To co-sleep or not?

[coffeeforone]

DS is 4 months old. He will so to sleep initially in the crib but wakes after about an hour. We can resettle him and put him back in the crib but he will continue to wake up every hour or so throughout the night and need resettled.

If we bring him in our bed, he will generally sleep through the night, without stirring much from 10pm-7am! To me this is a dream and while it works I think we should just go with it.
DH however wants to continue with the night wakings, taking turns to resettle in his crib and not get stuck into the cot-sleeping habit.
I go back to work next month, so if cosleeping will get me unbroken sleep then I'd much prefer it. AIBU to not want to persist with the crib?

YANBU. I would not have been able to cope without co-sleeping. Your DH is welcome to persist with thr cot if he plans on being the one getting up multiple times. Do whatever works and results in the most sleep for all of you. It's totally normal for a 4 month old to want to be in close physical contact at night.

Co sleeping is the best thing in this world

YANBU. I would definitely co-sleep in your situation.

If your DH wants to persist with the night wakings, perhaps he needs to take on the lion's share of actually getting up to deal with them.

I personally don't like to co-sleep, so I persisted with the sooth and return to the crib. Only lasted a week or so until the regression passed.

We did but it was a real struggle when we needed him out of our bed as he was so big!
That said I would do it again!

At the minute I tend to resettle in the cot until early morning, then in with us for rest of night.

But ds only tends to wake at 2am then 5am, and settles really easily at 2am. He doesn't settle at 5am, hence in with us. If he is unsettled in general he stays with us from earlier in the night. In your situation I'd probably keep him in with me from the first time he wouldn't settle easily.

Do it do it do it.
DD was identical til around 6/7 months when she was able to flap around during the night to find her own comfortable position. She would then sleep 4 hours in co sleeper cot and then id transfer into bed to resettle.
Those 4 hours gradully grew longer and longer from around weaning age. Then all night in her crib. We still have wakings due to teething.
I miss having her snuggle in with me now.

You do whatever means you will get sleep! I co slept with all mine. It is hard to break the habit. But as long as you get sleep who cares? Just do it safely x

We have been cosleeping basically from day 1. It totally saved my sanity. As she got bigger we attached a cot to the side of the bed so we all had room. She probably spent half the night in that then half the night cuddled up to me. She has just turned 20 months and I have put her in a bed in her own room- it’s only been a week but she is doing well- no tears and spending the majority of the night in her bed before coming back. I loved cosleeping and would do it next time, it’s natural.

I would. Just do it safely. It's better for you and baby will feel safer too.

Have a 4 month old. I co sleep if he wakes. He comes into our bed, has a feed and we both stay there. I’d rather have sleep than risk waking him up transferring him back to his cot. Some nights he sleeps through in his cot. I did similar with my 1st and she’s always slept like a dream since about 7 months old, so I don’t believe it necessarily becomes a habit that’s tough to break. I actually enjoy co sleeping this time because the anxiety is removed from it. I always felt I was doing something wrong with dc1. This will probably be my last baby so I’m enjoying the snuggles whilst they last!

It’s up to you both. Personally I would have never co slept. I hate sharing with my husband let alone a child. Your child is still young and may well settle down with the sleeping.

So many people on here are pro co sleeping but, to be honest, I don’t get why. All my friends who have done it then have the angst in a couple of years of trying to get a knowing toddler into their own bed and it looks 100x harder than doing it with a baby. My sister still has her 6year old getting in with her and she isn’t happy with it but is too tired to combat it.

But there are lots of people on here who have positive experiences. I think you need to respect each other’s wishes and if your dh feels strongly then he will need to persevere with it more than you if you are struggling at work.

YANBU. I'd probably do it if my kids weren't prem.

Yanbu. Coslept with DS from night 2. Never looked back.

OP if he doesn't want to then tell him nights are his responsibility.

I would actually recommend having a look at the sleep board as that is where people tend to post about the problems with it! You will get a well rounded opinion.

I did when mine were very young though it isn't the magic sleep cure everyone on here claims it to be. It's not quality sleep when you've got a tiny baby attached to you although it's handy being able to doze when they're breastfeeding at night
I think it's important to have an idea if and when you might want to NOT cosleep as well- 10 months was my absolute limit and I had to prepare me and my son for the move to the cot
A lot of cosleepers end up cosleeping for years and I know a number of couples who are now in separate rooms with one parent cosleeping with the child and one on their own - worth thinking about ...it's not encouraging 'good' sleep habits although I'm well aware of how it's useful in the early days

It is no surprise to me that there are so many MN pro co-sleeping. You really need to weigh up the pros and cons and not just look at a short term fix to broken sleep. There are real risks that this short term fix will brin g problems later. Those who haven't are lucky. For small babies there are very real risks, please don't underestimate them. It is irresponsible to say that it is safer. Research has also shown that the quality of sleep for all is reduced when one person stirs everyone does

I coslept with ds for the sake of more sleep and my sanity. I think it's good for a baby to feel mama next time him. Every other mammal does it, I think it's natural. You'd never see a monkey or other animal leaving their baby alone to sleep. I don't see why it should be any different for humans. I feel like it's important for baby as they've been in our womb with us for so long, it's natural they want us close as newborns. Just a thought. Xx

We did it from 12 weeks to about 6 months and it meant we all slept better. At 6 months we moved her out of my bed and into her own room, I'm not having to go in a million times a night, it varies from once, to maybe three times max in the night?
For now you need to be able to sleep for more than 45 mins at a time so I'd co sleep for at least a few weeks to get some kip. Then re-evaluate after.
As dismissive as it sounds, I don't think it's your partner's call. You get to decide what you want to do for the best especially if you're breastfeeding. My OH understood and his motto was 'whatever is best for DD' so he went into the spare room for a few months and we all got good nights sleeps (except for when she had a cold, then no amount of co-sleeping could save me! 😂)

I never wanted to co-sleep so kept up with putting her back in cot. Luckily it only took about a week and she settles fine now.

As dismissive as it sounds, I don't think it's your partner's call.

Completely disagree, its his bed too. If you want to co-sleep,can you go into spare room?

Have you tried the cots with a drop down side that strap to the side of your bed, so they have the same feel of co-sleeping but more safety? It seems like a good compromise.

Have you thought about a co sleeping crib next to the bed? Combines both and could get you both more sleep whilst alleviating your partners worries about cosleeping.

We have one because I can't co sleep safely (I'm overweight and take prescription meds so break two of the big co-sleeping guidelines) and it works really well.

Thanks for all the replies, a lot of food for thought. For me, it's definitely a quick fix, and I wouldn't want to be cosleeping into toddlerhood. I wonder if I do it for the next few months and then deal with the transition later (a 10 month limit sounds like a good plan), though of course DH feels this would just make it impossible at 10 months as DS would be more aware etc.