Thinking of pulling out of trip, AIBU?

[Claudia1980]

I’ll try and keep this short. I’m training for a long distance swim with one of my mates (12km across a lake). I committed to do the event ages ago, paid for my entry and my mate had sussed out accommodation (through her work) that slept eight people.

At that stage the only people who had fully committed to the accommodation and event were me and my hubby (who is my support kayaker for the event) and my friend.

Well fast forward to three weeks before the event and I was talking to her about picking up the kayaks, transport etc.

She says “oh yeah, well it’s going to be tricky with accommodation now because x, y, z etc etc are now coming and there probably isn’t enough room for your hubby. She then tried to convince me I didn’t need a support kayaker.

I said well honestly I don’t want to do the event without one, they are all a lot fitter than me etc.

Would you be annoyed? Because I was. Up until this week no one had committed and now suddenly there might not be room for my hubby.

I think she may have decided she now wants this to be a girls trip, which is fine but I’m not really prepared to go without hubby purely because I need/want his support for the swim.

What would you do? I don’t want to rock the boat but I’m really not happy.

Tia 🙂

I'd take my own car , and DH of course !

We can do that but it’s too far to travel there and back in one day so we still need accommodation and there is none available because it’s so close to the event.

Can you find alternate accomodations at this point? If so, I would just stay elsewhere.

Surely if she knew you and your husband were going to be staying there together in the accommodation she can't simply give his space away?

Hate xposting. Sorry about that.

Is it an organised event - are they providing safety cover?

Have you paid for the accommodation yet? If so then it’s someone else who’ll be missing out on accommodation or having to bunk in with someone else.

I’d just pull out 🤷🏻‍♀️ And loose the entry money.

You booked the event and accommodation first. It's not exactly a surprise to your friend that DH is coming! Stand your ground - you arranged this in good faith with her on the assumption that DH was supporting you. If she wanted a girly weekend, she should have been upfront about that earlier on.

The only alternative that I can think of is that she refunds your money for the accommodation and you find a hotel on the route back from the event. It's more of a PITA for you, but you could turn it into a romantic night away.

No one has paid for accommodation yet. She’s paid on her credit card and told me we would sort it out later when we knew how many people were coming(set price for house regardless of # of people). Yeah it’s really annoyed me. The people who are now coming are her work friends, but we were the first to commit and say yes to the event and accommodation. That’s why I’m so annoyed.

Goldrill- a couple of safety boats but lots of people have their own kayakers because it’s such a long swim & people take on snacks, food etc along the way.

If you don't want to go now then it's ok to say so. She seems to have changed the goalposts, so can't really complain. Personally if it was me, I'd say I'm sorry but it's not what I signed up for, and so I won't be coming. You won't be letting her down for the accommodation money as she seems to have plenty of people there to take yours and your DH's place.

How is the sleeping arranged? Would a mattress on the floor be a possibility? Or if you drove, how far after the event would you need to travel before you could find accommodation? You will probably be too tired, but maybe your husband could do the driving back?