To ask for MIL advice

[DorisDances]

Yikes, I am going to become a MIL next week! Any advice for the wedding day (DD) and for the future?

Am I right in thinking you're gaining a son in law rather than a daughter in law? If so, I can only echo excellent advice from mustdrinkwater. The way DD runs her life and marriage is not a critique of the way you run yours.

And if you have sons as well, try to keep some parity there also. It REALLY winds me up when my DM talks about what a wonderful involved husband and father DBro is, and how lucky DSil is (conveniently ignoring the fact that DBro works away for up to two weeks per month leaving DSil on her own with three kids!) and then with the next breath tells me I should not expect so much of DH as he is working full time rather than my 4 days a week plus one day childcare. It feels like her expectations of me as a spouse and parent are completely different to those of my brother and it pisses me right off!!

Some great advice here. Everything my own Mil doesn't do.

The way DD runs her life and marriage is not a critique of the way you run yours.

This is my mother all over and it drives me mad! Great advice here.

My friend was given this advice- “never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut”. I try to remember it as often as possible.

Do NOT say “I know we will never see eye to eye in life” when your DIL thought you had a pretty good relationship and got on pretty well

Thank you to those who liked my comments. I will add that one of the reasons I have been able to aim for these things is that my two daughters in law, are not only the absolute right people to be in partnership with my sons, but they also know similar sorts of ways to build a relationship. They are kind and tactful and have their own excellent ways of parenting. It does seem to me that in law relationships go so wrong as soon as someone becomes entitled, interfering, critical, ungrateful and unkind. Not seeing things from the point of view of the in law. I see this on both sides of the generation gap . Unrealistic expectations, a little compromise goes a long way