To think DH is a 'user'

[Squeakysailor]

DH does nothing around the house or for the DC. I am just about ok with this for now as I am working part time, however when I up my hours it will be a different story.

Anyway, tonight we had dinner and watched a bit of tv as normal and he's gone in a bit of a grumpy mood with me for no reason.

Last week I told him under no uncertain terms was he to behave like this whilst I was running around doing everything.If he insisted on behaving like that then he would have to start helping out because I'm not running around doing everthing whilst he sits with his feet up and treats me like that.

I told him tonight that he could put the DC to bed and he's done what he always does and turns on the charm for 5 mins to make me change my mind.

He takes all of the lie ins by coming over all affectionate 5 mins before its time for him to get up so I will get up instead.

I am so pathetic I know exactly what he's doing and fall for it everytime.

Ah bingo, Ehlana has it. You may need to rock this boat now and stand up to him.

Xiaoxing - as I explained above, I don't want to rock the boat. I couldn't cope with going back to the way things were last year

He's training you.

And it's working.

Did you live with him before you had kids? I don't know why so many fellas think that its ok to do this and why so many women 'wake up' one day to realise they are utterly exhausted and literally looking after another child!?

So basically you are walking on eggshells and doing everything on your own for fear of his depression returning. That is a very tough situation to be in long term and I would be honest, it isn't sustainable long term. If he is well now then I think you need to have a frank conversation about how he needs to start reintegrating into the family routine as he became detached while he was ill and you were stepped up to cover for him while he got back on his feet health-wise. Now he is well he needs to take on his fair share with you going full time.

If he is not yet well I think you are entitled to lay out some expectations of what he plans to do to get well - see the GP, CBT, counselling, talking therapy, lifestyle changes. If he wasn't willing to engage with any of that I'd be seriously considering my future with him. I know of two marriages which have split up because one partner refused to do anything to get help towards their mental health and the other partner, after years of trying, finally gave up.