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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to speak to the practice manager?

20 replies

R0sesandTulips · 31/01/2019 14:25

I’m not sure if I’m BU because I’m upset and feeling a bit fragile but I had my smear test booked for the morning and it’s something I have a real fear of because of a previous sexual assault. (I’ve had lots of therapy and it really doesn’t impact my everyday life anymore but with anything gynae related it’s still a massive trigger for panic attacks and my anxiety).

My last smear test the practice nurse was really lovely, I’d come ready with a note explaining why I was nervous, she read it and reassured me about it all and asked if there was anything she could do to make it easier and generally the process went really smoothly even when I started to panic. She was totally calm and talked me through it and the whole thing from me getting in the room to it being done was over in ten minutes.

So I wasn’t too fearful of attending for this one but when I booked in I noticed it was a with a different nurse but I assumed (wrongly) that it would be fine.

This time the nurse didn’t even get up from the desk when I knocked, just waved me in from where she was sitting and said “get undressed and pop up on the table”. There wasn’t even a screen to get undressed behind and I know they’re going to be seeing it anyway but it made me very uncomfortable that she was going to just stay there while I undressed in this massive room.

Before I did that though I went over and passed her the note and she sort of eye rolled at me but took it and waved me away so I decided to just suck it up and got ready and up on the couch and at this point my anxiety had really ramped up and I felt really sick.

She then came over (no mention of the note or anything) and asked me to sit with my hands under my bum (I can’t do this I need to have my hands free) and I explained why I couldn’t do that and she huffed and said “I’m just trying to make this as quick as possible for you” (which I do appreciate but the previous nurse had no problem with finding a position I was comfortable in).

When she pulled the tray over I really did feel like I was going to be sick so I just said “sorry, I can’t do this.” And jumped off the bed, put my clothes back on quickly.

The nurse looked so angry at me, and sighed and shook her head in an exasperated way and I just needed to get out then. I threw up in the toilets and just sat in my car and cried.

I know how important smear tests are and I’m so angry at myself that I could t go through with it but I just didn’t tryst her enough, she didn’t put me at ease at all and it was a really distressing experience. (I also know how stretched the NHS are and I’m feeling incredibly guilty over this being a wasted appointment.)

When I’m feeling better I’ll speak to and see if the other nurse is still there and try to book with her. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to the practice manager. Obviously I don’t want to get her in trouble, what if she was having an off day etc, but whole thing just caused me so much distress and I can’t stop crying. This kind of thing is such a huge hurdle for me and I’m devastated because I feel that the progress I made last time has just been completely trampled on.

OP posts:
Sidge · 31/01/2019 14:28

YANBU. That is really poor.

I’m a practice nurse and always ask my women to take a seat for minute, as I need to check their details (essential!) and run through what I need to do, how the results come etc. This is also an opportunity to discuss any worries and issues with previous smears.

I never ask a woman to jump straight up, that is awful and so dismissive of you and your needs. As well as negligent in terms of obtaining informed consent...

Definitely contact the PM. That nurse needs a refresher in her consultation skills IMO.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 31/01/2019 14:29

I would put all of this in writing, ask if you can hand it directly to the practice manager and then ask her to get in touch with a response of what action will be taken to prevent this kind of attitude towards sexual assault survivors. She shouldn't have treated you that way, and certainly shouldn't have shown anger or frustration toward you.

RangeRider · 31/01/2019 14:29

Mention it. I had a crappyish nurse the first time I went. Haven't been back.

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/01/2019 14:31

Please speak to the PM, as someone else said your treatment raises issues of informed consent. This sort of attitude by the nurse is one of the reason why women don't attend for cervical screening tests. Take care of yourself.

R0sesandTulips · 31/01/2019 14:37

sidge this is what the last nurse did and it was all so simple. To be fair this time she did ask my name as I came in so she knew who I was but apart from that there was very little communication. You sound like a lovely nurse and your patients are very lucky Smile

OP posts:
toddlepod · 31/01/2019 14:39

Yes - report her. It's so important to make women feel safe and comfortable (well, as comfortable as you ever can be having a smear) to ensure they keep coming.

I had one nurse who muttered nastily that I wasn't supposed to have had sex before coming for a smear. I was so embarrassed - I was youngish - AND I hadn't had sex for some time. Bitch woman.

I skipped going for a few years because of her until I found a womens' clinic. We don't need deterrents!

R0sesandTulips · 31/01/2019 14:39

Wasn’t sure if to just speak to PM or actually put it in writing (didn’t want to over react) but I think I will just write it down and give it to her and that way she’ll have all the information.

I had a pedicure booked this afternoon as a well done treat but I’ve had to cancel that now as I just can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching me Sad but I’m going to run myself a bath then wrap myself up in a duvet and cuddle my dog. Try again another day.

OP posts:
R0sesandTulips · 31/01/2019 14:42

And sorry for double posting but thank you for the quick replies, they’ve helped calm me down. FlowersI get so worked up about things and just worry I’m the one making things hard. I don’t want anyone else to have an experience like mine.

OP posts:
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 31/01/2019 14:42

I would speak to or write to the PM. That would have been a poor experience for someone who didn't have any extra concerns about the smear tests, let alone after you showed her your note.

I've had two bad smear experiences and for some reason I didn't say anything, I wish I had.

bangingthumpingspliting · 31/01/2019 14:42

The NHS are stretched but that is no excuse for bad manners, which in the very least this was!

What you went through is awful and you are so, so brave for facing your fears!!! I have friends who don’t have the history you do but still won’t attend smears 🤔

You need to complain. This could happen to another girl if you don’t. That nurse should be ashamed of herself and no one - ABSOLUTELY NO ONE - has the right to make you feel scared!

Flowers
R0sesandTulips · 31/01/2019 19:34

bangingthumpingspliting

Thank you for your kind words. I’m feeling better after this morning but have written it all down, will try and go first thing before work before I get to anxious to say anything.

OP posts:
KipperTheFrog · 31/01/2019 19:38

That's awful! Definitely complain. Please do see if the first nurse is still there (or another nurse) and try again when you're ready.

WombatStewForTea · 31/01/2019 20:00

Oh OP.
Please please please complain to the practice manager. You've been treated appallingly

Russell19 · 31/01/2019 20:26

Ohhhh I really feel for you, that is awful. Report her to the manager an ask for further communication.

Please please have some time to relax and calm, dogs are great healers!

Don't let it put you off in future when you are ready, some people just aren't nice, but others are lovely xx

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/01/2019 20:47

Please complain that is an absolute disgrace.
Smear tests are daunting enough without all that shit.

MrsBosh · 31/01/2019 20:53

You were so brave for going. Hope you are having a cosy night. Do please feed back to the PM.

aethelgifu · 31/01/2019 20:58

I have no issue with smear tests and even I'd complain about that! Please complain!

novasglowx · 31/01/2019 21:36

YANBU. Asking to sit with your hands under your bum is a very understandable deal breaker. I think you're very brave to have tried to get it done, it's certainly more than I can manage. Her attitude was disgusting.

SynchroSwimmer · 31/01/2019 22:55

Roses
You have articulated everything so very well in your post.

Could you print out exactly what you have written in your well considered opening paragraph here and make an appointment to see the practice manager and let her read it and then talk with you?

The practice will learn, and you will be helped.

(From a former practice manager)

GoGoGadgetGin · 31/01/2019 23:02

Sounds awful OP I am in similar position and even reading your post l feel sick and sweaty- l have been doing some 'research' and other people in our position have posted about being allowed to insert the spectrum themselves? I'm hoping this is possible or there is some other way the cell samples can be taken- it terrifies me.

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