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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To think WTF!?!

27 replies

Mumofyoungteenagers · 01/02/2019 20:11

Background and bear with it does go on a bit, sorry.

I work for an organisation that has offices across the UK, with someone in the same job role as me in every office. About 6 months ago at a meeting with everyone in my job role at the end of the day 3 of us stayed behind for a ‘catch up’ the person whose office it was joined us and basically had a real good moan about their manager. I took it as a colleague letting off steam, to colleagues who probably ‘understood’ empathised a bit, let them rant in out went back to my office and promptly forgot the whole thing. After all haven’t we all at one time or another moaned to another colleague about a manager?

A week later I got a phone call from said colleague’s Manager asking me to confirm the contents of the ‘rant’. I said I felt uncomfortable repeating a conversation that wasn’t meant to be repeated and certainly not when the person involved wasn’t there to ‘defend’ themselves (it was obvious the manager wasn’t happy’) their reply was it’s okay [name] (one of the other colleagues that were there) has already told me everything. The manager then proceeded to repeat verbatim the rant and asked me just to confirm yes or no. I refused until I have a guarantee my reservation would be noted along with my opinion that it was just merely someone letting off a bit of steam.

It turns out the third colleague did the same as me and when the statements came out in did quite clearly note my reluctance and comments. Nevertheless what I can only terms as a witch hunt began and the rantee was dismissed and treated incredibly poorly in the process. The jungle drums beat and every colleague in the same job role found out that whole story (I suspect again the rantee didn’t hold back) the rantee called me thanked me for voicing my objection to the whole thing and was devastated to lose their job over what was as I suspected a rant after an arduous couple of weeks. The original teller of tales was richly vilified by the others and I was asked for my side of the story to which I replied I didn’t want to discuss it but the other colleague did and backed up the rantee.

Still with me? Good.... this December on a completely different subject, a notice came round from our dept director to everyone in our job role, giving us a robustly written document from which all departments had to follow with immediate effect and thanked the original teller for there time and effort in writing it. Imagine my shock in opening it it find it was my work, word for word, that I had emailed them when they were struggling with a particular problem back in June!

I took a second to breath, and watched whilst three or four emails came in to me from other offices querying this as my work (I’d sent it to others at the same time as I’d sent it to teller). Some even asked publicly (the teller remained extremely quiet) I politely emailed said director to explain it was my work, and backed up my claims with the emails showing I’d originally sent it out, and the dates on my pc when I’d written it. Director stepped up to the plate and announced to every office that they had in fact ‘got it wrong’ and I had written it. Again all resolved all sorted! Yay! Move on I didn’t write it for kudos I wrote it to help anyone struggling.

Only on Monday (we’re at the final bit, promise) I emailed everybody in the group (same job role) a question I was struggling with. Well I thought I’d emailed everyone, turns out I’d missed a couple, one newbie and one...yes you’ve guessed it.....the teller. It was a complete accident I thought I got everybody but I’d done it in a rush at the end of a hectic day and just didn’t double check. Today into my inbox pinged a really shitty email from teller saying, ‘you sent an email and I wasn’t included! What other important information have I missed out on? I’ll be asking the director!’ But also included the managing director, the senior regional director, our director and their manager!

I’m like WTF!? It wasn’t an important info thing really, just a “hey can you tell me what you do if you get this situation” type thing?

Why go all the bloody way up to MD level! AIBU or not? Genuinely don’t know how to deal with this? Do I reply all saying I’m really sorry it was a genuine lapse on my part and you haven’t missed out on anything important but feel free to talk to our director, do I ignore it. Do I tackle them? (Not my strong point) help me out here.

OP posts:
BonfiresOfInsanity · 01/02/2019 20:18

I would reply apologising and saying it was an oversight. I wouldn’t overly apologise, just do it as you would if it had been someone else.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/02/2019 20:19

You’re being silly. Just respond as per your first suggestion “sorry, genuine lapse etc” and then get back to business. Person’s is a knob but don’t make that your problem. They’re obviously a knob with lots of people.

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/02/2019 20:21

Yep, just reply a quick sorry, it was end of day and you had a quick question and intended to ask everyone but must have missed her. Can she help?

Some people are pathetic really.

CannyLad · 01/02/2019 20:23

I'd just forward the original.message saying "here you go, nothing worth worrying about, happy to hear if you have any input" as in rise above the whole thing and give them enough rope. Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong.

Whynotnowbaby · 01/02/2019 20:23

I think a reply all saying exactly what you said - genuine lapse etc. We’re all busy and make mistakes at times but of course you would never seek to exclude any member of the team. They can’t really argue about that without looking a bit of an idiot (they could suggest you excluded them due to their previous plagiarism but that wouldn’t really reflect well on them!)

StoneofDestiny · 01/02/2019 20:24

I'd probably ignore the email - rendering its importance to me as zero.

If you feel you need to respond - it would be a factual and brief....
'I wasn't imparting any important information, so you have not missed out on anything'

purplemirrors · 01/02/2019 20:24

Don't get sucked into their bullshit, just replying saying sorry genuine mistake I also missed off so and so. You haven't missed anything etc.

