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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dance school lost dd's award [Edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

16 replies

curiousgeorgie247 · 01/02/2019 18:25

Dd1 who is 11 started dance last year and took her first exam in November. The presentation evening was last week and when dd went up to get get award with the other girls in her group they told her they couldnt find her plaque. So she only got her certificate. She was upset. I was fuming. They seemed so blase about it. But said theyd find it or order a new one.
I messaged the dance teacher last night to check if theyd found it ahead of tonights lesson so I could prepare dd. She wasnt at the presentation as she was ill and said dds award hasnt been mentioned but will ask the lady who works for her about it tonight. So i had to prepare dd for the worst this week. Shes gone through alot this year. Shes struggling with her emotions and self confidence. I just feel so bad for her. Everyone else got their award apart from her. Why is hers lost?
Im paranoid she isnt going to get her award at all. We paid the same as everyone else. Support the dance school and dd worked very hard for her award. Dancing doesnt come naturally to her. Shes done so well and im so proud. But all she has is a bit of paper to show for it when everyone else gas a plaque.
Tonight i found myself looking at trophy shops online. So i can buy her one if worst comes to worst. But it wont be an idta one and i dont knoe where to buy one of those do it wont be the same.

Im going on now sorry.

Any advice on how to tackle this with the school and dd. And anyone know where i can buy current idta awards?

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 01/02/2019 18:58

I appreciate your daughter is upset but I really think for her sake you need to take a step back. It's annoying it's lost, but they'll find it or you'll sort it. She's still amazing and got an award.

I totally get it that she's had a hard year. But I genuinely believe as the adult you should be chivvying her along, she's still got the achievement and should be really proud, although she obviously couldn't be as proud as you are.

Big her up and shower her with praise and let her see that this is such a tiny thing, and that you will sort it for her.

And then tell the dance school you need an update before next friday or you'll be asking for a refund so you can buy your own because it's unfair and just plain mean to single out a child in this manner, even if she's been mature and stoic about it.

C0untDucku1a · 01/02/2019 19:01

You need to get the dance school to replace the award. Get firm with them.

Poodloo · 01/02/2019 19:08

With all due respect (your daughters feelings aside) it's been 1 week. These dance teachers may have other day time jobs. Lots of things going on. They may have ordered a replacement already but not communicated with her teacher. You need to give it time. I run a brownie unit and if we accidently misplaced something, we'd put an order in asap but things take time to arrive. It's unfortunate, but it's life.

I'm sorry your daughter is upset and has had a hard year, but the dance teachers are human and humans make mistakes.

Original poster

curiousgeorgie247 · 01/02/2019 19:16

I havent made a big deal out of it. Told her at the time that is was annoying but it will be sorted eventually and not to worry.

I run a Rainbows unit so im aware these things do happen. Im not sure how on this occasion though as theres only 3 girls who are at the same level and they got their plaques.

C0unt what should I say to them?

OP posts:

fruitbrewhaha · 01/02/2019 19:18

Gosh, I think Diana has got it right here. You really need to see this for what it is. Either someone put it down somewhere, or they didn't order enough, it's annoying but it's not a big deal. When your DD was upset you should have shown that it was OK, that the school would sort it out and she would get the plaque at a later date, which she will. Be being furious you have fed the drama.

I now this is in the context of your DD have a tough time, but we help our children learn resilience. Life has a habit of not going to plan, or let downs and disappointments. Raising kids is teaching them to take it on the chin sometimes, and that it will come good in the end.

Why do you say you had to "prepare her for the worst"? The worst would be that the school has cancelled the class, she's been kicked out of class, you can't afford to send her anymore, or there was a horrible accident and the school burnt down. A delay in getting the trophy is really not the worst that can happen.

fruitbrewhaha · 01/02/2019 19:20

whoops, didn't check before posting - hope it makes sense.

