We have a baby (DS) who is almost 4 months old. I don't have him on a very precise routine yet but have developed a rhythm (awake for 2 hours with feeds on waking and after the first hour - he eats a lot, then a nap which is usually 45 minutes or 1.5 hours).
DH has very bad sleep habits himself. He stays up until well after midnight most nights watching TV. He doesn't work anymore (redundant and will be SAHD when I go back to work) but when he used to work he would go to bed at 11pm and get up at 5:30am because he wanted to watch TV at night and spend a couple of hours exercising before work which he said was more important than sleep. It's frustrating as hell because on the one hand he is always complaining about being tired and sleeping poorly, but on the other hand he says sleep is a waste of time and does things which are bound to screw up your sleep pattern (eg going to bed and getting up at wildly fluctuating times). He also used to try and get me to stay up with him to watch TV and then would tickle me to wake me up when I inevitably fell asleep on the sofa, even though it would make me feel ill to be woken up in the middle of deep sleep and hate being tickled anyway - he has thankfully stopped this but it has taken a lot of crying for him to finally get the message that he shouldn't be waking me up when I've been asleep for a while. I feel I already try and compromise and end up going to bed later than I would like (ideally I'd like to start getting ready for bed at 9pm so I am definitely asleep by 10pm). I'm not perfect but getting a decent amount of sleep is important to me because I know I'm much more irritable without it and feel it affects my mental health especially since having DS (I was having scary hallucinations after he was born and have been depressed at times). It's also important for me that the baby sleeps properly because despite the fact that neither of us are working I seem to be doing the lion's share of the baby care and find it soooo much harder when DS is tired and am also doing all the night waking as DS is EBF, and he sleeps a lot better at night when he naps well during the day.
Anyway, my AIBU is am I being unreasonable in wanting to keep to the rough nap routine even when we have visitors? DH's parents are coming over today and I know DH is probably going to get grumpy if I try and take the baby away for a nap whilst his parents are here (even though they will be staying for several hours). I don't think DS will be able to sleep in the same room as them whilst they talk as his parents are in their 70s and they all talk loudly. Similarly, I think we should time lunch so that we have it whilst DS is awake as DH will want to eat in the dining room and due to the layout of our house (sitting room and dining room on different floors so not easy to move him whilst he's asleep and want an adult to stay in the same room as him due to SIDS risk). DH acts like I am majorly unreasonable in trying to plan things around nap times rather than trying to get DS to conform to what we want to do that day.
Also, am I being unreasonable in wanting to go to bed when the baby goes to bed? DH complains if I want to go to bed around 8 or 9 because we haven't had a fun evening together even though neither of us are working so we have all day to watch TV? And I am bloody tired!
Moreover, he thinks I ignore his opinions about what to do with the baby and says that's why he doesn't do much of the child care. I guess I do ignore what he says but all his opinions seem to be based around what's easiest/what he wants to do. If it were up to him DS would wear the same clothes for days without washing even though he socks up and dribbles loads, would never bathe and would go to bed at 1am whilst I'm diligently reading baby books and trying to figure out what's best for DS.
Help!