Dp and his temper

[supermariossister]

Ordinarily lovely dp works hard for us and 9/10 we can talk things out but tonight has really unsettled me, ds was in a scuffle on way home from school. He's year 7 and came home shook up, we are sat talking and I ask if any of his friends were there and why they didn't try to help,he said he told his friend not too. Dp then goes well shit mate then ain't he, ds says no I told him not to get involved, dp again goes shit mate then, ds again says no hes not, again shit mate then so ds shouted at him , shut up no he isn't. Now I know he shouldn't of shouted at dp but he was already upset and he was repeating the same thing. Dp then absolutely roared at him inches from his face that he doesn't speak to him like that. Ds went upstairs sobbing and we had an almighty row which honestly rarely happens, in the time I've known him it's happened twice. I'm now sat at my dad's with ds and my heads reeling. He's having a tough time at the minute with work but I'm so angry. Ds is pretty shook up and really needed his support.

What an awful day for your ds.
Your partner was probably very upset too. It's come out as anger. We're not all perfect, sadly.

So your partner continued antagonising your DS until he snapped and then terrified him?

That’s not ok.

I feel for your son. My D is in Y7 and had had some issues about being picked on. There's no way any of us would speak to her like your partner spoke to your S. Bad day or not, what a disgusting way to treat your S.

God your poor son. He's what, 11?

I'm glad you're at your dad's. Can you stay there a while, so you can think? You need to talk to your son without making him feel guilty - he needs to be able to open up.

I'm baffled, and furious like you say it is not okay. I see where dp is coming from that he assumed the friend would intervene or help in some way but it didn't help the situation at all slagging his friend off then roaring at him. I'm still at my dad's with ds, I'm so angry with him. Going to be ringing school tomorrow as ds has marking all round his neck but the child in question spends alot of time in isolation for fighting so not sure what it will achieve.

Yes autumncrow he's 11, started high school in September.

If it's not too traumatising for your son, take some pictures of the injuries. The other boy is also 11-12, over the age of responsibility. It happened outside school.

If the school won't help, you can report it as an assault to the police - but you'll need to be sure of your son's best interests long-term.

It's incredibly stressful - I've been there. I moved my son to a different school in the end, as the original Headteacher was failing both my son and, tbh, the other boy who had some very significant issues.

They were only 8-9.

AutumnCrow...she said a scuffle. She didn’t say who, if anyone, was at fault, and she didn’t say there were injuries. She’s posting here about the way her OH behaved.

She didn’t say who, if anyone, was at fault, and she didn’t say there were injuries.

She says her DS has marks all around his neck?

Your DP was a shit and owes your DS an apology. However, if it’s really out of character and he’s under pressure at work, then maybe one to have a talk about and then move on from.

Your poor DS, what a crappy day.

Sexnotgender yes you’re right, my mistake. The update hadn’t shown on my device when I posted.

Yes I have taken a picture of the marks on his neck, he's getting upset at the prospect of his friend being asked to give witness statement at school as his friend is too scared of the boy in question. I will call them in morning. As for dp yes he is under a fair amount of pressure at work, I will speak to him when I go home now that I am slightly calmer and see how that goes.
That's how I feel it is with this child it's shrugged off because it's so regular and he goes off to inclusion and then back next day doing similar if what ds and friends relay is true obviously.

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. I hope your DP gets on board with some empathy, practical help and emotional intelligence. He needs to be part of the solution, not the problem - or what's the point of him?

I hope the school does a proper fact-finding investigation. Not easy for your son, though. Is anyone else likely to speak up? It really does need nipping in the bud in Year 7.