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AIBU?

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AIBU? To think that

18 replies

Loppeyloo · 01/02/2019 12:22

Hi me and my partner of over 10 years had an argument the other day brought on by my finding that he has been on several dating websites. I did not at first confront him on this as I don't find comunicating when annoyed/ angry really easy and tend to bottle all this up. Last week after a few days of just completely ignoring him he ask what was wrong why was i ignoring him. so I finally just exploded words at him about what I had found on his computer. He claims that his friend has signed him up for them and has also done fake facebook accounts and Instagram accounts. I however do not believe this for several reasons. 1 He spends alot of time with "friends" but dosent invite me to any nights out when friends partners are going. 2. It's like saying a highly boy did it and ran away. 3. If his friend signed him up for them then why has he been logging in to them. 4. He went weird when I signed into his computer to check uni app and said I was on his whatsapp. 5. He had a 2 year long thing previously where he claimed he was going to see friends but was actually meeting up with a married ex to "talk".
I am driving myself nuts. He is constantly on his computer or texting and smiling at his phone when he comes home from work or is in a weird mood and just ignores me like now. I am at the point of just grabbing his phone and snooping.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/02/2019 12:27

He spent two years meeting up with an ex and you think he was “talking”?
You know he’s a lying cheat right?

daftgeranium · 01/02/2019 12:28

Time to ditch him OP, he sounds like a complete shit

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2019 12:30

Why are you with him? Just WHY?

ethelfleda · 01/02/2019 12:31

Yep - have my first ‘LTB’

PutyourtoponTrevor · 01/02/2019 12:32

So he's cheated on you once that you know of and he spends his time on dating sites - he's not a keeper OP, ditch now

Loppeyloo · 01/02/2019 12:48

TBH I don't actually know what happened with his ex when he was meeting with her they both said nothing happened, however I don't actually trust him anymore. I need to know the truth in order to make a rational decision about how to go forward. However I also want to just end it but that is irrational and it may be my trust issue.

OP posts:
KC225 · 01/02/2019 12:52

Are you familar with the term emotional affair. People get married with 'nothing happened' doesn't mean they we not emotionally invested. If it was innocent why did you have to find out about it. He won't change OP.

FlagFish · 01/02/2019 12:54

They were meeting up for two years? And nothing happened? Yeah right!!!!!

hellsbellsmelons · 01/02/2019 13:07

Why are you with him? Just WHY?
^ THIS... with big fat bells on.

Please don't do this to yourself.
You deserve far better than this.
I'm assuming you are young.
The woman on THIS THREAD is doing the right thing.
Please learn that you deserve only the best in life.
You get one shot at this. Don't waste your life on this lying, cheating scumbag.

MrsMallett · 01/02/2019 13:18

Based on what you’ve said I don’t think wanting to ‘just end it’ is being irrational. If you don’t trust him there is no relationship, so the sooner you finish things and move on, the sooner you can find real happiness/an actual relationship...

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2019 13:33

Op, you are allowing him to play you for a fool. He is blatantly lying to your face, over and over, yet you still think dumping him would be "irrational." The only irrational part of this whole sad story is you being a mug.

FigandVanilla · 01/02/2019 13:39

You don’t need to snoop OP - you know he’s cheating. Get rid of the fucker!

Gina2012 · 01/02/2019 13:43

However I also want to just end it but that is irrational and it may be my trust issue.

  1. That is NOT irrational
  1. It is not your trust issue
  1. You want to end it because he's a knob and untrustworthy and you deserve to get him and his behaviour out of your life
  1. Go for it. Get rid.
Handsfull13 · 01/02/2019 13:58

If you aren't going to just end it because you want answers then you need to work out answers you need.

I don't think you have trust issues I think you have a partner who has shown he can't be trusted.

If you need the truth then tell him if your relationship is to continue you want him to show you the account and all the fake accounts needed to set it up. Then tell him his friend needs to come over and explain that he did all these things and why he did them.

Even with that I wouldn't trust him anymore and I don't see the point in continuing a relationship where you can't even trust your partner.

Josico58 · 01/02/2019 15:25

Girl, you need to dump this guy ASAP.

TBH I'm surprised he hasn't already ended the relationship. He clearly doesnt want to be with you if he is on dating websites.

Sorry to be harsh but sounds like you need a big old slap in the face from reality if you seriously just wrote out that post and still think that you could be being unreasonable / irrational.

Please don't be so gullible. Please show yourself some respect.

Putting up with this kinda BS is so damaging to your soul.

Get rid ASAP.

LadyBunker · 01/02/2019 15:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

LadyBunker · 01/02/2019 15:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 01/02/2019 15:36

I don't actually trust him anymore

Whether he is or isnt is irrelevent - this is what is important ^^ . You can do better, this is destroying your self esteem

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