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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel anxious

15 replies

youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 20:20

I’ll try and keep it short - sorry it is a bit of an epic.

After asking XH to leave 5 years ago he finally left 3.5 years ago - He had always been very controlling and manipulative, always putting me down, skinny no boobs, get your hair cut, who’d want you, you look a state etc and always accusing me of having an affair - who have you been talking to today, who was at that meeting, what are they to you - 20 questions when I came in the door. It was only when I was hospitalised for a long period (4 months) that I saw the reality more and once I was healthier again asked him to leave. Our eldest (DD) had run away 6 years ago - police and social services were involved but nothing they could do - I wasn’t allowed to have photos up or look for her and he came up with reasons why she had gone which were convincing but when he went I started searching straight away - I thought about her and missed her everyday - and found out where she had been for a while and that they had a past residents mail box. I wrote a letter and told her I had always loved her and he had gone and I realised how manipulative and controlling he was. She got the letter two days later and that very night she knocked on my door. My knees went - I couldn’t stand up and couldn’t talk - I was so overtaken with emotion. She told me that night why she had left - he had been abusing her from the age of 11 and she had to go to save her live. She knew I never knew and didn’t blame me - but I felt so guilty that I hadn’t known. I thought I protected the children and I failed. It was the best and worst day of my life - getting her back but finding out why she had left.

My DS9 (then) didn’t know about her reasons - we only talked about it when he wasn’t there or was asleep and then three months later I was picking DS up from school and he was happy and dancing around and singing “don’t touch this” swinging his hands in front of his privates. I said what is all that about. He said they had done sex Education and about private’s being private. I laughed and said no one should touch you there. He said “well dad did”. My stomach rolled and lurched and I managed to press record on my phone saying I was switching it off as I am trained to do at work, and he told me some of it - I didn’t press - I know safeguarding rules - and immediately phoned the police and social services when I got home. They interviewed us all and I immediately got a non molestation in place to protect my DS and DD from any contact from him. He tried to break into the house one night but wasn’t successful and police came and did an upgrade in security and he was charged with breach of the non mol and given community service and a fine. It has since been quiet from him - that was 2.5 years ago but DS went through hell at school when he told another student that he had been raped by his Dad and it got out - the other boy didn’t know how to handle the information and the school dealt with it really badly. He is now at another school and doing really well - he is so much more confident and happy and even on the night his dad left he just cuddled me and asked for a hot chocolate and there was a relief in the house - little did I know then the horror of what had gone on.

The court gave me full parental custody and said that if he wanted to apply for access he would have go back to court and they would do a full hearing and hear evidence from both DS and DD and SS said they would do a section 7 protection (the CPS wouldn’t take it further - just staying on file) as DS was an unreliable witness where he has special needs and can’t remember dates. XH only pays the minimum Child support and that was after months of not paying anything. When he left he took all my savings and left me with debt and I have got back on track and doing ok.

I have since also met a wonderful man who is fantastic with DS - we don’t live together yet but he stays over regularly - we have been together two and a half years.

Then today our of the blue the school phoned to say XH had been in touch and was asking after him. They know the outline and only gave basic details - attendance good and no issues, but he made a strange comment to them about seeing DS on a scooter with two girls - he hasn’t got a scooter only a bike but it was a very strange call and comment. I am so worried now that it is going to kick off again. I don’t know what to do. I know DS doesn’t want to see him - it freaks him out and he is in such a better place now with his anxiety - his medication has gone down and he is happy.
I am so scared XH will do something and try to get at him. DP is out with his boys tonight but coming back later - I feel so vulnerable. Nothing has happened other than the call to the school but should I tell the police? I don’t know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
PocketFullofMumbles · 01/02/2019 20:35

Oh OP, I’m so sorry - you (and your kids) have really been through the mill.

I have no experience of this, so no advice, but a virtual handhold and a bump for someone more knowledgable to help Flowers

youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 21:19

PocketFullofMumbles - Thank you x

OP posts:
WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 01/02/2019 21:26

Of course you’re anxious. I think it’s a completely understandable reaction to what has just emerged. I have no personal experience to draw from that might help, but I would say that based on your post I would certainly call the Police to see what they might be able to do.

