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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if work team drinks should happen when everyone is in?

24 replies

Callistone · 01/02/2019 16:45

WFH today, as I do every Friday.

Email from dept manager comes around to invite team (12, all share same office) to a few drinks in the office, on the company, after work this eve because it's been a very busy month

I made a lighthearted/joke comment on email to one colleague (good friend) about feeling flattered I was so obviously missed in the office i.e. they forgot I wasn't there to join them for drinks. I don't mind, it was my choice to WFH on a Friday when that's the most common day for people to go out, always knew this would happen sometimes.

Colleague has run with this a bit and is annoyed for me. Thinks as I'm the only part-timer on team it's unfair that I get left out of these things. Not that she'd say anything to management. And like I said I don't mind, it's just one of those things - small children and p/t hours do not make for much spontaneity.

How colleague is now sure manager is BU and exclusionary as we've all had a busy month and it's unfair to thank the team by excluding the only part-timer and only parent of young children in the thank you

Is colleague BU or is manager BU?

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 01/02/2019 16:47

At my work people do their best. We rarely have drinks on a Friday as almost no one comes in (work from home not skiving)

That usually means a Tuesday or Wednesday so I can see why that might seem a bit anti social!

BusterTheBulldog · 01/02/2019 16:48

It’s tricky, I also wfh and our office beer fridge is always open on Friday afternoon so I never get any. I’m perfectly happy with that though as I’m happier working from home! I go in for occasions (Christmas do, summer do etc) so experience it then. It would be odd to do it on a Thursday so I think colleague is BU.

caesio · 01/02/2019 16:48

Don't see the problem, you were invited to the drinks, you are choosing not to go to them.

Original poster

Callistone · 01/02/2019 16:49

I should say invitation came out 30 mins ago, so not pre-planned and I'm well over an hour's commute away

Tuesdays would be a strange day for booze

OP posts:

Original poster

Callistone · 01/02/2019 16:50

I’m perfectly happy with that though as I’m happier working from home!

I said that to colleague, working from home once a week is much better in the long run than the odd warmish glass of free wine!

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 01/02/2019 16:55

As it sounds like a spontaneous event its not like anyone was maliciously left out on purpose, it wasn’t pre planned.
I think it’s odd your colleague is so over invested in it on your behalf when it doesn’t affect them. Typical office drama, some people love making mountains out of molehills to distract them from work!

JustTwoMoreSecs · 01/02/2019 17:16

No the manager is NBU!
Any event will always be discriminatory if you want to find a reason why: Evening? not fair for parents. Free alcohol? not fair for pregnant/muslims. Ice cream? not fair for diabetic...

Anyway, spontaneous Friday evening drinks are perfectly fine. As you said OP, working from home is nicer than a free glass of wine.

Stupidtrains · 01/02/2019 17:22

He's BU for arranging them last minute if this is a habit.

I think if I received your email it would read as passive aggressive, light hearted is hard to portray in emails.

icannotremember · 01/02/2019 17:26

I made a lighthearted/joke comment on email to one colleague (good friend) about feeling flattered I was so obviously missed in the office i.e. they forgot I wasn't there to join them for drinks.

I'd find that a bit of a PA comment to make, tbh, no matter how lighthearted it was.

In any case, I think your colleague is wrong. As you say, your choice to wfh on a Friday and if the not being part of drinks thing was that important to you, you could always change your wfh day.

Purpleartichoke · 01/02/2019 17:28

I can’t believe you commented. As someone who WFH exclusively, I make it a point to not comment on missing out on the social aspects of work. wFh is a privilege that could easily go away if you get petty about it.

Eifla · 01/02/2019 17:31

Meh, wouldn’t bother me personally. I usually make excuses to avoid the (very rare) after work drinks. On a Friday evening, I want to get home... not necessarily drink with colleagues. I only go to be social, sometimes.

I don’t suppose the managers done it intentionally. Trying to do a nice thing, and Friday works best for most people.

user1493413286 · 01/02/2019 17:34

To be honest I’d rather have the benefit of working from home even one day a week reliably.

whittingtonmum · 01/02/2019 17:35

It really isn't a big deal in my opinion and I would make sure no one kicks a fuss on my behalf. I wfh quite a bit and miss out on these things a fair bit. It really doesn't bother me. The limited time and energy I have for socialising in the evenings I prefer to do with friends - not work colleagues. Way more fun that way.

NeverTwerkNaked · 01/02/2019 17:35

Agree, it just sounds like a spontaneous plan. It’s clearly not discriminatory as working from home is a choice which inevitably results in being left out of stuff sometimes. And I say that as someone who works from home af least once a week.

Whisky2014 · 01/02/2019 17:39

I think YABU. You choose to WFH. It's very difficult to catch 100% of people at one time. You could have still gone in for the drinks I guess..

lunar1 · 01/02/2019 17:43

The passive aggressiveness is going to make the manager feel awful if someone tells them. Friday is the sensible day to do something like this.

ScreamingValenta · 01/02/2019 17:45

I think YABU - you could meet up with them wherever they're going if you want to enjoy the free drinks.

Whenever a social event is organised, there'll always be someone who can't make it for some reason.

Yazoooooooo · 01/02/2019 17:47

If you work for an accountants chances are this was not spontaneous but first Friday after 31st so kind of wouldn’t have been the same any other day.

anniehm · 01/02/2019 17:51

The most obvious day for drinks is Friday, just because you work from home on Fridays doesn't exclude you - I've gone in to meet colleagues on days I don't work (I'm pt) I don't expect full time colleagues to consider my hours (other pt employees do different days of course)

GogoGobo · 01/02/2019 21:46

YABU.
How can you possibly expect to be included in spontaneous Friday drinks when you have CHOSEN to WFH?
Should the Manager only ever suggest something that all 12 people can do?

Squirrelblanket · 01/02/2019 22:03

I think it would be unreasonable if every social event was held on Friday (assuming you work every Friday from home). I work in a team where we all work various days from home so we try to alternate which days we do anything social on so that it's not always the same person who has to miss out. If it was a one off I'd leave it and I do agree that your comment was quite PA, however it was meant, sorry!

BackforGood · 01/02/2019 22:17

This ^
It sounds like a spontaneous invitation, just sent round to the whole Team (more than likely set up as a Group e-mail).
tbh, even if you were in the office, you'd more than likely have not been able to have after work drinks as you would presumably be on a tight timeline to collect your dc. Other people might also have commitments. Some people might not drink. Someone else might have been on AL. Someone else off sick. It's just one of those things with a spontaneous invitation.

mysteryfairy · 01/02/2019 22:34

What’s the part time thing got to do with it? It wasn’t on a non working day for you so part time contract is irrelevant surely?

NameChangeNugget · 01/02/2019 22:36

YABU

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