Festivecheer26 · 01/02/2019 19:21

It’s not necessarily been the school’s mistake - the IDTA issue the certificates and plaques, it’s quite possible that they missed some when sending the awards to the school. It happens, there’s thousands of dancers taking exams in the same few weeks. Just wait for the owner of the school to respond and if necessary ask if she could get in touch with the IDTA to send one.

Highonthehill · 01/02/2019 19:22

I was part of a idta dance school and they would often not send all the awards... missing rosettes etc. The dance teacher should have checked they had all of them but should be able to get a replacement easily from idta.

If all else fails you could ask the teacher for their idta teachers registration and phone idta yourself?

Congratulations to your daughter. I know how hard it is to get up on the floor to do your exam it's so nerve wracking so she should be incredibly proud knowing she passed.

Bloomburger · 01/02/2019 19:22

Maybe if she was 4 years old your post would make sense but at 11 🙄

GertrudeWilloughby · 01/02/2019 19:22

Ask them when your daughter will get her award trophy. This emphasises that you fully expect that she will get it, and so it shouldn't become an if/but/maybe scenario. She's worked for it and deserves to get it.

I would hazard a guess that it's been put on order again and is a matter of time rather than being a deliberate slight.

Original poster

curiousgeorgie247 · 01/02/2019 19:23

When I said I was furious. I didnt let that show to her. She was upset enough. It was a big deal for her. And yes I prepared her for not getting her award this week as she got excited this morning sayong she was getting it today and i didnt want her to be disappointed again. Her not getting what shed eared was worst case scenario for her today.

OP posts:

Original poster

curiousgeorgie247 · 01/02/2019 19:25

*earned

OP posts:

Original poster

curiousgeorgie247 · 01/02/2019 19:34

Thanks. I will speak to the teacher about it when I collect her shortly. Dd just sent me a sad face message during the break. So looks like they havent found it

OP posts:

comedycentral · 01/02/2019 21:13

Oh no, gutted for her. It's awful feeling left out.

Dermymc · 01/02/2019 21:20

I'd say you need to work on her resilience rather than "dealing" with the dance school. Humans make errors, the dance school will correct the error in time. It's been a WEEK.

The tone of your post does not imply you were cool calm and collected with dd. She will pick up on your feelings around this. "I was fuming about it" why? It's a small error. She got a certificate and will get the plaque soon.

She's 11, old enough to understand.

dancinfeet · 01/02/2019 21:52

I have entered students for IDTA exams and it is quite common for the box to arrive with something missing, or a spelling error or the wrong award sent. This is the fault of the IDTA not the fault of the teacher.

The fault of the teacher is that she did not checklist that all awards were present and correct before handing them out. Maybe she relied on them to be correct, maybe she was busy - as another poster said she may have another job too. I have my own school and easily work 60-70 hrs a week in term time, I am often found doing random jobs like checking through an exam ward delivery in my dressing gown at 6.30am when I first get up, or at 1am before I head to bed.

I'd drop the teacher a reminder message on Monday morning to please call the IDTA and re order it (they are shut at weekends) and then it is in the hands of the exam board how quickly they turn it around and dispatch it, it may take days or weeks depending on how busy they are. Please don't start demanding a refund - the 'award plaque' is a very small part of the exam fee - the bulk that you pay is for the examiner to visit your dance school and to watch and critique your child's performance. Yes it's annoying and a bit disappointing for you and your child that the award wasn't sent with the others but it is easily rectified, and it isn't the teacher's mistake. Unless you want to be known as 'that parent' please don't carry on about it. If you haven't heard from them in say three weeks after you remind them on Monday, then it could be time to enquire about it again. And she is old enough to understand that if there had been an error from the exam board, that it was going to take a fair it of time to reissue and not magically appear by her next dance lesson.

The only other thing I can think of (and I'm certainly not saying it is the case) - when your daughter received her exam report, she HAD passed it I presume ? (assuming it was a grade not a medal test exam) A grade not awarded would receive the report form and a certificate of participation for the grade. Other than an admin error, this is the only other reason that I can come up with as to why her plaque wasn't sent.

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