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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at DP coming home late?

25 replies

dogsaretheworld · 31/01/2019 18:43

My DP (fiancé) tutors after his main job. He has taken on a lot of people and we've had to manage our times for this as we share a car that he takes for this and he needs to pick me up from work.

He generally spends 10 mins after each session speaking to the parents to debrief before going on his way. However, there is one woman who he always overstays by 30 minutes with. It has caused so many arguments.

I have told him over and over again it's excessive. It doesn't help that the woman is only a bit older than him and attractive for her age (his words).

I have said I feel uneasy and can he ensure he shortens it to 15 minutes which is still more than the others. FWIW, he is not discussing the children, he admits they just have a general chat about life.

I am getting so upset and this has happened every week since September and as a result every week we argue about it. I really think he should take my concerns into consideration.

Also he doesn't need the money it's just a nice extra earner.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2019 18:44

Don’t pick him up.

Beenherebefore · 31/01/2019 18:44

So you have a wedding date set but you don't trust him and you think he's having an emotional affair?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/01/2019 18:45

And no YANBU.

Sexnotgender · 31/01/2019 18:45

It’s not that he’s coming home late, it’s that he’s chatting to an attractive woman that’s the issue for you.

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 18:46

Telling him it's annoying if you are waiting is fine.

Dictating who he can chat to, isn't really on.

Original poster
dogsaretheworld · 31/01/2019 18:51

No, he has the car so I have to wait at the station for him or spend £10 on a taxi which isn't feasible all the time! It will add up with my £5k season ticket.

It's that he's late. I know he's not having an affair but it's not nice to know he's late because he favours speaking to a woman he has said he thinks is attractive...

OP posts:
Original poster
dogsaretheworld · 31/01/2019 18:51

He also won't tell me he's running late so I end up waiting about half hour as our times are planned for my hour commute to align with him

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 31/01/2019 18:52

Whose car is it, can't one of you get the bus?
You are making a rod for your own back, yes he should say gotta go and pick up the oh, but he clearly doesn't want to. You are jealous, he childishly finds it flattering. Are you going to leave him over this?
So you either have world war 3 every week or change your tune, relax, pretend it doesn't matter and keep him waiting sometime he is not expecting it, preferably in the cold and rain. Or flirt madly with someone at work and tell him about it. Don't you trust him, if not no point continuing, the world is full of women.

Nicknacky · 31/01/2019 18:52

Have you posted about this before? There was an very similar thread a few months ago.

Beenherebefore · 31/01/2019 18:53

Well clearly you're jealous because you keep referencing that he mentioned she was attractive, but that aside, is he leaving you standing waiting (in the cold) for a lift because he's too busy chatting? If so then that's not on.

HollowTalk · 31/01/2019 18:55

I remember this thread, too! Is he still doing it?

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 18:56

If it's because he was late, you would be commenting on her age, sex or attractiveness.

Purpleartichoke · 31/01/2019 18:57

You need to figure out your real issue. For me, that would be the lateness in picking you up. If he can’t be on time, then the two of you need to work out a different system. If he wants to stick with the current system, then he needs to be on time.

Original poster
dogsaretheworld · 31/01/2019 19:04

I've just realised I'm drip feeding.

One of the reasons we have the times all worked out of when he can do the tutoring is because we have a DC who needs to be picked up. I work unpredictable times and also in the city so his job is to pick her up from my mums who isn't particularly pleased that he's taken on more tutoring.

He is meant to get me then we collect DC. If I am working late he is meant to get her ASAP.

It is the selfishness of it. If he just thought "ok better go today" then fine, but it's every single week even when I say "we need to be on time today because of XYZ"

And no, not my post sorry.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 31/01/2019 19:04

Being made to was is infuriating. Yanbu.

Original poster
dogsaretheworld · 31/01/2019 19:06

And I do think the attractiveness is relevant.
You'd be lying if you said you wouldn't mind your other half being late to get you if it was because he got caught up talking to an attractive woman. I'd be just as angry if it were the dad (has been an odd occasion with another student!) but it's a bit more hurtful when he is aware of the need to come home but doesn't.

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 31/01/2019 19:17

You will drive this person away with your paranoia, insecurity and controlling behaviour.

BendingSpoons · 31/01/2019 19:24

When you explained further, YANBU. I would be cross if DH hung around chatting whilst I was freezing at the station and knowing my mum was irritated that we were late to get DC. He is showing that he has little regard for your time.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 31/01/2019 19:31

He clearly values time with her more than you.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 31/01/2019 19:38

You will drive this person away with your paranoia, insecurity and controlling behaviour.

Fucking ridiculous!!! She's waiting at the bloody station whilst he's having an unnecessary chat with some woman (although it would be just as disrespectful if it was a bloke).

Sexnotgender · 31/01/2019 19:42

Ok now you’ve explained further that would piss me off too.

If you’re waiting at the station while he pisses about unnecessarily then that’s not on.

TulipsInbloom1 · 31/01/2019 19:44

Do you or he pay your mum for the additional childcare she is providing?

tashac89 · 31/01/2019 19:45

If he doesn't need the money from the tutoring why not use that for a small car he can use for work. Solve the car sharing problem.

HollowTalk · 31/01/2019 19:54

You will drive this person away with your paranoia, insecurity and controlling behaviour.

No, she won't. He has the car.

HollowTalk · 31/01/2019 19:55

OP, I think the only way to deal with this utter twat is to have your own car.

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