To think he has no right to my pension?

[lottieanne3]

DH has always insisted we pay half for everything. I've said fine, whilst I earned less, I could still afford to. I have paid in to a pension, he hasn't. I made sure I had a job with a good pension and nagged him about his (setting up a private one) for years. He avoids it and still has no pension.

AIBU to think that if he insists on having separate funds and paying half of everything whilst we are still earning, that he has no right to expect me to pay more for monthly bills when he is suddenly not earning and has a very small pension (whilst mine is pretty good!).

i suspect if you two divorced at any point, whether you counselled him to save or not, he will be entitled to half your pension.
i would check with a lawyer jik.

He will simply spend all of his state pension on his half of the outgoings and rue the day he insisted the OP did the same.

And their relationship and retirement will be miserable, because he won't be able to afford to go on holiday, or spend on something for leisure pursuits, or afford a meal out - ever.

So it's not really a great idea to play tit for tat in a couple of decades, imo.

I cannot IMAGINE my DH acting this way. It's awful.

How old are you both, do you have a joint mortgage? Do you have children and are you thinking of separating?
Sorry if I missed these points.

Have you discussed the future and life in retirement? It seems a natural discussion to have and asking how he intends to support himself financially when he stops working if what is right for you both is to have totally separate finances and pay everything 50/50.

I do agree though that as it is, if divorced he would get half of your pension anyway so I would be very interested in his response to that question.

Realistically, how will this work? It’s all very well to say he’s not entitled to your pension but what will happen when he can’t afford his share of your lifestyle/ bills etc?

I’d get out now, he will fleece you.

Fleece??
How can you make that assumption when there's so little info?
Interesting

But if you are married he does, legally have a right to your pension. If you divorce, it is a marital asset and will be taken into account in any division of assets and he may have a claim to a proportion of it. As long as you are aware of that.

Tell him your thoughts on the pension - might jig him into setting up his own.

Are your financial affairs the only thorn in your relationship or is it one of many things?

It seems a natural discussion to have and asking how he intends to support himself financially when he stops working if what is right for you both is to have totally separate finances and pay everything 50/50.

Of course he might decide the house should be sold and use his equity to fund his retirement, that'd be an interesting development.

Some of you live weird lives - this is no way to live, all this his/hers/mine bollox. It isn't a relationship at all. Its an hideous business arrangement.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking although I agree that in a real marriage money is "ours" with a few reservations, this man is doing something more along the lines of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is ours" and that doesn't wash.

That's why I assume there are more problems in the relationship.

I just don’t understand this attitude. We have completely shared finances probably to my detriment as I earn more. But I wouldn’t want to do out for dinner on my own as DP couldn’t afford it!

I'm guessing that when he finds himself with no or little pension, he'll of course be expecting OP to share, because marriage.

I'm another who just doesn't understand how people who share lives, homes, children, who have entered into a legal contract one of whose primary components is mutual support, can obsessively split bills like glorified housemates. It does seem to be usually the men who insist on this.

I would make sure your pay rise goes into a savings account in your name only and if possible he doesn’t know about it

Will you aim to retire at the same time?
He needs a pension for god's sake.
dont his work place have a pension?

DH has semi retired and talks about "his pension", I am sure he feels protective of it, however it just goes in the "pot"

Depending on his age, setting up a pension now may be pointless unless he can chuck thousands at it in a short time.

JOAN, funnily enough I was thinking the same thing...

I would worry about him divorcing you & claiming a % of your pension

Isn't this precisely what women do, claim 50% of the man's pension even if she has not made a financial contribution? Some posters would seem to be suggesting that the rules are different when the woman has the pension.
My old Physics teacher once told us that his wife's opinion was What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own!

@tillytrotter1 it's not the same though is it?!

What you're referring to is the most common scenario of a woman not going back to work after having babies to raise the children (saving childcare costs usually) whilst the husband progresses rapidly through his career. The Woman is therefore supporting that and if it was a joint decision for her not to work and have a career then that's only fair the pension should be split upon the couple divorcing.

Very different indeed if you've always had separate finances and both contributed equal share finally over the years and had equal opportunity to build a pension