Are school taking the mick or am I expecting too much?

[Oopsusernamealreadytaken]

DS (9) has Autism, hyper mobility, anxiety and is likely ADHD too but no diagnosis yet. He was diagnosed just over a year ago, after the school had noticed some issues over the space of a year or so.

As part of the assessment process he saw an educational psychologist and also a advisory teacher who put together a 20 page report on help he should be receiving in the classroom. School claimed high needs funding off the back of this report and things started to improve a little.

Fast forward to this school year, brand new teacher who started off very promising has taken it upon himself to tell every professional who has come in that “nothing is wrong” “everything is fine” this has led us to lose our occupational therapy both outside school and the OT sensory work that school were doing with him.

He is sent out of lessons at least twice a day, has his behaviour cards turned multiple times a day and is not being given any support at all. He has been taken out of assemblies crying and is crying a lot in class. (This is reported back to me via a friends little girl who is a reliable witness, and from the very little I get from him when I ask) :( This has never been reported to me from the teacher?

I know teachers are under immense pressure, but now DS is over a year behind where he should be, and is falling apart when he walks through the door at home. He’s become aggressive again and has started to wet the bed, which is something he’s never done before now. It’s frustrating that the school seem to be claiming funding for him but providing none of the help that THEY wanted put in place.

I have a meeting in a couple of weeks, should I be mentioning anything about this? Does anyone have experience of this happening? AIBU?

has taken it upon himself to tell every professional who has come in that “nothing is wrong” “everything is fine” this has led us to lose our occupational therapy both outside school and the OT sensory work that school were doing with him.

This makes no sense. Surely if professionals are coming into school they would observe and assess you DS, rather than take the word of a teacher?

If this is what has happened you should work to the h/t. I don't understand what influence a teacher has on his o/t outwith school though

Definitely mention it. The school should not be withdrawing support based on the teacher's say-so alone; it's supposed to be a 360 approach, with home and agencies giving their views too.

Does he have an echp

I would recommend that you apply to the Council for him to be assessed for an Education Health and Care Plan if he does not have one. If he does have an EHCP then ask for an urgent review or complain to the Council if he is not receiving the support set out in the plan.

In the meantime a meeting with the HT or SENDCO seems in order

I agree & they should be going through your school's SENCO rather than JUST taking the word of his teacher. If the diagnosis/funding was put in place so recently as a result of assessed need, I can't see how they can just pull it all within such a short space of time, purely based on the UNQUALIFIED OPINION of 1 person?? DEFINITELY question this!! Ask for a meeting urgently with the teacher, SENCO, etc & don't be fobbed off - tell them everything you've said in your post & demand answers - if they're receiving any sort of funding to support your child then they have to do just that - end of. Good luck - it must be so stressful for you. X

OT wanted to assess him for his attention and concentration in class, she’d brought it up in every session we’d been to with her. Report came back stating no assessment just the opinion of the teacher, and that she wasn’t looking to see him again - school stopped the OT they were doing with him when they got the report. No formal assessment or her observing him or anything like that!

No EHCP, just high needs funding at present.

If that's the case then the OT hasn't done their job properly, they shouldn't have finalised the report without observing him.

@IceRebel - this was my thought too. If they actually observed him they would have seen plain as day how he can be. I’ll definitely bring it up then.

I can’t understand how an OT would just take the word of a teacher. That’s not right. DS had an assessment with an OT (due to issues like hypermobility / sensory / motor skills) and she spent at least 30 mins doing 1-1 with him (outside of school) doing various tests and observations. A teacher, however good, isn’t an OT, they won’t know what to look for. I would be asking why he hasn’t had a proper OT assessment?

@ninjawarriorsocks - in the report it also stated that we don’t make him use a knife and fork, when what we actually said was that because of his coordination and hand strength that we don’t make it an issue at the dinner table. One makes us sound like a parent that cannot be arsed, one is parents who are picking their battles with a child who barely eats at the best of times :( we have to physically place his hands on a knife and fork in the correct place and hold and move his hands.

Maybe the OTs are just so underfunded that my child’s issues are just not important enough. My child is my priority though 🤷🏼‍♀️ We can’t afford private unfortunately.

If your child has that much difficultly using cutlery then they really do need OT support. My DS went to sessions to help with motor skills, cutlery, scissors etc. It definitely helped. But I am not sure if this support varies depends where you live.
I do get what you are saying .... DS is ok with cutlery (messy though!) but has found shoelaces almost impossible even after months of trying

It sounds awful for your son. Do you work? If not I'd be taking him out of school. It's not good for his mental health to be under so much stress.
If you can't do that, can you meet his teacher and try to get him back on side? Explain the support he had before and how it helped, and the impact of losing the support. He might just be inexperienced and clueless.
I hope things get better.

