Dh parents always ask me!!!

[Lightheart]

Let me start by saying this isn't completely serious and I get that it's not that big an issue in the grand scheme of things however...
DH parents text me instead of DH 90% of the time, they text about everything from asking for help to asking for stuff back the DH (not me) has borrowed! Or they'll text about arrangements DH has made for DC.
They are super helpful and lovely and i don't know why it annoys me so much but I just feel like by texting me they are adding to my already very full list of to dos and they could just text DH
So am I being unreasonable or would it annoy you

I get this too. He’s a perfectly capable man but they feel the need to add to my mental load but not his. Same with schools, friends’ parents, all sorts.

Sorry, Forgot to actually answer. YADNBU to be annoyed.

Sil does this and I find it really irritating! I think she assumes that as a woman it is my responsibility to organise the family.

I pettily reply "I'll ask dp to get back to you" every time.

Just reply ‘Please text DH’ every time. They will eventually get the message.

@Stompythedinosaur oh yeah I like that reply to the point without being to rude. As I say they are generally very nice people but this does irk me quite a bit 😂

I get these messages, it’s doesnt really bother me because I’m the organised one and do not work half the hours he does. I suppose it depends on the dynamic of the family.
What annoys me more is when he doesn’t answer his phone then they ring me to speak to him.

Of course they do, because they know he won’t answer!

Mine do this as well, it's usually just because they know I am much more organised and responsive than DH.

I don't let it get to me, if its something I don't know about because I'm not involved with, I'll just reply "I'm not too sure, you're better off asking DH" or "I'll check with DH"

If it's really bugging you can't you just reply things like "I'm really busy at the mo but DH should be able to help" ?

They'll get the hint

Just from the other side of things I know for a fact this is something my mum will do to my brother’s wife. He is RUBBISH and by texting her she knows she will get a response.
Having said all of that if my husbands mum only ever contacted me it would drive me potty so YANBU

My MIL had started doing it when she doesn't like the answer she gets from DH. He tells her to come round for 7, so she'll ask me if she can come for 5.30, that sort of thing. It doesn't bother me beyond a raised eyebrow but it would of it was everything. You're not his keeper.

Do the DPs' parents in these cases think they have handed over responsibility to their wives? Maybe they're assuming that all arrangements are made, and organisation done now by the female partner or 'mummy substitute'.

Just say you 'will forward message to dh' and stick a smiley face on. Inlaws message me and dh as my dh often doesn't tell me about plans they made

Yes. Bet the same thing happening to new husbands is rare as hens teeth.

Why not just reply 'not sure about that, you're better off texting dh' and do it every time they text with regards to him.

I agree with Josico. I had this with a couple of dh’s relatives for years. In the end I decided to politely re-direct them to dh.

“Have you remembered to send a card to Auntie Betty for her birthday?”
“I didn’t know it was Betty’s birthday...you would have more luck asking dh.”

“Are you coming along on the 5th for (family event)?”
“Dh hasn’t said either way. You can text him on (phone number).”

And so on...

It worked well. After a time they stopped bothering me with dh’s stuff with no bad feeling.

Oops I have done this to SIL, DB rarely organises or answers anything, it is usually to arrange something with my neices.
Not very regular but I will contact him next time. I know he 'll have to contact his DW for the answer.

Yep. This is me too.

my brothers wife said the same about my parents.

Until my mum pointed out that when she asked my brother she got 'you need to ask wife' or 'i don't know what wife will say'

dbros wife is very much the organiser but had no idea that for a long time dbro was sending them in her direction or making out he could not make a decision without her say so. It just seemed easy to cut out the useless middleman. Sil like being the organiser but hadn't factored in the fact people would just start asking her directly instead of him. Even his friends do it

Yanbu

My mother once phoned me to ask where I kept something when my now-ex was standing in the same room as her.

Mine do this too but I think it's MIL deferring to me...she doesn't want to piss me off so she checks things with me.

Beeziekn33ze I think that is the case for most marriages.

Set up a wasapp group for you all- then they can ask you and he can answer!

I’m glad it’s not just me who gets this.

Every arrangement, every birthday or Christmas present it’s always me who is asked. I even get calls when I’m at work and MIL will say “I’m calling you because (DH) is at work”.

Well... I’m at work!

And don’t get me started on when DH’s aunt told me to set my career aside and support DH to progress in his. I should do all the childcare/house stuff.

I just ignore them now, harsh but it’s the only way. I’m not DH’s keeper and my DPs wouldn’t dream of doing the same to DH.