To ask for advice on how to split our estate

[KnittedDinosaur]

The will/sisters thread reminded me that I meant to put my confusion to the nest of vipers to see what you all might do in our position.

We have a simple mirror will at the moment but circumstances around extended family have changed and I don’t know what to do for the best.

We have no children and DH is an only child. I have two siblings, one of whom I will have nothing to do with due to her treatment of me in the past. Both siblings have children and we have a number of godchildren. A slight complication is that the sister I do see lives abroad where the tax regime means that IHT would be paid over there by the recipients as well as over here on the estate (though I wonder if I care about that because I would be dead if this tax was due, but it does irk me somewhat).

The change in family circumstances is the sibling I am NC with has just started a family. Obviously it’s not the child’s fault that it’s parent is awful to me, so should I include them. Though wouldnt this be unfair to the other nieces/nephews who have a relationship with me but would also effectively receive less because of the different tax regime.

Clearly am overthinking it, but AIBU to ask what you might do in our situation?

You could set up a trust to pay out equal shares to all nieces and nephews on the date the eldest becomes say 21 (in case there are more to come), being clear that the equal share should be after payment of any taxes due for that child.

Give it to whoever looks after you in your old age without asking for anything. If no such person comes forward, give to charity.

We are NC with one sil. I wouldn't leave a penny to her or her kids. We have strict wording in our wills to ensure that even if we, as a family unit, were to die, that she wouldn't have a claim to any of our estate. As it stands it would go to my siblings and Dh other siblings. Each beneficiary is named. If I were you I'd leave your estate to your sibling who you do speak to if you survive your Dh, and let your Dh dedide where he would like his to go if he survives you. I personally wouldn't be faffing around with leaving bits to nieces/nephews. You can change it again down the line if circumstances change.

We recently did our Wills and a similar dilemma came up in the event of myself, my DH and my kids all dying together.

In that scenario, we decided that we'd leave a fixed sum (3k) to each niece and nephew (of which there are 7, including the children of a sibling who abused me and the son of a sibling who grew up separately and whose child I've never met) and the remainder split in half - DH's half goes to his brother and my half to be split between my remaining two siblings.

I figured that all the crap with their parents had nothing to do with my DN's (all but one of which I'm very close to) but I'm buggered if I'd give the other two of my siblings a penny!

Of course if my kids survive me, they get the lot...