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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect to be invited to friends houses once in a while? (instead of them always coming here)

25 replies

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 22:51

Hi, I have a couple of close friends who very often ask to meet up and then say,'where shall we meet then?' And it is usually my house or meet some coffee shop. To save expense I often say come to mine then. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing them but sometimes I feel abit hurt that they never invite me to their house. My LO's are all at school now and some of them have toddlers, so it is not that my kids are trashing their houses or anything. AIBU to get abit peeved about it sometimes?

OP posts:

edam · 02/07/2007 22:54

YANBU but maybe your house is much nicer than theirs?

(I have a very dear friend whose hospitality I abuse, because there is more room at her house and because she is a chef so I am too intimidated to cook for her. Or even for her children! Did it last week for first time in ages - had kids round and cooked for them, I mean. She's probably had me and ds round ten times to my once.)

RubyRioja · 02/07/2007 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 02/07/2007 22:55

i dont have poeple round to mine.

Ulysees · 02/07/2007 22:59

just say shall we go to one of yours for a change, what's wrong with that?

People tend to come to mine most of the time to be honest but I do go to theirs too.

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:00

Thanks all. I like the idea of saying I need to get out of the house. I could do with it sometimes too to be honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:02

They would probably say though, 'ok lets go out somewhere then' in which case, sometimes i think mine is easier than trapesing out and if I am skint.

OP posts:

fireflyfairy2 · 02/07/2007 23:02

I'd take it as a compliment tbh.

I love my kitchen, it is friendly & cosy. My friends love it too.

My sister loves coming here to visit as I'm not always on high alert incase her kids break anything. Her dh loves coming here as my dh is a good cook

I love people over, an informal coffee round the table is great

Ulysees · 02/07/2007 23:04

Couldn't you just say, I'm skint who's should we go to? Or am I just a bit forward

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:04

fff2, thanks, I never thought of it that way as a compliment. I am pretty relaxed and love other peoples kids, not a good cook though and not always that tidy!

OP posts:

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:06

Ulysees, thanks, that is a good one but you are definately more assertive than me!

OP posts:

Ulysees · 02/07/2007 23:07

I'm more assertive than most and sometimes forget that. You stay as you are as you're obviously well liked And you sound laid back like me, that's probably why I end up with everyone most of the time too.

dazedorconfused · 02/07/2007 23:11

You could start making really bad coffee !!

Ulysees · 02/07/2007 23:12

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:13

Thanks Ulysees, maybe I should just try to see it as a compliment that they want to come and drop a few hints about going to theirs? I do like them coming, just couldn't get why never invited and felt abit hurt, but maybe I was looking at it the wrong way.

OP posts:

Original poster

jellybeans · 02/07/2007 23:14

at the bad coffee !!

OP posts:

GirlySwot · 03/07/2007 14:56

YANBU

I have a friend who always comes to mine. It came about I think because I have kids and she doesn't and she lives in a flat. I'm sure she thought we were better off at my house where there was plenty of stuff to occupy the kids. Fair enough, but sometimes its just nice to be invited elsewhere isn't it? So as not to have to tidy up, shop for extra food, cook and play host. My kids are good and wouldn't trash her flat!

Anyway now the kids are at school she still doesn't invite me round, if we have lunch she comes here or we meet in a cafe, even when we were pushed for time and couldn't organise lunch we met up in cafe for coffee more or less round the corner from her flat - why didn't she invite me round?

Its not that I haven't been inside the flat on odd occasions I have had to go there for particular things - I know there is nothing to hide, I'm sure she has other people round, although she's single and maybe only invites her single friends. To be honest I think its bit weird.

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/07/2007 15:06

Thanks Girlyswot,
Sorry you have this too. I agree a break would be nice sometimes. I spend so much time running round after my own kids, and quite alot after other peoples when they come here, which is nice to see them etc but I would like to take turns too and have a break, there is only me to go to them when mine are at school, they have babies/toddlers. In the school hols also, I have about 10 children here sometimes and it gets chaotic but taking in a cafe is too much also. I don't mind taking a turn or even doing it most the time but I NEVER get invited to theirs. I am trying to see it as a compliment...

OP posts:

Amaris · 03/07/2007 15:14

Do they seem to invite other people round or do you feel it's personal? I have people round here a lot now, but never used to as I grew up with my mum not inviting people around because she was ashamed about the shabbiness of the house, so it wasn't something that I was very good at to begin with cos I had no role model. I do tend to find though that in any relationship there is a bit of an imbalance about where you go - some friends I tend to go to theirs much more than stay here, others I hardly go to at all.

SnowballV · 03/07/2007 15:28

I am ashamed of the state of my house, so people are never invited round.

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/07/2007 15:37

Hi and thanks for all replies. They don't seem to invite others round either (I think) so don't think it is personal.

OP posts:

SnowballV · 03/07/2007 15:41

It really is a cr*ppy feeling to be scared of anyone suddenly wanting to come round. Feel loved

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/07/2007 15:45

My house is usually quite cluttered to be honest and could do with decorating, I am very very disorganised. Sometimes I cringe if someone needs the loo as i dread to think what may be up there if the kids went last! and if i shut the doors of the not yet tidied rooms!!

OP posts:

meandmyflyingmachine · 03/07/2007 15:48

God yes. I invite people round to give me the incentive to tidy up. A casual drop-in - yikes! Let's just say there are a few people who know I live in squalor and they are welcome any time. Everyone else thinks I'm just a bit snooty

SnowballV · 03/07/2007 15:50

But you are obviously comfortable in it, so people are comfortable with you

My friends have very tidy places, and my place is just a hell hole in comparison.

Speaking of which, I have to carry on with the sorting.

Ulysees · 03/07/2007 16:07

My house is pretty untidy. Mate came to mine today and there was 2 days washing up This is very unusual though but I haven't been in, just to cook and then out. It's done now and am going to start mammouth clean up before I go out.

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