Agony of unreciprocated love

[ridiculousridiculousness]

Is it me or is the pain/embarrassment/agony/what ifs of unreciprocated love one of the worst things?

How do people move on from such intense feelings when the other person has none at all?

Sat reminiscing of past lives and suddenly the thought occurred that perhaps I've never fully gotten over any of these instances.

OP it’s definitely tricky, I’m currently suffering through unrequited love after being rejected in an incredibly embarrassing fashion... Would love to also hear how people get over it

@LikeYouSaid it's such a horrible feeling knowing that the love you have for someone else will never be returned. It's essentially just a fantasy.

I am in a very happy relationship now but found myself thinking about past experiences and suddenly realised that I had no closure on any of the people who I had such intense feelings for but nothing in return. So much easier when in a relationship that ends. At least there is some closure there.

I am happily married to the man I at one point believed was my unrequited love. Thankfully it turned out to be mutual. After many years together, I still have bad dreams where it is back to being unrequited. It is an absolutely horrible feeling.

Nope sorry this is not the hardest thing people have to get over

@Confusedbeetle I didn't say the hardest I said one of the worst. I'm fully aware there are much worse things out there in life.

It hurts like hell thats for sure.
I think the best thing is to love yourself and tell yourself that you are a wonderful person and good things will happen for you.
Try to avoid going down the road of self pity.
I recommend loud (use earphones) music on the theme with a glass (or two) of wine
Then MOVE ON!

Ridiculous, if you are in a happy relationship now you risk damaging it with these thoughts. There is no closure. Everyone had a love that wasnt meant to be. For a very good reason. Please draw a line and be a bit less Mills and Boon

It sucks and I’ve been there. However, for the first time I’m in a place where someone who’s company I don’t even slightly enjoy is having really intense feelings for me and it’s actually helped me see what it’s like beingthe other person.

The person this guy is in love with is not me at all. It’s some weird fantasy souped up version of me that he’s created in his head and that only exists for him, to meet his needs. Like in his head, him and I are going to spend our lives camping in obscure Hebridean locations where we can live out of what we can carry on our backs. Reality check? I prefer five star holidays and city breaks to New York and camping is my idea of hell. He believes we could live a life of voluntary poverty and that I’d support him to be a house husband cos I am a career woman. My opinion? Bollocks to that.

Now, if I’m honest, I can look back and say I did this too with my unrequited loves. The person I imagined them to be wasn’t really who they are. I actually ended up with one of them, one that I’d imagined long Sundays just spent love making with and marrying and starting a family with. Turns out he was asexual and never wanted to marry and certainly never wanted kids. The guy I fell in love with was a total fantasy.

This person, whoever they are, is far from perfect. You need to be with someone who ADORES you. That’s the bottom line.

I was a lot more sensitive when I was younger and would agonise about unrequited love. However, life has definitely made me harder (leaving a long term emotionally abusive relationship, cancer diagnoses to name a couple of things). If someone doesn't feel the same about me I really don't give it much thought. Though it's ages since there was anyone I really liked.

Posted before I saw you posted that you are in a happy relationship. Is something missing from it? Why are you going over past experiences with people you weren’t in a relationship with if you are now in a happy relationship?

But surely if you are happy your crushes were just part of growing up and not worth thinking about?

I came on to say that time is a massive healer. I know that sounds quite trite, but it's completely true.

But I thought what ShadyLady53 says is fascinating. Not recently, but in my past I've also had men I didn't fancy fixating on me, and Shady is completely right. I've never had to wit to join the dots though... I recognised when someone did it to me, but not when I did it to others. Very interesting food for thought! I'll have to have a ponder on that one.

I think it is agony at the time, in my experience. later, in hindsight, it means very little. Illike others have said, it is just a fantasy. I had a very intense unrequited love in my 20s. I thought we were soul.mates. I agonised over every interaction. I waited for him.for years. He was always in the back of my mind. And then strangely once I'd finally moved away, and didn't think of him as much, we did get together,.and he actually wasn't my soul mate. He played video games all the time and loved concrete instead of grass. we weren't compatible at all and it didn't last..I remember the joy of the smell of him.and the thrill of laughing with him when I wanted him.so.much. looking back I can hardly remember anything of our actual few weeks relationship. It wasn't worth all the pain. but it's quite a weird fond memory now of all the intensity and yearning. It will pass, is what I'm.trying to say.