@ninjawarriorsocks yeh he does, all his joints in his hands are so bendy, he can’t hold a pencil correctly either for the same reason. I think this area must be particularly poor as I’ve noticed on some SEN pages on Facebook if they’ve posted reports they have been FAR more comprehensive than anything we’ve had :(

@Jamhandprints - I work part time and can’t afford not to unfortunately. We live very rurally so not much choice of schools, and my DD who’s the year below absolutely thrives there. It’s the SEN stuff that’s lacking I think :(

I don't know all that much about how primary works, but in my secondary school we were told to never underplay a child's needs or say that they were fine when they weren't, as their help would then be reallocated to a ”needier” student. So teacher opinions are taken into account almost too much even though teachers are judged on behaviour and thus under pressure to make things seem rosier than they are.

I'm wondering if his new teacher is either quite new (and so wants to make out that he is coping really well with his class) or one of the ”All the difficult students are fine with me” type? Definitely ask for a SENCO review, including shadowing your DS for a day.

@vinegarqueen - the teacher started at the school at the beginning of the academic year so you’re right there!

Yep so that may be it - there is so much pressure for new teachers to always have well behaved classes. He might be unaware that underreporting SEN or saying ”fine” and meaning ”fine for someone with SEN” or ”fine when they have extra support” will get the support removed and reallocated. Definitely worth the SENCO shadowing your DS.

Ive never known any actual assessment of a child to base so much of a decision on 1 teachers view. Normally children behave very differently when an assessor is around. 'Badly' behaved children go quiet and become submissive with a stranger viewing them, children with physical issues mask them more than normal becausw they arent comfertable with a stranger. Teachers alsways say they wish iy could be done more 'covertly ' or over more sessions, different lessons, times of the day etc.
Are you sure so much was decided jusy on teacher say so.

You need to make a fuss.

We once had a school that would tell every professional who came in that DS was "fine" whilst simultaneously complaining to me daily about his lack of progress, engagement and behaviour. He was being sent out of class multiple times a day and losing loads of break times. They were also inappropriately restraining him. They wouldn't get any support for him at all. The bottom line is that if they pretend there isn't a problem they don't have to do anything. (Plus they were unbelievably thick tbh).

I moved DS to a different school and applied for an EHCP myself. Which he got. Turns out he is 4 years behind academically, hardly "fine".

You need to apply for an EHCP yourself but in the meantime I would contact the OT and ask for a copy of the "assessment" that determined he doesn't need support. If they haven't done one say that's not good enough and demand one. Point out your son is struggling now. Then contact the SENCO with concerns that the school is claiming high needs funding but aren't providing support, take the 20 page report and ask for evidence (observations, assessments, plans and reviews) that support isnt needed any more and no the teacher saying he is fine is not enough. Contact the L.A 're the high needs money if necessary.

It's a battle and you need to make a bit if a nuisance of yourself sometimes but your son has one shot at this.

Your poor ds. Please make a fuss - the fact that his behaviour has deteriorated and v he's bed wetting shows how anxious he is. My dd is also autistic and its a constant fight to get support.

I don't really understand why you wouldn't have raised it. All these issues need challenging (including the OT's incorrect reframing of what you had said about using a knife and fork - the distinction is important).

Unfortunately, as a pp has said, you are going to need to start feeling comfortable with being assertive and pushy. You can't stay with the quiet, polite, "don't want to complain" mindset you were socialised into. It will be exploited - as it has already been.

The only way this will be resolved and stay on track is for you to push and hold people accountable. If you're not comfortable with that, do a bit of reading on assertiveness over the weekend, perhaps.

If the OT is obstructive about correcting the misquote in the report, then you may find it helpful to point out that section 46 of the Data Protection Act 2018 gives you the right to have incorrect data about you corrected and if they refuse you can complain to the ICO. What she wrote was not a professional judgment, it was a factually incorrect recording of what you had said that makes a significant difference to the interventions and support that may be planned or considered available.

And if you're ever feeling guilty about having to become more pushy, remember the entire purpose of all of these people's jobs is to help your son. You are not being unreasonable for expecting them to do that, and given that right now they are not meeting the very purpose of their jobs they should expect you to be saying something. They are not doing you some kind of special favour you have to be grateful for no matter how inadequate or inappropriate - they are tasked specifically with helping, so it needs to be adequate and appropriate. Currently, it is not.

Good luck.

The assertiveness resources here are good if you want a hand: www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Assertiveness

You have a teacher who is taking it personally that your child needs extra support in order to effectively access lessons.

This is unacceptable. We had a teacher for ds1 who said he was 'fine' in class became she made accommodations so naturally for him, it didn't impact his learning.

His previous teacher had struggled massively with him but despite evidence to the contrary, kept telling everyone nothing was wrong. They have continued to do this with other pupils in their class so it became apparent that instead of looking out for the best interests of the child, they felt their teaching style was being criticised and therefore they felt threatened whenever outside agencies approached for information. Their line of defence was to pooh-pooh help away instead of accepting it for what it was.