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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have a Wendy

24 replies

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 01:48

I have been friends with friend A let’s call her Wendy and friend B let’s call her Sarah for many years.

Sarah has never been a fan of Wendy and rolled her eyes whenever I have spoken about her.Their paths crossed through me and they never were friends directly. Wendy is very manipulative and possessive of me and has always been jealous of my friendship with Sarah.

Wendy did something that really upset me recently (shady, to do with my ex husband) and rather than a confrontation I confided in Sarah, who advised to keep her at arms length.

During this time Wendy and Sarah saw each other at a mutual friend’s wedding that I didn’t go to.They spent the whole wedding together and really hit it off, even stayed in the same room that night as Wendy had an argument with her husband.

Now they are joined at the hip and are having outings together all the time. If Sarah and I have plans, Wendy turns up as Sarah has invited her without telling me. Wendy calls me all the time and says ‘I don’t know if you know xyz about Sarah’ etc or ‘how amazing is Sarah’. She was even invited to Sarah’s grandmothers birthday 90 miles away which I just think was odd.

I am really fucked off. Aibu? How do I ignore this behaviour?

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 31/01/2019 01:57

Life moves on OP. Calling people "Wendies" and all that...it's just childish.

People change...grow...develop and friendships alter. Accept it for what it is and either fit in with the new way of being or move on.

WatchingFromTheSidelines · 31/01/2019 01:59

I'd wait it out. This joined at the hip friendship does not sound sustainable.
In the meantime I'd make some new friends and leave these two to it.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 31/01/2019 02:04

Friends are only friends if they treat you well.

They aren't your friends their aren't treating you like a friend.

It'll hurt but you'll be better off once you realise that and move on.

itswinetime · 31/01/2019 02:10

I don't think you do have a Wendy though as they both seem to still be including you. You have 2 people who weren't friends but now are who both seem to want to be friends with you still unless I have misunderstood something?

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:13

Thanks for the advice my feelings are hurt and I’ll take that all onboard. And @fortunesfave ha sorry I’m new to Mumsnet I didn’t mean to come across as childish.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 31/01/2019 02:16

Why are your feelings hurt though? They're not leaving you out.

Italiangreyhound · 31/01/2019 02:27

Your not coming across as childish, this sounds very annoying. But I would make some new friends and leave them to it.

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:28

No they are, lots of secret trips out here and there that I found out about afterwards. The trip to the grandmothers (family) birthday party was weird as ‘friend a’ drove 90 miles on her own there and has never met her before in her life. When I have plans they invite the other one as they can’t seem to be apart. this is all in the space of 2 months.

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Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:33

Thankyou@italiangreyhound Thanks for your advice everybody.

OP posts:

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 31/01/2019 02:34

So you liked it when your two friends didn’t get along, now you dislike it when they do? Sounds childish and jealous

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:43

Maybe that's how I am coming across but there is a lot more to it which I briefly mentioned and not gone into and feel betrayed firstly by the friend who did it and secondly by the friend who knew about it and chose to spend all her time with the betrayee. I should have just confronted her at the time and then I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm not jealous just pissed off about lack of loyalty.

OP posts:

Blendingrock · 31/01/2019 02:43

So you liked it when your two friends didn’t get along, now you dislike it when they do? Sounds childish and jealous

I think that's a little harsh. OP didn't say she liked it when they got along, she said they didn't like one another. Now they seem to have gone to the complete polar opposite, and are leaving her out of things. I'd be hurt too.

OP you are not coming across as childish. As others have said, I'd gradually distance myself and leave them to it. Friends who exclude and hurt you are not friends.

Italiangreyhound · 31/01/2019 02:50

"So you liked it when your two friends didn’t get along, now you dislike it when they do? Sounds childish and jealous..."

It's not at all childish, sounds like you are better off without them though.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 31/01/2019 02:50

Wendy and Sarah appear to be having fun and a good relationship, maybe one of them had something with your ex. He’s your ex now so you’re over him. Maybe they just want to have a laugh without the drama. Either make up or move on, they seem happy now. Sorry if this seems harsh but you can’t force friends to always side with you

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:51

Thankyou@Blendingrock

OP posts:

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 02:58

@Justagirlwholovesaboy yes true, although I haven't caused any drama I've just quietly seethed. I need to get my head out of the past and move on.

OP posts:

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 31/01/2019 03:03

I do agree that you need to move on, but you have a chance to make it up with them if you want to try to as well, good friends are hard to come by

itswinetime · 31/01/2019 03:19

The problem with quietly seething is that people who really know you tend to notice no matter how good an act you think you are putting on.

You need to decide if you want to keep these friendships or not. If you do then you need to sit down and talk honestly with both of them. Not about their relationship as such but about your feelings and with Wendy about whatever she did that upset you to start with.

If you are done then cut them out that way they have no power to make you angry anymore let them get on with their life's. You will feel better for it too.

GreenDragon75 · 31/01/2019 03:27

Wow. Some very helpful replies and some downright nasty ones. Making new friends and leaving old ones behind is not that easy as we get older. I can fully understand why you are upset.
I think speaking to them both and just saying how hurtful it is to be left out is s good idea. Maybe neither of them realise. Good luck.

Stardustinmyeyes · 31/01/2019 03:41

I don't think you're being childish at all, it's never nice when you've confided in someone and they seem to dismiss your feelings.
I'd say Sarah has not really been a friend to you, as pp have said try and talk to Sarah and clear the air, if not I'd try and find other friends and let them get on eith it.

Monty27 · 31/01/2019 03:47

I wouldn't be bothering with either of them. You'd need to be hard up for friends. Ignore them at worst, don't be so invested in their new friendship at best and if you are fond of them let them get on with it and join in whenever. I think it is childish tbh.

kateandme · 31/01/2019 04:10

its never nice to be left out op.no matter what age you are.
try not to let it get to you.you have to make yourself happy now.if they treat you bad then they aren't your proper friends. but again this is never nice to experience.
do you have others you can go have friendships with.for now id just do this.becasue otherwise youll just spiral into being more and more left out and those feelings can be horrid to sit with.
or just carry on being with them both when you can and if they are your mates it will all work out.

SweatyUnderboob · 31/01/2019 04:16

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

As others have said, distance yourself and find new friends. Be breezy and unbothered if they try and pull you into any drama.

Original poster

Britneyspearsatemytoast · 31/01/2019 13:50

Thanks for the advice everybody I do appreciate it even the harsh comments! It's usually these two I turn to when things go wrong. And yes I do have other mates. Anyway I'll leave them to it.

OP posts:

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