i know i have to but
its so stressful. feel like im in flight or fight mode always its emergency services front line
been off 3 weeks for various health issue probably caused through stress.
im due back tomorrow. i start a new role soon thats not strictly speaking frontline but still dealing with sex offenders etc. no radio to skupper my plans for the day though so got to be better.
ive also won an award which should boost morale (and doesnt) but have some ceremony coming up to go pick up said award. so someone appreciates me at least!
but i hate it, id stay home all the time if it was an option. is not. ive had car crashes and been grateful for the time off, also had surgery and felt elated as meant 2 weeks off!
im old, and ive got to do this till im 60 to get a partial pension. i live with someone but our finances are and always will be separate. i cant afford to leave or go to something less well paid - when i say well paid i am talking 30k - i wont earn higher as im not interested in promotion.
im not sure ill get to 60 at this rate tbh! and im not sure my physical fitness will stand the test of time - i have to take a running test yearly till 60 and its not easy for me despite the fact i exercise. its the same test the new recruits take at 18 and up so not sure its all that fair for a 60 year old woman to be running the same test as an 18 year old man....but there we go thats the deal.
gonna give the new job a whirl and hope is less stressful. ive had a vairety of jobs. id happily be back in an office or a checkout and feel a bit let down as this career was meant to be my be all and end all - all it did was end my 27 year marraige and land me with a whole new heap of problems. disappointing really.
help me find the strength to walk in tomorrow......ive a pile of work that been waiting for me. im gonna have to sort it tomorrow. 