To be unhappy with how nursery are dealing with DS being picked on?

[Juliethigh]

Have name changed just in case.

My DS has been having issues with another boy at nursery. DS is autistic and doesn't really understand when someone is being mean or doesn't want to play etc. He is the most calm, placid child I have ever come across. If someone snatches a toy, he walks away. If someone pushes him, he walks away. If someone hurts him, he will cry and not retaliate. You get the gist.

He had said a few times since he started in August that this boy had tripped him up. Mentioned it to his key worker and was assured they would keep an eye out.
About a month ago DS developed a bruise on his shin, asked him what happened and he said other boy had kicked him. Discussed this with key worker the next day and she said it had slipped her mind to let me know as there was no obvious injury at the time but again she would keep an eye out.
Last week DS had a scratch on his face. When I picked him up his key worker said it happened in the garden but she didn't see how it happened, DS said the boy did it. She was reluctant to discuss it because no one else saw it happen.
Today I got a call to say there had been an accident and could I pick DS up. When I got there DS was crying his heart out and they had an ice pack on his head. Head teacher told me the other boy had pushed DS off his chair. He landed on his head/neck. I took him to A&E to be on the safe and they reckon he's torn some ligaments from the strain when landing and said he's lucky it wasn't anything worse.

Nursery have said that the boy doesn't speak any English and understands only very basic things so they will be talking to the boys parents and asking them to speak to their son. But how on earth do I know if these parents actually try and do anything about it?

I've requested a meeting with the head teacher next week but I'm unsure what I want from it. I want to know that my DS is being protected as much as possible and I feel they're so far doing a shitty job of ensuring that. This boy is deliberately hurting my DS and there has been no repercussion of that for him. I know they're only young (DS is 3, other boy is 4) but something still has to be done, right? How would other nurseries deal with this behaviour? I feel like moving nursery is the only option but I don't want to upset DS routine

Oh my, your poor DS and poor you.

I personally don’t think the nursery are doing enough at all to safeguard your child. That must’ve been some force and at 4 the other boy should know better.

How does the nursery communicate with the boy if he has very little English? When my DD was in nursery; all the kids with non english speaking parents still spoke english.

I’d speak to manager or nursery, and if that gets you nowhere, go higher.

Might it also be worth reporting to OFSTED as they don’t seem to be paying much attention or able to actively communicate and interact with all their kids.

And I would definitely move nursery as it probably won’t get any better and you’ll always be worried.

I suspect the other child must also have additional needs as August last year until now is a very long time to be in a nursery environment and not know any English.

However additional needs aside the nursery need to be more proactive with this. If they know the child is likely to act out at other children then they should be splitting the groups more. Smaller numbers means they are better able to keep an eye on his behaviour, and model positive interactions with others. Also they should be closely monitoring his behaviour, to ensure he has less chance of being in a position where others are able to be injured.

I would consider finding a nursery that actually cares for the children. We all expect the odd scrape or bruise through falling over or even a bit of argy bargy with other kids but I would also expect any rough play to be dealt with quickly at the time by nursery staff.
The injuries sustained from being pushed off the chair and the frankly shit way the nursery dealt with it are deal breakers for me. I would report them to ofsted.

The nursery are shockingly bad! To have missed so many incidents like that, i would be threatening to report to OFSTED if they don't take action, he needs serious words from his parents and if it continues he needs to be removed from the nursery, he also needs teaching English!
Hope your lovely boy is doing ok

I assume a nursery would work the same as a school - in that you have no business knowing what they are doing about the other boy - punishment etc. You also have no business knowing what his needs are.

What you do have the right to discuss is your child - so focus on that and try not to ask questions about the other boy.

• what are they doing to keep your son safe?
• are they going to reduce the number of children your keyworker has to ensure they can properly supervise?
• are they going to split up your son and this boy as their current dealing with it is exacerbating the situation.

Keep those kind of questions at the top of your mind, trying not to get too emotional (very difficult when it's about our children) and if you feel their answers aren't good enough, then yes, I would move. Good luck op

I don’t have anything useful to say, just wanted to say your poor DS and offer some support .