To think some classes just have weird dynamics?

[Worthygirl]

My DD has been in the same class since reception & is now in year 2 and it’s been a constant nightmare with friend dynamics etc and I know I am not the only parent with issues. We have been into school as DD was getting bullied by another girl & it feels like it’s constant. DD is sensitive & regularly asks to change school. Aibu to think you get some years that are difficult? My DS has never had any problems at all. I know that girls friendships can be more tricky too

Yes, some classes are just difficult. That doesn’t mean your daughter shouldn’t feel safe and happy at school.

Have you spoken to her teacher about how she’s feeling?

Yes! My daughter is in P4 and her entire time at school has been like this. Friends on a constant merry go round, X says I'm not allowed to play with Y, we're best friends, we've broken up.

I've also had to go into school as it got out of hand and spilled into bullying. It's sad really, I hoped DD would find her group of friends at school like I did, but she's halfway through primary and I can't see it settling down now.

Instead she's gone to drama groups etc in a different town, and is making friends there. Really good for her confidence to show her that she isn't the problem.

@purple yes I have been in- the school haven’t been great though to be honest

@creaky- I am encouraging groups out of school too- I don’t know if to change school or not either

I think there are some year groups that gel and some that don’t. Classes too.

Some classes are weird and at secondary we sometimes find a year group is a weird cohort or disproportionately harder work than other years.

Some year groups and classes seem to have an endless stream of friendship dramas, not bullying just friendships changing as the wind does as endless tears followed by being besties followed by different tears. It's all very intense and no sooner have you started a bullying investigation they're mates again and someone else is annoyed or upset

That said, the school should be putting things in place and dealing with bullying.

My DD is also sensitive & quiet and feels left out a lot- she feels forgotten in school as the more confident popular girls get the play dates. It’s really not great and really hard

I've thought about changing schools too, but DD is adamant that she wants to stay and deal with it. I keep a close eye on what's going on and try to get her to share what's happening so I can constantly gauge things though.

Our infant school is bigger (4 classes per year group) and changes the classes every year. It’s a real benefit in situations like this. Sticking with the same kids every year in a small class definitely has it’s downsides.

@paddington I wish that my DD was in a bigger school- I think she would benefit from it

Not as parent but having worked in primary schools and having gone to a 4-18 school so having observed the same people for 12-14 years ... yeah, it's a definite thing!

Would anyone advise moving schools?

Yes. Seriously consider it.my dd changed at the end of year 4. The change in her is remarkable. My friend also moved her dd from a small village school to a large primary in town. It gave her dd a wider pool of friends and made secondary transition easier.

Yes. There were a minority of horrible kids in dd1's primary class and it spoiled dd's years at primary. She then moved to her comp and has a much nicer class. She overheard one teacher say to another that there were a lot of nice girls in the class.
Dd2's class at primary were fine. Her new class at secondary are ok too, although they sound naughtier than dd1's class.

Some girls' groups can be like that, forever falling in and out, ostracising one girl, then another. An odd number of girls can be difficult as it's easy for one to be left out or become the third wheel.

As they get older, the girls can get drawn into behaviour you don't want in order to keep in with the group. With social media, it doesn’t get left at school either.

If she's truly unhappy, then change school. She's only little and school is a big proportion of her life to spend feeling unhappy.

I'd move her. I've seen people who were unhappy at my school thrive elsewhere and vice versa.

Good luck!

I work in a class (not a teacher though) that is recognized in our school as being very very difficult.

The teachers who have had this class already have many years of experience and none have ever seen anything like it. Everything about the class is just "off"

If it were my child, and as a parent, I would give very serious consideration to a move, particularly if you are not happy with the way school handles issues.

Yes, I work in primary and there most definitely are certain classes/year groups like this. It's not just a girl thing either. Boys friendship issues can be just as intense and upsetting.

I would seriously consider moving her. Children generally don't want to move away from friends so if they say they do want to, I think you need to listen and investigate the alternatives.

I’m sort of glad that I’m not the only one with an ‘off’ class. The children, their dynamics, the parents - are all very subtly unpleasant. My child DS says he likes school, but I think it’s because he knows no different. I can see the joy that my other children get from their friendships and nobody in the off class seems to have anything resembling a connection. There seem to be ever evolving groups or varying degrees of meanness and it hasn’t improved despite me trying to make efforts with the parents. I almost can’t bear to continue the rest of primary with them all, and for my son to constantly be on the edge of groups of mean kids.

@thewaronpeace that is what its like for my DD. Its constant upset and not positive at all. I feel sad that my DD isn’t getting much joy from her friendships either - maybe it is time to move!

Just because your child isn't doing well socially, doesn't mean the dynamics are weird OP.

One of mine struggled badly at first...she did much better when she went to high school and there was a better choice of new friends. She'd also grown in confidence by then.

Amallamard is right that it's not "a girl thing" I've got a girl and boys and it's the younger boy who's in a class like this. The problem is partly that ds2 is far too eager to be liked though. I don't know why, I worry about it every day, my older two have thicker skins! DS2 wants "the cool boys" to like him no matter how much we try to tell him that if they're being silly he needs to ignore them and play with others. His big brother tells him they're idiots but although ds2 agrees it doesn't help.

I actually think in ds2's class it boils down to one very dominant personality among the boys - he's an eloquent, intelligent kid but totally disrespectful to support staff and has that bantom cockerel walk. His father comes across as a bully hiding behind a nice suit too, makes lots of snide comments about other children and mothers quietly to his wife and son, also tells the 8 year old son to man up, sneers at him if he doesn't win - unfortunately that kid has other boys running round him, and it's intensified by the class being big but girl heavy - so the teacher has 30 kids to monitor, but there are only 9 boys...

The mix is often a problem but there's one kid at the center of the ripples IMO.

Yes, the minority of mean kids in my dd1's class were boys and girls. Despite there not being many of them they had a big effect on the class.

I tell you what did help my DD.

She was having real trouble with one girl in particular, but I happened to know her Mum. We worked out that actually, both kids were acting up because they felt lost, so we paired them up and now they're great friends.

We sat down with them and said 'if you both feel lonely, there's an obvious way to fix that...' and they got it. I think trying to help them think through people's actions with empathy can help out a spin on things. After all, there may be 'mean' kids but they're also, what, 5/6?? Still babies really.

My eldest is at secondary and I'm afraid some mean kids never grow out of it. Thankfully my dd escaped them as they were put in different classes. I feel for kids on the receiving end now though