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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude or not?

47 replies

Sidelook · 02/02/2019 15:38

Ds had a few friends over all aged 16 as is Ds. I was out and they were gone when I came back. Ds had a moody face on so I asked him what was the matter? He said that he had the hump because he was upstairs came down into the kitchen where his friends were. To find that they had gone through the draws and cupboards and ate all of the crisps and biscuits without asking first.
Ds said that he would never do this at their houses or anyone else’s house as it’s rude to not have asked first!
I know it’s not a first world problem and teenagers get hungry. But I do think that it was rude of them or aibu?

OP posts:

Coronapop · 02/02/2019 16:24

It was rude but teenage boys are always ravenous in my experience. It's not worth losing friends over.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 02/02/2019 16:25

Rude yes, also rude to go upstairs to play
On X box

GreenTulips · 02/02/2019 16:25

Kids will go where they feel welcome

Teens need feeding - DS should’ve offered

If you want DS to stick around feed the friends

MsPavlichenko · 02/02/2019 16:31

The best brought up teenagers can also eat all the crisps and snacks ime. I'm with Bluntness here.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/02/2019 16:32

I think he probably said to them that they could have some snacks and he has the arse because they ate the whole lot. But teenagers are absolute fucking gannets.

Original poster

Sidelook · 02/02/2019 16:33

Hardly a big deal is it? I did say that it wasn’t a first world problem in op. All of them (5) were on the Xbox. Then one and Ds were finishing off their game. The other 4 went downstairs!

OP posts:

CallMeVito · 02/02/2019 16:34

very rude

but rude too to left them alone - so it works out as an excellent lesson for your son.

I don't agree, but maybe the friends thought they were closer to your son , or wouldn't mind if your son had done this in their house, which is not their house anyway, but their parents.

You just need to read the threads to know that some kids have no manners whatsoever, eat like pigs and don't know how to behave socially. Anyone mentioning it is accused to be stuck-up on this forum

brizzledrizzle · 02/02/2019 16:35

It's incredibly rude and I wouldn't be keen to have them round again.

TornFromTheInside · 02/02/2019 16:46

Very rude.
It literally takes the biscuit!

Bestseller · 02/02/2019 16:52

I'd say that's gone beyond rude to nastiness but agree it depends (a little) on why they were left alone for so long, when he should have been hosting.

Finfintytint · 02/02/2019 17:07

Teenagers are locusts. I had a free for all cupboard that was access to all but would get very pissed off if anyone helped themselves to anything else. DS knew this and it wouldn't have happened (he'd have managed this). I used to provide all sorts of snacks to the waifs and strays after school ( one parent banned their child from returning home until 7.30pm and I felt sorry for them and would feed him regularly).
It cost me but I couldn't see him mooch about town with nowhere to go even if he had a couple of quid for a takeaway.

Bluntness100 · 02/02/2019 17:10

How long was he finishing his game for that they went through your cupboard and drawers, Found all the crisps and biscuits, and ate them all without him even knowing?

Original poster

Sidelook · 02/02/2019 17:11

Agree that Ds should have paid more attention to hosting his friends. It wasn’t a planned get together. They were there for an hour or so! He has had a different set of friends round before, planned.And I have made sure that food and drink have been available for them. And for Ds to make sure his guests have eaten the food provided. On this occasion they decided to help themselves!
I don’t begrudge someone having something to eat in our home. I would be embarrassed if Ds did this in someone’s home.

OP posts:

whatacrapusername2306 · 02/02/2019 17:16

Yes, I would be pissed off. On my teenage DC’s social media, a friend of theirs posted a photo of themselves standing on my kitchen worktop, where we prepare food. I wasn’t best pleased that’s for sure. I always say to my DC, if your not allowed to do something in my house, then definitely don’t do it in someone elses.

Bluntness100 · 02/02/2019 17:16

I'm sorry op, I do agree with you I would be unhappy if my daughter helped herself, I'd also be unhappy with her if she invited people and left them alone long enough they couldn't just do this, but then eat them all and she had no clue what their were doing"

In this instance, as these were his guests in your home, I'd hold him as responsible and the most rude, he clearly didn't leave them for just a few mins.

dottycat123 · 02/02/2019 17:44

As a Mum of two ds, now late teens/early 20's I have had numerous teenagers around the house and always fed them but have never known any help themselves, even those I know really well. Sometimes they have asked if really hungry. This is surprisingly rude.

Original poster

Sidelook · 02/02/2019 17:47

Although not an angel, Ds is most definitely not rude. As said before, he would not behave like this. He should not have left them to their own devices! And because they were does not excuse them doing this, even if it was for 5 minutes or 50 minutes!!
Is this how they behave when they visit other people’s homes? Is it normal to do so? It’s a personal choice for me that manners cost nothing no matter if you are a child or an adult!

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 03/02/2019 00:13

How do you know he wouldn’t do the same? My kids help themselves - their friends do the same - often when I get home there’s a teen making tea and putting toasties on - I don’t see the problem

Teens then are fed elsewhere when round friends houses and it all evens out

PregnantSea · 03/02/2019 00:38

It sounds like you aren't getting the full story.

Who invites a group of people over and then goes off upstairs with one person to play Xbox for however long? That's weird. He's not telling you something

Yabbers · 03/02/2019 00:40

Although not an angel, Ds is most definitely not rude

Except when ignoring his friends because he’s playing x-box.

NotTheFordType · 03/02/2019 01:06

OP
I did say that it wasn’t a first world problem in op

Right - and "first world problem" means "not a big deal". So by saying it's NOT a FWP you've essentially said "This matters a great deal!"

Anyway - definitely not worth your DS losing friends over but perhaps you could discuss some useful phrases/rules for future occasions so that he can be both a considerate host AND considerate to the rest of the household. EG "Guys you carry on, I've got some snacks and shit downstairs, I'll go and grab them." And come back up with EG two packs of biscuits and a 6-pack of crisps and a bottle of soft drink. Or - if some one asks "Oh mate I'm starving, can we get a snack in the kitchen?" he replied "Oh Mum goes mental if anyone goes in the kitchen, here you take over for me and I'll go and get some stuff."

I've found the parent-blaming technique can be very useful for teenagers who are in that difficult land between learning to set boundaries and not wanting to lose face with peers.

OneStepSideways · 03/02/2019 07:28

Yes rude to help themselves but equally rude of DS not to offer drinks and snacks (even if you've eaten out you still offer guests biscuits, bowl of nuts etc)

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