to be a bit shocked and question my life choices?

[HappyWorkaholic]

NC because even though I'm not about to name my employer directly they'll be easily identifiable by a quick Google search:

I work for a multinational professional services firm. Some three weeks ago, our CEO stepped down for health reasons (having previously been diagnosed with cancer a couple of years back) but was 'going to stay on as an advisor' to his successor. Today, it was announced that he has passed away.

I consider myself a bit of a workaholic, to be honest, and I don't think it's a bad thing as such. I love my job. It gives me a sense of achievement and that makes me happy.

But this news has really kind of shaken me. I didn't exactly know our CEO personally (met him once and exchanged a few pleasantries - I'm literally personally closer to the guy that refills the paper towels at the office), but I've been working here for a decade and have been steadily climbing the ladder. And him dropping dead within three weeks of stepping down makes me wonder if this is the price of professional success and if I'm missing something major here / doing it all wrong.

I'm not looking to ever shoot for the CEO post myself. Apart from everything else, I pride myself on my fully functioning grasp on reality. But I do enjoy working and I love me a good, preferably near impossible, challenge. I don't mind a good old 20-hour day every once in a while.

But I don't want to be diagnosed with cancer and soldier on until I pretty much drop dead at the main entrance on my way out of the office. I also don't want that for my colleagues, many of whom I love dearly. And it's not what I want to model for younger, more junior people who work for me and look up to me.

AIBU to believe there's room in the middle somewhere, where you can love your job and be utterly committed but without pretty much literally dying on your way out?

Or am I doing it all wrong and do I need to take a major step back even though I love the intensity of it all.

Is having it all doable? I.e. a great, successful fun career but not that part where you pretty much do it until you die?

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm honestly a bit shocked at this news. In all fairness, we all assumed he must be terminal when he resigned - but I kind of took that to mean 'a few months to a year left' terminal, not 'literally about to die'.

It makes me sad to think that this may be what happens to successful professionals in the end and I don't want that.

hmm...its a very good idea to reassess your goals and happiness on a regular basis.

If you really love what you do and don't feel its impacting elsewhere then fine!

The problem is the majority who are striving for a 'great career' but aren't enjoying is and have not yet realised that the shiny gold career star they are striving for is worthless in comparison with actually enjoying your life today.

People can end up trapped by dreams they had 10 years ago...or as a child even...but which aren't actually valuable to them anymore and are causing their quality of life in the present to be pants.

I fear I am one of these people. I always ALWAYS wanted to be a physics professor. And now I am within touching distance and I just don't know what the hell I am doing it all for.

I think it might be a bad day for me if I ever actually achieve it, because that will be the moment I know for sure that it wasn't worth it at all and I should have spent more time with my child when she was little....

M3lon, that sound a bit crap, I'm sorry. No advice, I'm afraid, because ... well, see above: I may or may not be an Olympic gold standard misser of the point here. Sorry you feel that way, though.

I've never really gunned for progression, TBH. It's come naturally in my case because what I've always been after was the next big challenge. And I do continue to enjoy that. I'd miss it horribly if I couldn't have it any more.

And, yes, I sacrifice for this job - but it doesn't feel like it because what I gain is worth more to me.

The thought of literally doing it until I'm almost dead, though, kind of scares me. I guess that's why our ex-CEO passing in this manner kind of shocks me so much. I had never considered this as the end game for myself or those around me.

happy I'll be fine..probably!

I think the thing with a career is that you start off and the only way is up. By the time you are 50-60 the chances are you will be winding down into retirement. In between these points there must therefore be a peak. A moment when you are progressing most rapidly....

The problem comes when you begin to realise you have in fact peaked. Its going to happen to everyone...but it isn't obvious to everyone that its a mathematical impossibility to keep accelerating for ever.

From what you have written I wouldn't be worried that you will ever particularly look back with regret...but I would be worried that at some point your taking on of ever greater challenges and ever greater successes will enivitably come to an end. How will you feel about yourself then? Will you fall into the pit of despair that you are no longer improving at the same rate? Will you go full mid life crisis?

Its worth thinking about, particularly if a great deal of your self-esteem is tied up in your work success.

Will you go full mid life crisis?

I should very much hope so, yes.

Much preferable to literally dropping dead three weeks after retiring IMO.

Hi HappyWorkaholic I could have written your post, except my CEO passed away 3 years ago within a month of retiring. He wasn’t ill, it was a complete surprise. I have since read that the first year after retirement is common for strokes/heart attacks.

I felt exactly as you do now, and I spent a few months coming to terms with it. Not in a personal grief way (like you I didn’t really know him) but in a what-does-it-mean-for-me way. I love my work, and yes put personal things on hold for it, but as I enjoy it so much it does feel lik3 a sacrifice. However just because I enjoy it, doesn’t mean I want to do up up until the second I pass away!

After thinking for sometime, I made some changes to my life in two ways. One way to look after myself more, so I would have a good chance at living a long life, and the second was to live life so that if I did die a month after retirement, I had enjoyed it and not left everything to do “when I retired”.

In terms of helpin* my health - I prioritised health/fitness. I make sure I have all my medical checkups (dr, Dentist, optometrist etc) every year and if something is ‘wrong’ I fix it. I took up meditating and yoga for the mental/calming benefits and made a commitment to explore a spiritual side of life.

It terms of living a good life now - I stopped weekend work (except in an emergency) and try and leaving the office by 6pm 3 nights a week. I try and say yes to 50% or more of socialising activities I am offered and I have been booking holidays to users my leave (I have lots untaken). Some holidays are overseas, some staycations, some to visit family.

And I made a commitment to be a better friend/family member now (not some-day-when-I-have-time). I try and call, text, send cards and visit more.

I have also looked at promotions I have been offered properly, and seeing them not just as an opportunity, but what they might cost me in terms of the above too (although I have not turned one down yet! But I like to think this new way of looking at it means I will way up the cost appropriately).

This is what worked for me to come to terms with it. I am definitely not perfect and there are weeks/months when I am busy and default to ‘work’ mode. But I try, and keep trying. I am still very sad for our CEO.

*weigh

FollowYourOwnNorthStar, thanks a million. This sounds so very like how I'm feeling about this. I never expected a response from someone who's experienced something so extremely similar and responded in a comparable way.

You've managed to put my mind at ease a bit there, and I really appreciate that. That self-care and looking after personal needs thing I actually do quite well.

Somewhat ironically, I'm on the executive health plan. That's where the firm pays for senior employees' medical check ups to try and make sure we don't drop dead on the job. This screams for a really dark joke, I suppose, but I generally liked and respected CEO, so I shan't this time.

I guess what I may have to take away from this is to set regular happiness checkpoints for myself. So long as I still love what I do, there wouldn't really be a problem if I died doing it, after all. I just need to make sure I'd noticed if I stopped enjoying it, I guess.