AIBU with my doula experience?

[AbDabmanc]

I paid £950 for a doula. That included two antenatal home visits to sketch out the birth plan, support during the birth, being on call around the month of the birth and a postnatal visit of two hours.

I got to 42 weeks pregnant and popped into the hospital to discuss induction. Shortly after arriving it was decided I needed an emergency section, then and there. Due to complications both my son and I were in hospital for a further nine days, including some time in intensive care.

To give her her dues the doula arrived within 20 minutes of my husband letting her know about the c section. She wasn’t allowed into theatre and popped in for a couple of minutes into the post op recovery room. She also popped home to my house to bring in some more clothes etc

Then she vanished!

I had a few one line texts from her asking how things were going during my stay in hospital.

AIBU to be disappointed in my doula experience and annoyed that I have very little to show for the best part of £1000?

On one hand, you pay for their support during birth so if you have an emergency section there’s not much more they can do, is there?

On the other hand we had a pretty traumatic time and several of the very busy midwives sat down with me to give me the opportunity to chat it through.

There’s the opportunity to have her over for a postnatal session but I’m not very keen to see her, as I feel let down by the whole doula experience.

I’m interested in your thoughts, especially if you had a doula.

I didn't have a doula myself, but in the event of unexpected intervention or a traumatic event, I would have expected the focus to shift to the postnatal support.

All depends on contract. What was agreed in writing between you?

Congratulations btw! X

Do doulas have any qualifications or are they well meaning amateurs? What was she going to do that your midwife or husband didn't do? 8 know some come and help in the post natal days eg look after baby so you can take a break or have a nap or shower? could she do that? Sounds like her role and what she was going to do for the 950 wasn't clear?

I'd too expect the lion's share of the work to shift into postnatal care if she isn't able to be there for the birth, depends what your contract says though

I didn't have a doula though, just a very pale DH when I was crowning.... and then an 'overwhelmed' DH after birth. He needed to go home for a lie down because it was 'just so much to take in'

I would have expected her to be available postnatally, for feeding, bathing and to help with your care. Did you ask her to visit when you were home? As you were overdue it could be that another client was close to delivery but you had still paid for a service. How did you find her?

I had a doula and also had a short notice c section. The doula waited with me pre op, then met me in recovery. She stayed for a lot more than a couple of minutes though- I really valued her support while I was in recovery (helping me with skin to skin and breastfeeding, ensuring I was left alone to bond as much as possible, fetching me drinks and snacks as my blood sugar had dropped...). She then came with me to the postnatal ward and waited until I was settled and happy for her to leave.

We had previously agreed one 2 hour-ish postnatal visit and she came for that. I also had text support for the first 2 weeks, which was also in the contract. In fact I have a feeling that part of the fees weren't payable until the postnatal visit and her services were completed.

Finally I had a quick message on my baby's birthday, which was a nice surprise.

In your position I would have been annoyed at her scarpering so quickly after the c section, yes you pay for birth support but if you had laboured then she might have been expected to stay with you for a lot longer than a couple of minutes in recovery!

In answer to a pp- doulas do have qualifications, mine was just qualified and didn't have much experience doula-ing so I got her cheap! I also had the opportunity to provide feedback via the site I found her on, you might want to consider that?