MIL is a scrutinising critic!

[VWpurse]

This is hard to explain but my MIL examines and watches people, I mean really stares at them at then comments. It’s got to the stage where it is uncomfortable to be around her.

For instance, she was walking behind DH and I the other day and then, when we stopped for coffee, gave a detailed account of how I walk slightly quicker than DH so he has to keep up and when I pointed something out in a shop window he didn’t look, he was on his phone and I took my hat off and put it back on...

And then she analyses. We’re “not in step in life” 🙄, we don’t have mutual interests and I am concerned about my appearance.

Actually.. I have longer legs, DH was looking up where we were going and my hat was coming off. So what?!

She does it about strangers too, always watching watching and picking picking picking at them. She’s always been an unkind gossip, has no friends because of that, but it’s really got bad now and I’m sick of it.

Is this a thing? I’m going to have to tell her to STFU but I don’t want to be u and if it’s some kind of disorder I’ll do it more kindly!

"Do you mean to sound so rude MiL? If not can you stop with the constant rude remarks?"

Does she not have anything better to do ? She needs a hobby that doesn’t involve watching people’s every move, unless she fancies a career change as a private detective ?

Contraceptionismyfriend Thanks yes, that’s the thing. I have no idea if she’s doing it to be rude on purpose or she’s just a clueless stupid person. I suppose if I say that I’ll find out!

I also want to say “What the hell has that got to do with you?” when she starts!

It sounds like being with a modern day Sherlock Holmes who has read too many psychology tips in magazines.

I have no advice I'm afraid.

Escapenextyear No hobbies, no friends. She doesn’t socialise with anyone except FIL and her adult children’s families and one brother if she’s speaking to him that day 🙄.

“You are soooo right MIL - dh and I are not in tune with me at all - except the way that really counts!” (Big wink.)

Mumoftwoyoungkids Ha! Maybe I ought to make up some “facts” of my own!

Why isn't your husband telling her to cut the crap?

hahaha i love "do you mean to sound so rude?" so pass agg but gets the point across
ugh definitely using

My mil is just like this! It’s awful because any little thing, she will comment. But sometimes she keeps it to herself then messages a few days later and you’re left thinking ffs have you been overthinking my xyz for days?! Like I got a text a few days after a family party complaining about my top - she bloody bought me that top herself! But apparently it should have been worn with a skirt rather than trousers
Or she sees a picture of one of my kids and has to text “why has he got odd socks on” he hadn’t - it was just a shadow on one side. She’s also complained that my sock colour didn’t properly match my outfit. Such little things and so picky - has to comment on everything then wonders why we’re not as keen to spend so much time there

Well since we’re in the mood for pointing out home truths, DMIL, you are a negative, scrutinizing harpy and this is why you have no friends.

I know somebody like this, and I usually say something like "Oh, they speak very highly of you" and you can see the cloggs turning and their puzzled look.
Well worth it.
or, did you mean to be rude? is always a good one.

My MIL is like that a little (not to that extent). She observes everything and comments on the most trivial things that would never have entered my mind. I feel I can hide nothing from her because she observes everything like a hawk. She's not unkind though and does know when to keep her mouth shut. I don't know what you can do. Can your husband have a word with her?

rudeness is a sign of dementia. true fact. keep an eye out.

Contraceptionismyfriend He would if I asked but he doesn’t listen to anything she says, just switches off. As he says “she’s a gossip, she says nothing of interest”. Not asking him to say something when it’s me who gets irritated, why would I?

Perceived rudeness is also something that comes with age as you increasing give zero fucks about what people think about you. OP, if you can bring yourself to ignore it with an internal laugh, that's probably the way to go. "Do you mean to be so rude?" would be met with "Yes, I do" from me!

Rudeness is a sign of dementia

I think the OP would have noticed if it was a change in behaviour. I'm sure her DH would have said, it's so strange, she used to be so lovely.

firawla Yes yes, we get the days later messages too! And she blows pictures up on the computer and examines every inch! She and SIL (her silent partner) once critiqued what was on my coffee table (magazines, sweets.. not a bong and porn!) which was incidentally in a picture of my DC .

What would she do if you said something like "MIL you've missed your life calling- you should have been a private detective/investigative journalist "?
Would she reflect on this or do you need to be much blunter?

123sprmp Blunter! She’d analyse my comment and find every meaning except the true one 😁

My mother was terribly rude, too. The number of times she nearly got herself in enormous trouble (quite rightly so....). Absolutely mortifying to hang out with the woman, and she was anorexic, and obsessed with pointing out overweight people. I remember taking her out to lunch and her shrieking at the top of her voice (she had a voice like a chainsaw at the best of times) “@Justilou....! Can you see the size of that lesbian’s arse?!?!” When I was literally right beside the very large woman she was pointing out. I ignored her, so she got louder. I only had one option, which was to apologize profusely, assuring them that I honestly wanted to die, and let them know that I was planning on having both her hearing and her mental health assessed as soon as possible. Fortunately they thought it was the funniest lunchtime experience they’d had in a while and were very gracious about it all.

I don't know about this being a sign of dementia but it does definitely sound like the sign of a sadly empty life if she needs to fill it with dross and pettiness.....try and get her to join the WI or some nice local social groups. It's bad for the soul to spend your life griping in that way.

I'd just be very tempted to give her something to critique - next time she's walking behind you swing your hips wildly from side to side, give a little jump every couple of steps, bob up and down, run your hands up and down your DH's bum, fling your hand up in the air with the middle finger raised.

Or do the same to her 'MIL, I've noticed you always stir your coffee anti clockwise - are you quite well ??

I would respond with -

Fascinating

Every time, then change the subject.

“rudeness is a sign of dementia. true fact. keep an eye out.”
It’s also a sign of rudeness!

“Bloody hell, Mary, you really should have been a detective!”