To be frightened of baby and toddlers

[nervousmums]

So I'm on maternity and my toddler is getting a bit stir crazy. Been thinking of going to a toddler and baby group but I am actually very nervous. I have no idea what happens at these groups. Not a bloody clue!

So -

What happens?
What am I supposed to do?
Do people go with friends and will I stand out as a loner?
If my DC doesn't want to play (they're a bit shy too) will we look like a weirdo family sitting not doing the right thing?!

Help! 🙈

The fact that you wrote this makes me think you will hate it.

It all depends on the group. Try a small class, you can get free ones through Hoop, they're more organised so you won't worry about sitting alone. Then chat to the other mums and see if it's a good fit for you to go more regularly.

How old is your toddler that you haven't been before?

She's 3 but I returned to work very early with her and she started nursery so there was never any need for us to go to one.

If your library does a rhyme time type one try that. The sort with planned activities are much easier to go to alone than the free play and mums natter type.

@XmasPostmanBos I love the idea of it I'm just a bit nervous. What do you think I'll hate? I would love an idea of what actually happens?

@XmasPostmanBos

Really helpful comment there. Do you act like a dick in real life?

Try it @nervousmums. If you don't like it then you don't have to go again but maybe you'll make some friends and so will your DCs!

On my experience, most people sit in groups, not necessarily arrive at the same time, but just know each other. It’s much easier if you know at least one other person going. However, since you have a toddler at least you can join them playing and that’ll pass the time, rather than sitting with a sleeping baby wishing somebody would talk to you! The more you do it the easier it gets, good luck!

Oh thanks everyone! I will also have a baby with me so joining in play not too easy although a smashing idea. I think I'll just be brave and try it. I don't want dd to be nervous as an adult so at least if she sees us trying! How bad can it be? Need to try and get out comfort zone for her sake if nothing else! I find myself a bit short with her at times and it's a real shame as she's bored.

Agree with previous posters go to a library rhymetime session.
Most people are singing/playing with their own kids but there’s still chances to make conversation.
I always feel awkward but sometimes it’s easier to talk to the kids first “Oh that’s a lovely top” “you were singing very nicely”

I found them comparatively unfriendly new arrival in a village but to be honest, I was going to get out of the house, and for DS to have some new toys to toddle about with, so it was a win-win scenario. Sometimes I talked to people, sometimes I read my book and had a peaceful cup of tea and supervised DS.

They're all different. The one by me, you just turn up, the children play, they get a small snack, the parents get tea and coffee, they do some singing and stories and then you go home.

Some people go in groups but some people go on their own.

Round here there are toddler groups everywhere, church halls, soft play, library, community centres, they all do different things.

Personally I've never stuck at going to any but that's me.

The only way to find out if you enjoy it is to go to one.

Op don't be put of going just because you're going alone.

Yes it can be true that people know each other, but you are just as entitled to go as they are.

I've been and just sat with a cuppa on my own or played with dc.

Like I say I don't really enjoy them but dc did and it does force you to get out.

They all have different set ups.
I go to one every week, I don’t know anyone but same people go so we are familiar to each other. The women that run it are chatty and kind. I usually get tea and cake, 12m old goes off and plays and I chill out for 90mins

I used to go to lots, most were friendly some were awful and cliquey but I just didn't go back to those ones. I went on my own but made friends there. I'd say give it a go but don't give up if you don't like the first one. Good luck!

I'm good friends with a few I met at a toddler group in a new area. We went, had free play, table for snacks, craft activity, singing, home time. I didn't know anyone but just talked to whoever was near my child. My toddler was feral though so I spent most of the time to start with right by her side while trying to feed my newborn.

Anyway, a few years on now and I'm so pleased I went as knew no one in my new town and they formed the basis of a wider circle of friends I now have.

Nothing to lose!

I go on my own.

I put the baby in a sling so i can play with the toddler.

People have been really friendly and helpful.

Give it a go. Try a few if you can and see if you find one that suits you.

Good ones will have a leader who introduces you to people, and creates a culture of friendliness. Try a few, stay where you feel most comfortable.

Thanks so much everyone. I've found one for next Wednesday! I'll give it a try. I'll not think about it too much until then in case I chicken out!

Really helpful comment there. Do you act like a dick in real life?

Sometimes I do and I hate baby groups.

I go to 2 different ones. Both follow roughly same format. Arrive, various toys are set up at little stations round the room. There is usually a baby area for youngest ones. Sign in and pay. Ds toddles around. At the busier one I go with him because it's harder to see where he is and lots of parents don't supervise their dc at all. There is usually a craft activity. About 30 mins before the end its tidy up time, everybody pitches in. Then it's snack time, children all sit at long tables and have fruit, toast, etc. Then song time then home. The quieter one I go to is my preference because you can help yourself to tea and coffee any time.

I feel your pain. I too never went to any until the second round of maternity. Assuming you mean the church hall / children's centre type ones rather than specific class type things, it's usually just a room set out with different activities / toys. The dc roam around. You watch / follow / join in with them as desired & appropriate. There's usually a bit of singing on the rug at the end. You will find the majority of your conversations start with telling your toddler to give it back / share nicely / wait your turn etc etc. They can end there too if you so wish, most people are there for the exact same reason you are.

I went to loads with DS1 as was new to the area. I went on my own and just chatted to people. Always something to say about the kids to strike up conversation - how old, aren't they good at X etc . Some were friendly some weren't but as time went on I started going to lunch with a regular group of other mums after the session and it became routine

Generally there are two types of group.

There is the church/village/community hall type playgroup, though they maybe held in other places such as children's centres.
These are normally based on letting the kids play freely with the toys provided, with refreshments for kids and adults. Some will do a craft, some might have story time or songtime or another organised activity. Often these are run by volunteers, though not always, and often by the parents who attend. Be prepared to make an effort to chat, (if you want to meet people) and when anyone smiles or says hello, respond! Many people make lifelong friends at this type of group. These groups usually cost £2 or £3, and are usually pay as you go.

The other type are the planned activities. Baby gym, music sessions, baby massage, rhyme time at the local library, messy play, baby yoga, tots sports, etc etc.
These are sessions where a leader, runs an activity. If you are shy of meeting people, these might be better, as everyone is involved in an activity. They can however, sometimes cost £££'s. Sometimes need to be booked in advance, or you have to commit to the whole course or a number of sessions. However the leader is paid, and so it is his/her job to make sure everyone is happy.
(Library activities are normally free, of course)

Just go , I used to go to one every day when mine where little . You just make small talk and sometimes you gel with someone . Please take them it's great for them 🤗