To ask about parenting siblings...

[Putmedownforanap]

We have 2 children, a 3 year old daughter who we adopted at 6 months and a son we are in the processing of adopting who has been with us for around 3 months and is now 10 months old. They are birth siblings.

At the moment we are finding we are having to do a lot of 'parallel parenting'. Our daughter goes to nursery for a day and a half a week and also spends a day with my Mum. When my husband is around we often have one child each. Our daughter is very interested in her brother and after the initial settling in, is now generally fairly good with him. He is very wary of her however and often cries when she cuddles/kisses him (even when she is gentle) or if she tries to play with him. I feel bad for both of them in this situation!

I only really mention the adoption element as obviously it changes the sibling dynamic. As yet they both seem happy, well adjusted typically developing children.

I just wondered what other people's experiences have been with children of a similar age? Both children are lovely and I love spending time with them, but on the days I have both by myself it does feel like I am just 'getting through' and neither are getting a particularly good deal....

Will this change?

Fellow adopter here.
Ours were a bit older so I can't really help, except to say it sounds pretty normal to me.
Have you found the adoption board here under 'Becoming a Parent'?

Try to do something fun every day. It really doesn't matter if some of the household stuff slips for a while. You don't have to be perfect, only good enough.

Thanks teen I think it is totally normal and I'm not really sure the adoption bit is that relevant. I guess I just wanted to hear other people's experiences of when/if their siblings became more of a 'unit' and enjoyed each other's company etc.

And if it's 'ok' to parallel parent for a while or whether we should be trying harder to spend time all together....

My kids aren't adopted, but they're a similar age, and our situation sounds quite similar to yours. We also do a lot of parallel parenting - not helped by the fact that my youngest needs to be somewhere quiet and calm in order to go to sleep - which is obviously really hard if I'm on my own with the two of them (it basically only works by deploying CBeebies). I definitely feel bad for both of them when I'm on my own with both.

The only difference between my kids and yours is that my DS LOVES DD, and will giggle and smile and laugh through quite rough affection (until suddenly she goes too far and he starts crying). He's a very social baby though, and finds it quite dull being at home with Mummy - he will cry when she leaves the room.

I'd love to say I've found a way to make it work, but I haven't really. Except CBeebies. That really helped when I gave in and accepted that there were times when DS needed my full attention and this was the only way he was going to get it.

I've got 2 and parallel parenting just makes life easier! I think it's about balancing it all. Spend equal amount time with each child and try to do things altogether as well.

The baby not liking his sister much is normal too! My 2 are 13 months apart and at first my older one didn't like the baby and then the baby didn't like the older one and it's still like that sometimes. And then sometimes ds kisses dd and she laughs hysterically and it's magical .

Thank you! Hearing other people's experiences is really helpful My heart does break for my daughter a bit as she seems very keen on her brother and is always dancing around and making funny noises etc. for him. He is a very happy, bubbly sociable baby with everyone but her! He tolerates her but I've never even seen him crack a smile in her direction (yet strangers in a cafe get the full charm offensive...). I guess her was an only child for the first 7 months of his life in foster csre, so maybe it'll just take a while....?