be willing to except help.

Some people change, whether they perceive they've hit rock bottom or not. Plenty of people lead chaotic lifestyles their whole lives and never change, whether they or others think they are at rock bottom or not.

Some people are allowed to get to rock bottom. It's the only way for them to get back out of it. By the time they get there only they can get themselves out of it.
Sad but true.

Sadly sometimes you are aware you need to change but are so overwhelmed with it all, you can't see how to go about it you are so miserable and mentally exhausted, you are convinced that you deserve others, whoever others are, to magic everything up for you and make it better.

Some people suddenly snap out of it and make quick and amazing changes, others do need to reach rock bottom before they do, some never do and go on to live very miserable lives, always waiting for thir Prince in charming armour to make it all better for the me cept that usually by this point, they've managed to push everyone away instead.

Hope your friend finds some strength to pick herself up before it's too late for her kids.

^^ with bells on
You are not in control. They are.