RonaldMcDonald · 01/02/2019 21:33

I would speak with the police and social services. I’d also go to the G.P.,and outline all this again and speak of your overwhelming anxiety ( natural by the way)
I’m sorry you and your family went through this. Good to have the groundwork done in case he begins to try to become a problem

youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 22:27

Thank you. Trouble is you feel so daft just phoning the police to say he contacted the school - I know it isn’t anything major but with all that has happened before it makes me wonder what else he is up to. It’s almost like making that comment to the school was a shot across the boughs - I might be thinking too much of it but I know what he’s capable of. I stopped loving him when he pushed me down the stairs when I was five months pregnant with DS. I went with DD then to my parents but DM was very old school - it’s your bed you have to lie in it - go back and get on with it and being pregnant with another child didn’t give me many options at the time.

Just did a yoga and feel much more relaxed though after that. Keep reminding myself we’ve been through much worse before...

OP posts:
SandunesAndRainclouds · 01/02/2019 22:31

Totally not unreasonable to be anxious. Don’t give yourself a hard time about being worried, it’s not surprising given the circumstances.

Personally, I would speak to the police. I have no idea if it would be recorded, but you could at least seek advice on how best and fastest you can seek help should he cause any problems.

Flowers
gottastopeatingchocolate · 01/02/2019 22:57

No wonder you are anxious!!

I would absolutely log the contact with the school with 101. Unfortunately, there may be more things to log as time goes on.

Is the non molestation order still in place? If not, I think I'd look at getting it reinstated.

whiteworld · 01/02/2019 23:03

Did the police charge your ex for raping your ds and abusing your dd for years? If not, why not?

youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 23:13

They didn’t renew the non mol after the second renewal as he was accepting the parental control and access restriction and the court made it clear that he had to go back to court to get access - which is when they would do a full hearing. He wouldn’t want it all to come out so that is a good deterrent in that way. The police also said if he starts causing harassment then they will charge him for that.

Unfortunately despite the police efforts the CPS wouldn’t take it to court - my DS has been six years away and it was historic and although she gave plenty of information they said it wasn’t enough. I know some of the bits I was able to correlate with dates - when I had been away for a work training event for a few days that had been one of the worst times and I could confirm that I was away, when and that when I got back I had a month of hell with loads of accusations and absolutely horrendous behaviour to me - which I can now see was his guilt. My DS has special needs including dyscalculia and doesn’t understand time properly - he will say something happened yesterday and you would think no that was a month ago - he just isn’t capable. He drew comic strips style images for the police which were horrendous - he found it very difficult to talk so he drew instead - and after hours of interviewing and five hours of video interviews they tried to put it forward but the Cps weren’t having it. The chief Inspector confirmed that it would stay on his record so anyone could check and if he was accused of anything else in the future it would come up and gave a supporting letter to the family court. The Chief Inspectors comment was that some people deserve to be a father - he isn’t one of them. They knew he had done it - they just couldn’t prove it. It was so hard to take, and with everything else that we have been through since with the school etc - having to take that to panel and get him support and counselling etc has been such a hard fight yet he gets off Scott free.

OP posts:
youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 23:14

Sorry DD was away six years not DS - it changed it.

OP posts:
whiteworld · 01/02/2019 23:21

That sounds very odd, not accepting ‘historic’ abuse when e.g. Jimmy Savile was charged for much older abuse than that.

Hugglessnuggles · 01/02/2019 23:22

No advice OP sorry, but I am really sorry you all went through this. This is stuff of nightmares for parents (well most parents).Flowers

youcantchoosethem · 01/02/2019 23:28

It took a lot of people coming forward with Jimmy Saville for it to finally stick. Believe me we tried very hard. To see how my DS and DD are both affected has been awful. Out shopping one day with DD she thought she saw him at the top of an escalator and had a panic attack. Offering to take her on holiday another time it took her three days to tell me it reminded her of a holiday when he had abused her whilst I was in the pool with DS - it isn’t for want of trying but the CPS would absolutely not take it. The system fails you unfortunately and I had to learn to live with that. They have said when DA is older if he can say more or wants to take it further they will reopen it but at the moment it’s closed.

OP posts:
Posterbook · 01/02/2019 23:45

Op, I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through. I totally understand re the difficulties with CPS - sadly, despite some progress re very public historical sexual abuse allegations resulting in conviction, the reality is that it's still only a tiny proportion of allegations that result in convictions, despite the people around the child (police, social workers and family) being very convinced by the accounts they've been given.

I would agree with PPs recommendations to log via 101. Hopefully nothing more will come of it but it's useful to have on record should, worst case scenario, there be anything further.

Fiddie · 01/02/2019 23:56

I would log it too Thanks

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