The fucking god awful guilt is hurting me

[thisgirlwantsmore]

I took my gorgeous 3yo son to gullivers world today. It was ace, nice and quiet and we had free run of the place.

Eating dinner, he says mummy can we go on that (points at a ride) or are you too busy?

Oh lord, I swoop him up, no way I'm not busy today I'm with you all day.

Just can't get it out of my head.

I left full time work to be at home more for the kids but now i work from home, maybe takes up 2/3 hours a day, usually which it's a morning in childcare or an afternoon with grandparents. Basically my time without my kids is spent working. I didn't think they noticed this. But then there is certainly an hour or 2 each day which I'm cooking, cleaning, tidying up. Made me realise it's often my answer, I can't (colour/play/read/cuddle/whatever) because I'm busy.

I know inbu but ffs I'm trying my best and his innocence well it's just stung bad.
😭😭

On the flip side, it's a good thing that they have to get on with their own stuff sometimes. It doesn't seem to end too well for those children who have 24-7 attention.

Make it really clear 'mummy has to go to work now' I bet they don't say the same about their father, because he goes out to work, they see you being at home and probably don't understand that your job is done from home, you're their do they expect you to be available. No one's fault just misunderstanding

It s nothing to do with you working then is it?
Get a cleaner or let them help you so you not say ing "I am busy? But sometines it s inevitable. Tough really. "I m just going to cook then we can read later" might go down better? They will get over it. What about their dad? Is he never busy?

Ahh it’s pretty damning when they come up with stuff like that. But you were having the most wonderful day. He’s just copying something you’ve said before, not implying you say it all the time. It’s how they learn to speak, after all. Little sponges. I think it’s quite sweet he asked, actually, didn’t assume you’d automatically be able to do it but asked politely. Don’t feel bad. Sounds like you’ve changed up your life to spend more time with the kids.

I wouldn’t worry about it. The other day we were watching a programme about what parents do for their children and I asked my daughter what I did for her and she said ‘you shout at me when I’m naughty.’

She also always asks if I’m working today....

It's hard when they pull on the heart strings!

Can he do house work with you? My DD is almost 3 and has her own pretend Dyson, dustpan and brush etc so whatever I'm doing she's also doing. She helps me load the washing machine and dryer, if I'm dusting she has a cloth too so she's 'helping' while learning life skills.

She thinks it's fun and she's occupied at the same time.

She sits on the kitchen side when I'm cooking too and passes ingredients.

Might be worth a shot!

But adult life does involve working and house chores. Why is it making you feel guilty that your child knows that? You're clearly not out of the house 80 hours a week, there is really no need for guilt.

Its hard I know. But actually I think it’s quite sweet that he considered what you have said before (in a way I can’t quite articulate). He sounds a very thoughtful little boy.

Not really the point but I wouldnt have fancied going to a theme park today it was freezing!

I don't understand why you took it badly. You ARE busy on a normal day, so what? Someone needs to take care of the house, and do the boring stuff. The kids can help or play by themselves, it's good for them.

That's why we have weekends and holidays, so a chance to spend time with our families. I have a no chores at the weekend rule, and it works very well for us.

Today you weren't busy and made the most of it. Other times you are working, or feeding and tidying; both in part for him. You do what needs to be done, and then use time together in a fun way/

Could he be doing an activity with you? When I cooked I'd often have one or both 'helping', or they'd be colouring or 'doing art' at the table (another tidying task for sure). They'd be encouraged to hang washing with me- passing the items. If I was tidying I'd try to get them to tag along to get it done faster in order to insert whatever you'll be doing with them.

Last night DD2 (8) was tidying her room without being asked. I consider the extra housework time because of their 'assistance' to be worthwhile. Of course it was 2230 I found her still up and not asleep...

Oh, love him! Such a tender age, and he already understands so much. Be proud of your little darling xx

Oh lord + swooping, makes me think this is a DM bait thread...

My 4 year old says stuff like that too. It's just life, we can't be available 24/7 for the fun stuff and he is learning that we have to work to earn pennies for nice things Nd that household jobs need doing.

When asked where I would most like to go in the world my 5yo answered Tesco. They have slightly strange interpretations of reality

Life isn't like Hollywood or how you construct it in your head. Sometimes you're busy, but case in point you taking your DC to a theme park, you're clearly doing the right kind of things. Be kind to yourself and forgive and understand these times. If you try to be too perfect you'll tear yourself apart.

Ah I totally understand that but the thing to dwell on is, you said 'No, we can do it' ! :) Don't be hard on yourself. I try to say 'I'd love to' I'm very busy now so tell me what we'll play and I'll get the dinner sorted and join you.' Feels like less of a rejection!!

I know, I know, thanks everyone. Think it was just the wording and his consideration of me.

I don't know just probably assumed I was always there when he needed me, and in his little head I haven't been, I've been busy. But that's life.

Was just very flippin cute and I'm emotional.

Don't feel too bad... when she was 3, my daughter came to me with a 2p piece saying she was paying me 'for your intention [attention]' but honestly, I knew that didn't mean she was neglected and she knew and knows she is loved!