I hate it when ex DP has DD

[bluebluecloud]

I know it is selfish. We recently split after nearly four years of hell and DD is just over one.

He was horrifically verbally abusive to me and it escalated during pregnancy and was the worst when dd was born. He's a charmer, everyone else thinks he is nice as pie. He never once did a night feed or got ul with dd, not very affectionate with her either he will only play with her. He says I purposely 'made' her clingy to me.

His family are awful. They thrive off drama and have a reputation in the area. XMIL especially. She is a witch, she was completely overbearing when dd was born, would snatch her off me, ignore my wishes for her (eg food. I know its a small thing but anything I said was disregarded). She has other younger children and would play on the fact that they wanted to see dd all the time so she could have her.

Kicking him out was the best thing I have ever done, he is horrible but is nice to everyone else to make it look like I'm lying. I hate it. XMIL knows what he is like. I regret ever putting him on the bc (I know, unreasonable) and giving dd his last name as it is always thrown in my face that she is a X not a Y iyswim.

He can never be bothered having her unless his mother is there to look after dd. So he has her maybe once or twice a week. And it's so selfish but I absolutely hate it.

I'm told she cries for me and I've made her a 'mummys girl on purpose', XMIL posted on fb about how she loves seeing dd but its "a shame her mum cant grow up" and let ex dp have her more often. Its a load of shit and it makes my blood boil, he doesn't even care!

The only reason I let her go is to see members of her family which aren't as awful as ExDP and XMIL but its starting to grate on me hearing off friends that I am slagged off on social media (blocked them) and to other people when I've done nothing wrong but raise my daughter the best I can.

I'm looking to move, not to far away but not in walking distance from them anymore, but I wish I could just move town or city and completely cut ties. I can't believe how nasty XMIL can actually be and we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and as their family is big I feel so outnumbered.

It hurts the most being told well she's got our last name so she is more "ours" like she isn't even a person.

Sorry if this is long and rambly but dd has gone for 3 hours today and I miss her so much and wish things could be different

I'd tell your friends that you don't want to hear about anything that's posted on social media- you blocked them for a reason .

It does get easier .....

My ex's family were like this.
Rise above it - tell your friends you don't want to hear it. If someone tries to tell you in passing - shut them down.

It doesn't matter what they say or do - people close to you; people that matter know the truth.

3 hours seems like a long time (I remember them days well) but really they can go so fast - try to keep yourself busy.

It does get easier - it probably doesn't seem like it now but it does.
Your dd with thank you later down the line - or she'll see for herself exactly what they are like.
My dd knows what her dad and his family are like - she's known since she was 5 ....

Tell your friends to stop telling you what they say and move house.

Sounds like stuff I went through when I managed to get rid of abusive ex

I'd consider speaking to women's aid as they were fab with me. You could also try social services. It's not as scary as it sounds. If there's the chance she's currently oR might be subject to any emotional abuse then they'll be interested and they can help.

It's the worst feeling, I know she'l be fine really it's just knowing people are talking about and turning against you when you've done naff all. XMIL is so petty that once DD went round with a jumper saying I love mummy or something and she sent her home in a random faded outfit even though hers wasn't soiled or dirty.

I hope DD realises when she is older what they are really like.

Sounds awful but I can't wait for her to grow up as the novelty seems to fade the older she gets for them

What's stopping you moving towns exactly?

I can’t be bothered with people that post private things on FB, it’s why I came off of it in the end. Your XMIL needs to grow up for posting such things on FB, I know it may seem drastic but can you maybe see a solicitor about regular routined contact and you can put in the clause that she’s not allowed to put anything about you or your DD on social media? It’s your DD and it’s up to you imo, her father sounds like a right bastard and if he isn’t genuinely interested in her, which it sounds like he’s not, then isn’t it difficult having his mother be interested? I’d find this difficult and awful for your DD.

I've been here for nearly 12 years 🙈 my EXP and his family thrived on causing petty issues and running me into the ground even though my DS was lucky if EXP came to get him once a week and paid not one penny for him. But on FB he was shown as this great father.
I soon realised that when I stopped reacting to them and letting them know it was annoying me they soon got bored. EXP still tries now and again to cause unnecessary drama but fortunately my son is nearly 13 and is starting to realise what they're really like and actually said to me I wouldn't have blamed you not letting me go with them seeing the way they treat you ( although I think he would have).
So my advice is bite your tongue, dont let it get to you and eventually it will get easier ☺️

Tell him to go to court for contact. Put in a cms claim and move. Change your child’s name by deed poll. God, I’m a bitch.

I have family in town too, so I'd move closer to them. I've lived here all my life so i think im avoiding taking the plunge to move.

@Mumsyof3boys He's the exact same! He was forever posting pictures of her and saying where he has took her and making out like he is a hard done by amazing dad. Makes my blood boil.

Tell him to go to court for contact. Put in a cms claim and move. Change your child’s name by deed poll. God, I’m a bitch.

If you are so am I because I was thinking the same!! Get some space between you and them and put everything on a legal footing.

I could have probably written this myself. But add into that that my daughters father barely takes proper care of her. He doesn't brush her teeth, give her her inhaler. He spends all day, literally, playing video games and sits her in front of a SECOND xbox or tablet all day. His place is always full of rubbish and flies. She used to get very sore bums from not wiping properly because he didn't bathe her. She now just sees him every other weekend, and it all continues. I have to tell myself that it's just a short time for her to be there. Every time she goes she comes back with a spotty rash all around her mouth that I barely get rid of before she gets it back again.
It can be worse, and while I know it isn't ideal at least he seems to take good care of her right?
It's the hardest thing sending our kids to someone we know hurt us in a big way, but we have to be the bigger people and the responsible parent and make sure we just focus on doing the best WE can.
It's hard though, isn't it.

It is so so frustrating, I'm with my DH 8 years now and from I met him EXP got worse although my DH and EXP have mutual friends so he can't lie anymore about how amazing he is or how mean I am.
I believe they do thingsbto get a reaction. He asked for overnights for months and I wouldn't agree because my DS would have been sharing a bed with EXP current gf son. He finally got his own bed so I agreed and he took him overnight twice but doesn't bother anymore because it doesn't annoy me.
They're just petty people, you continue to be the bigger person, they'll hopefully soon tire of not getting a reaction 🤞🏻

As others have said, tell him to go through the court for access and go to CMS if you haven’t already.

Purely bitchy, I know, but next time they say she is an x, not a y, say ‘are you sure? Only a mother really knows’.

As I said, that is just me being bitchy because I am pissed off at something else (and now also on your behalf) but it is quick retort to have in your back pocket (although it could open a different can of worms).