I’ll try and keep it short - sorry it is a bit of an epic.
After asking XH to leave 5 years ago he finally left 3.5 years ago - He had always been very controlling and manipulative, always putting me down, skinny no boobs, get your hair cut, who’d want you, you look a state etc and always accusing me of having an affair - who have you been talking to today, who was at that meeting, what are they to you - 20 questions when I came in the door. It was only when I was hospitalised for a long period (4 months) that I saw the reality more and once I was healthier again asked him to leave. Our eldest (DD) had run away 6 years ago - police and social services were involved but nothing they could do - I wasn’t allowed to have photos up or look for her and he came up with reasons why she had gone which were convincing but when he went I started searching straight away - I thought about her and missed her everyday - and found out where she had been for a while and that they had a past residents mail box. I wrote a letter and told her I had always loved her and he had gone and I realised how manipulative and controlling he was. She got the letter two days later and that very night she knocked on my door. My knees went - I couldn’t stand up and couldn’t talk - I was so overtaken with emotion. She told me that night why she had left - he had been abusing her from the age of 11 and she had to go to save her live. She knew I never knew and didn’t blame me - but I felt so guilty that I hadn’t known. I thought I protected the children and I failed. It was the best and worst day of my life - getting her back but finding out why she had left.
My DS9 (then) didn’t know about her reasons - we only talked about it when he wasn’t there or was asleep and then three months later I was picking DS up from school and he was happy and dancing around and singing “don’t touch this” swinging his hands in front of his privates. I said what is all that about. He said they had done sex Education and about private’s being private. I laughed and said no one should touch you there. He said “well dad did”. My stomach rolled and lurched and I managed to press record on my phone saying I was switching it off as I am trained to do at work, and he told me some of it - I didn’t press - I know safeguarding rules - and immediately phoned the police and social services when I got home. They interviewed us all and I immediately got a non molestation in place to protect my DS and DD from any contact from him. He tried to break into the house one night but wasn’t successful and police came and did an upgrade in security and he was charged with breach of the non mol and given community service and a fine. It has since been quiet from him - that was 2.5 years ago but DS went through hell at school when he told another student that he had been raped by his Dad and it got out - the other boy didn’t know how to handle the information and the school dealt with it really badly. He is now at another school and doing really well - he is so much more confident and happy and even on the night his dad left he just cuddled me and asked for a hot chocolate and there was a relief in the house - little did I know then the horror of what had gone on.
The court gave me full parental custody and said that if he wanted to apply for access he would have go back to court and they would do a full hearing and hear evidence from both DS and DD and SS said they would do a section 7 protection (the CPS wouldn’t take it further - just staying on file) as DS was an unreliable witness where he has special needs and can’t remember dates. XH only pays the minimum Child support and that was after months of not paying anything. When he left he took all my savings and left me with debt and I have got back on track and doing ok.
I have since also met a wonderful man who is fantastic with DS - we don’t live together yet but he stays over regularly - we have been together two and a half years.
Then today our of the blue the school phoned to say XH had been in touch and was asking after him. They know the outline and only gave basic details - attendance good and no issues, but he made a strange comment to them about seeing DS on a scooter with two girls - he hasn’t got a scooter only a bike but it was a very strange call and comment. I am so worried now that it is going to kick off again. I don’t know what to do. I know DS doesn’t want to see him - it freaks him out and he is in such a better place now with his anxiety - his medication has gone down and he is happy.
I am so scared XH will do something and try to get at him. DP is out with his boys tonight but coming back later - I feel so vulnerable. Nothing has happened other than the call to the school but should I tell the police? I don’t know what to do for the best.