To think that relationships based on drama can last

[bornslippy5]

If a woman’s life has been full of drama and negative experiences and she continues to experience family: friendship toxicity and various other unusual things that happens in her life , can she enjoy and maintain a drama free relationship with a man or will he get fed up of all the hassle it brings . I ask for you experiences as my boyfriend seems fascinated at my life experiences but sometimes I wonder does he get a bit sick of not having any day where there is no harmony or easiness in my life . I find that the more past experiences I share, the more intrigued he is. It’s almost like he loves hearing the oddity of it all but as a man, he is very sensitive vile, relaxed and grounded . Like I almost entertain him... so I find myself telling him
More crazy stories , which he loves... but I wonder will he get sick of me when we settle into the normal phase. We are very new . There will always be drama as I have removed myself from the majority of my family and have a huge backstory of inappropriate relationships and friendships with people . He loves hearing the drama but is the complete opposite , as a person and I’m afraid, he’ll get bored with me if he thinks I’m less exciting as I am just a girl who craves the normality of settling down and having kids . As it is, he is a lot less interested in spending his free time with me than I am with him and when we do, he organised it around his interests . Just wondering...

anyone?

Easy way to find out "It's all in the past. I don't want to talk about it"

Is it true? Have you got rid of all the drama from your life? Or does some remain?

It is all true. It varied from a dysfunctional family upbringing, alcoholism at home to one horrible relationship to another eg emotionally abusive , being ghosted, sexual deviance , too much drinking and me enabling it against my wishes. Miscarriage, friendship fall out etc.I long for normality but it really has been One thing after another. Im afraid that he will find me too boring when we settle into the relationship proper but I find that because he is so interested in all my stories and experiences, that I continue to regale him with stories.He gets bored very easily.

Still remains in certain areas...family relationships, friend issues etc

I think it’s a bit weird that he revels in it to be honest.
How long have you been together ?

8 months. He says all the ' right things' eg poor old you etc but I know by him that he is amazed by it all and the crazier the story the more he wants to know! Is that weird? Maybe theres a word for people like that! I am afraid that i have created a monster so to speak.

Is he helpful?

I certainly found it helpful when my boyfriend (now husband) cut through the crap when I was still a bit in the FOG.

He helped with statements like
"Just don't do it."
"So what if they talk shit about you?"
"Come to my parent's for Christmas instead"
"I'll read that letter from your mother for you. . She is going on holiday in February. Everything else is her usual crap you don't need to bother with."
"You are going to say no aren't you?"

Was the drama quite recent when you got together with him? I wonder if he thinks he's 'rescuing' you in some way, and will get bored when he realises he doesn't have to do that anymore?

No He isnt really helpful. He is plenty good at the ' oohs and aahs...poor you..' but the reality is that he is not supportive in the sense that he is selfish and puts his needs before mine or ours. For example, I live in a house share with another, he knows I have no plans for a weekend, yet he will drop in or arrange a meet up when it suits him. He can be sat at home on a friday or saturday night with his folks, knowing that Im home alone..so no, he is not actively supportive but says all the right things. The drama is historic and some of it is ongoing.My family will always be a part of me but I only have contact with some of them.He likes to think that he is a rescuer I think, but his actions do not match his words. I wonder will he get bored with me although he tells me he loves me ?

Maybe that is because we are only in a relationship for such a short amount of time ?

Well you are basically insecure that the only reason your fella likes you is because you entertain him with tales of your life. Then you wonder if there was no drama would he like you for you?

Difficult one to answer.

I think you'll find that the spiel of interesting things that has happened to you in your life has made you quite a interesting person in general. Its okay that he likes this aspect of you and it won't just suddenly disappear. Your experiences, in my opinion, are actually part of you.

Personally i would be surprised if someone was in a relationship simply because they're entertaining! I might find a bloke at the office a hoot but doesn't mean i want to be in a relationship with them! I think your lacking confidence and there are obviously other aspects of you, your boyfriend enjoys.

As to answering how much your guy is actually into you in general, i'm not mystic meg so have no idea! Hope this is vaguely helpful!

Oh dear he sees himself as a rescuer. Poor little useless broken sparrow that is born .

Mind you, a rescuer who doesn't even rescue is just a person who enjoys feeling superior as he watches the reality show that is your life.

How about you actively move the dynamic? You are a strong independent woman who has survived a lot, who can rescue herself and is the equal of any man she is dating.

Stop telling him the stories. Deal with the remaining shitty family/friend situations. Maybe ask his advice. Briefly. Not for his entertainment. Ensure it is advice not instructions from him.

I'm not sure about the rest of it, but re read the last line of your original post again. If he really liked you he would want to spend his free time with you, not leave you sat on your own (not all the time obviously but most people in new relationships want to see each other all the time!) you deserve better!