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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bolshy people who think they are the greatest

18 replies

NchangeNchange · 31/01/2019 22:53

Ok, recently have been working with 3 different women who think they are great and are sooo bolshy about it. They are loud, obnoxious and forceful. They think being like this is 'assertive' and milder mannered people lack assertiveness. They claim to know everything (one even likes to tell everyone on a regular basis her IQ score (Hmm) which she assumes is the highest in the office (it's not)) and she speaks very patronisingly to others.

They give advice where none has been asked for, and they have no qualms about telling people how great they think they are (even though, well, they are just average at what they do, and also, incredibly annoying!)

Are you one of these people? (the women I work with are proud to be this way) And if you are, do you genuinely, deep down, really think you truly are the bees knees? Or is it a cover for actual low self esteem? Why is being bolshy and forceful and obnoxious apparently the best way to be? Have you ever considered shutting up and actually listening to some of the colleagues you talk over and think so little of? (because maybe they'd surprise you? and maybe their manner has some merit? and maybe, just maybe, they r as good as you at their job (and shock horror, might have some knowledge that you don't have?)

OP posts:
badlydrawnperson · 31/01/2019 23:07

YANBU

ShadyLady53 · 31/01/2019 23:08

YANBU I run a mile from these types.

BartonHollow · 31/01/2019 23:10

YANBU I have one of these

She is also self proclaimed :

I Would Do Anything For Anyone

I Am A Spiritual Person

I am compassionate and empathetic

I am a giver

Except for the fact that her own behaviour disproves all this self praise on a daily basis GrinHmm

SunshineOutdoors · 31/01/2019 23:11

Part of me envies these people for having what I assume is high self esteem and think I’d love to live my life like that rather than feeling imposter syndrome most of the time. The other part of me realised how they come across to most of the world and is glad to have a bit more self awareness. But I do find them difficult especially in a work environment.

Siameasy · 31/01/2019 23:15

I had one like this. If you made a small error it would be like OMG YOU DOUGHNUT
as if she had never made such an error herself
We drive at work and it would be WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!? if you dared to drive in anyway outside of her rules of driving or take a different route
Everyone hated her and when she left not many went to her leaving do

DarkDarkNight · 31/01/2019 23:17

I work with someone like this. I don’t think it’s a cover for low self esteem with her, se she just thinks she’s great.

I suppose it’s nice she has high self esteem. She’s the type to point out other peole’s mistakes and thinks she herself makes none. She has no real empathy for other people, she makes a good attempt as she likes to talk about how deep she is, but it is all surface level.

Loud, immature and often inappropriate, especially irritating when you can hear her in the background when you’re on the phone.

God that was cathartic.

AornisHades · 31/01/2019 23:20

Female or male, if you are desperate to convince everyone you're the dog's bollocks then you probably aren't.

Neverender · 31/01/2019 23:23

Loads of men do this...let's try and stay on the same side, no?

They've been conditioned that they HAVE to be like this to be heard. And they're probably right?

longwayoff · 31/01/2019 23:32

Sales?

dellacucina · 31/01/2019 23:35

How does IQ even come up?

badlydrawnperson · 31/01/2019 23:41

Sales?

I'm betting HR - can we have a sweep stake?

whatacrapusername2306 · 31/01/2019 23:41

These are the type of people I avoid like the plague. Yes, they do think they are the dogs bollocks. Probably why I don’t have a great deal of female friends either. Not so great if you are stuck with them all day too.

Witchend · 31/01/2019 23:45

I know someone like this (male)

I think when you get someone who is like this all the time you get:

  1. No one says anything because "it's just them"
  2. People tend to kowtow to them because they sound so confident.

Because of that they believe their own boasts, not knowing that people really are rolling their eyes behind their back.

Kemer2018 · 31/01/2019 23:48

Gobshites. Everywhere. School run, work yadda yadda.
I run a mile and never divulge personal stuff go these types.
They don't care much anyway, it's all about them.

flamboyantchorizo · 31/01/2019 23:57

I know a married couple like this. They are UNBEARABLE. Not only do they boast and brag for themselves but for each other too. Anything you've done or want to do, they've done it but better than you ever can. They think they've discovered all the good things themselves, before the trend. They give unsolicited opinions on things all the time. Like walking into someone's house for the first time and making loud declarations about all the bits of decor they don't like. The woman did this to her MIL on first visit, they've never gelled, funnily enough!

I think they genuinely believe it. The man of the couple found out that someone had said something negative about him once and there was much gnashing of teeth at the very idea that someone didn't like him.

badlydrawnperson · 01/02/2019 00:01

This has just reminded me of that line in the film Shirley Valentine - "I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket. She's that type, Gillian, you know. If you've got a headache, she's got a brain tumor."

GunpowderGelatine · 01/02/2019 00:02

TBH this sounds like every mediocre male I've ever comes across

Shodan · 01/02/2019 00:22

I had a friend who is like this.

Apparently not only does she think she's amazing at everything, everyone else does too. I know this because she kept telling me. She would loudly point out mistakes I'd made, laugh about it, tell other people things I'd done/said to make me look small...She isn't a nice person.

We are no longer friends.

Mutual friends and I have talked about it from time to time, and opinion is divided on whether she actually has low self esteem, but I come down firmly on the side of Nope, she's just an arsehole.

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