SweatyUnderboob · 01/02/2019 20:25

Just reply and apologise for the oversight. Remember a situation is only as political as you make it. I know the teller is being political but you don’t have to feed into it!

I’m sure all the layers of management won’t appreciate her dragging them in to day to day matters... let her hang herself.

JennyHolzersGhost · 01/02/2019 20:26

“Oh whoops, sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have rushed it, must have missed you by accident! Do you have any thoughts on my query ?”

She sounds as though she’s got it in for you though so I’d be careful.

Gazelda · 01/02/2019 20:27

I'd go with PinkPrincess's suggestion.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 01/02/2019 20:29

I would do as CannyLad suggests. This person will look like an idiot. They’ve obviously got their nose put out of joint for having their plagiarism found out!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 01/02/2019 20:29

I would really try not to get into any ‘oh silly me!’ Type interactions.

LordVoldetort · 01/02/2019 20:29

I would just go back and say ‘sorry, I thought I had included everyon but looks like a couple of people were left off. Keen to hear your suggestions for this situation if you have any? Then just leave it at that
I wouldn’t do a reply to all either, if your managers and above are anything like mine then they would rather be left out of all this. She’ll possibly then add them all in but they’ll see her being an idiot trying to gain attention

NChangeForNoReason · 01/02/2019 20:37

Agree with everyone else :

"sorry, I thought I had included everyon but looks like a couple of people were left off. Keen to hear your suggestions for this situation if you have any?"

Then ensure you watch ur back ... she is gunning for you!!!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 01/02/2019 20:40

I'd just forward the original.message saying "here you go, nothing worth worrying about, happy to hear if you have any input" as in rise above the whole thing and give them enough rope. Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong.

This ^^. By far the best suggestion so far.

There's no need to apologise, in fact I'd actively discourage doing so.

Your workplace sounds dreadful, btw, very unprofessional and hysterical conduct all round. Don't pander to it.

Mumofyoungteenagers · 01/02/2019 20:44

You’re right about all bar one of the directors who’s a bit of a drama out of a crisis kind of person, I really didn’t want to do a reply to all either. The teller does have a bit of a suckee uppee, brown nose reputation with other offices, but I try to stay out of office politics, I left the playground a long time ago! But I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll keep trying to push buttons. They loudly complained when I was made a lead of a project a while back, but I’d got almost expert credentials for the project, had worked with my office years longer than their months and I had managed to turn it around from completely falling apart to being a really useful tool within our jobs. But it was something they found difficult to use hence the loud complaint and the how they’d have done it (incidentally it was the exact same way it had been used before and had almost self imploded in the process) so I have a feeling I’m public enemy number one, ironically we’re at completely opposite ends of the country so hardly need so I just dont get it!?

I think I’ll go with the “oopsie, sorry looking at it, seems I missed a couple of you out”, (maybe copy the one I missed too,) and say “please any suggestions would be good and don’t panic it isn’t anything major” sound okay???

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 01/02/2019 20:51

No!

Keep it very business like.

Apologies if I missed anyone. Here’s the content of the email, happy to hear your thoughts’

Any other suggestion makes it sound like you think there’s something to apologise for - there isn’t really, so set the tone.

Mumofyoungteenagers · 01/02/2019 20:57

Your right princess, I should have thought of that, I’m a bit discombobulated by it all really, I think it was the director level cc that has thrown me.

No apology, just polite business like, here is the original apologies if I missed anyone in the original- just reiterate any suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 01/02/2019 21:00

My god they sound like an arsehole. Yes keep it totally neutral and don't worry.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/02/2019 21:05

There's no need to apologise, in fact I'd actively discourage doing so.

I agree. Having dealt with someone like this (i.e. an absolute psychopath) for a long time, I've found that giving them any response just feeds and encourages them. They want the apology. For some bizarre reason they see it as a huge victory.

I'd just forward the original.message saying "here you go, nothing worth worrying about, happy to hear if you have any input

I agree this is a very good response: positive, business like and giving them no room to take the drama forward. I'd change the 'nothing worth worrying about' to 'you haven't missed any information'.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/02/2019 21:06

No apology, just polite business like, here is the original apologies if I missed anyone in the original

My PP is a cross post. Spot on, OP.

LyndaLaHughes · 01/02/2019 21:16

How did they know they were missed off the email?

Mumofyoungteenagers · 01/02/2019 21:40

I’m not sure Lynda, I did wonder that too, but the email was about a subject that’s being discussed company and department wide not just by us, so they may have either been copied into it by someone else saying have you see so and so is asking about this. I’m trying not to overthink it really, trying not to give them head space to be honest.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 01/02/2019 22:03

"You haven't missed any information - it was just a query that I sent out quickly as I was working to a deadline. I've attached the original email for your reference."

S/he sounds vile!

chordFire · 01/02/2019 22:09

I would also bcc all the higher ups and write "BCD's XYZ so their inboxes don't get jammed with back and forth on this minor query" or words to that effect.