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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you should hand baby back to the mother

45 replies

muffins85 · 30/01/2019 08:26

I'm not sure if I'm bu or not but I'd like some advice for the future if this happens again. Myself and DH went out for dinner for the first time since our dd was born. It was the first time we'd left dd with anyone but ourselves.
Mil came over to look after her which we appreciate. When we got home dd was asleep on mil and I went to take her up. Mil told me she was alright there so I left it and went to make tea. Literally two minutes later she goes il try put her down now in her crib. AIBU to think that mil should have handed my daughter over to me when I went to take her? I'm not someone that won't let anyone hold her, when she arrived I handed dd straight over to mil for a cuddle while I finished off doing a few things. DD is only 10 weeks old. my husband doesn't see it as a big deal.

OP posts:

ittakes2 · 30/01/2019 09:50

sorry I am with your hubby - the baby was asleep and you MIL was making sure she stayed asleep before she moved her to her cot. Too much passing around would have woken her up. It's not about you - its about not waking a sleeping baby. You can cuddle her during her waking hours as much as you like! But I get that it was the first time you left her and probably wanted a cuddle. That's only natural to want that.

Unhappyfat · 30/01/2019 09:53

It’s really not a big deal. Yabu.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2019 09:53

Another one saying YABU

She'd settled the baby and probably just wanted to 'finish the job' and put her down with as little disturbance possible.

Or you could have said, "Aww no I've missed her. I want to give her a cuddle before bed".

GB54 · 30/01/2019 10:15

I don’t think your MIL did anything wrong but why didn’t you say you’ve missed her and wanted a cuddle?

PregnantSea · 30/01/2019 10:19

Yabu but it's totally understandable - your baby is only 10 weeks and it's hard leaving them! Just let it slide and enjoy those moments where MIL pops round to help out - you and DH deserve the occasional dinner out together. It's just your instincts kicking in here.

rainbowstardrops · 30/01/2019 10:30

YABU. Sorry.
I understand that you were probably desperate for a cuddle but MIL was trying to help.
Your husband is right - it really isn't an issue.

RainbowWaffles · 30/01/2019 10:32

YABU. Non- issue and huge fuss about nothing IMO.

Elfinablender · 30/01/2019 10:38

Look op you've been in this game less than 77 days, do not jeapordise the babysitting.

OutPinked · 30/01/2019 10:40

Not a big deal at all.

PerfectPeony · 30/01/2019 10:45

I agree with you.

I also used to get annoyed when MIL would take the baby from me and leave the room. I’d also have to firmly ask for her back when she starts crying.

Just be clear next time, and insist that you want her back- she will soon get the message.

MrsJayy · 30/01/2019 10:55

The mil didn't take the baby the mil was babysitting and had a settled sleeping baby on her.

Jux · 30/01/2019 10:58

I'm with stinkytoe on this. Why disturb a sleeping baby more than you need to?

If mil is akways overbearing then certainly make it clear where your boundaries are, but in thisinstance she was right, so be reasonable. Think about what is best for your baby and then act accordingly.

CaptainCabinets · 30/01/2019 11:01

So MIL did you a favour by babysitting so you could go out, but she’s in the wrong for not wanting to wake a 10 week old by passing her around before putting her in her cot?

You’re being a bit precious and dare I say ungrateful. There are absolutely instances where a baby should go back to the Mum, such as when baby is clearly unsettled, but disturbing a sleeping baby because you want a cuddle is not one of them. YABU.

thecatsthecats · 30/01/2019 11:03

My mum hasn't even held my nephew yet because she says that all he wants/prefers is his mum.

My sister happens to agree, but she also wants to have even five minutes to herself, so she has give and take with the cuddles, een when by instinct she ALSO just wants to cuddle all the time.

Ladyoftheloch · 30/01/2019 11:12

What’s your MIL generally like? This doesn’t sound like a big issue to me but if you generally feel undermined or pushed out by her it’s maybe making you more sensitive about it?

Oysterbabe · 30/01/2019 11:15

You're being ridiculous.

MaryShelley1818 · 30/01/2019 12:17

YABU.
MIL was thinking about what was best for the baby (keeping her settled and sleeping) you wanted what was best for you - which I understand, I got wrong off DH (lighthearted) for waking our sleeping DS up cos I couldn’t stop kissing him!
Please don’t make an issue out of it when she was doing you a favour.

Lifeofsmiley · 30/01/2019 16:33

Wise words elfinbender

cathf · 30/01/2019 16:44

Oh threads like this, are so silly, so they really are.
With all the fangirls pandering to the new mother's ego and martyrdom. Op, and you went out and left your baby, you why was it so important that you held your baby as soon as you got back?
Because you wanted to? Because you have got used to being treated like a princess because you have a new baby?
Get over yourself, really.

Ethel36 · 30/01/2019 16:47

I dont think it was a big deal. She probably thought you could go and relax now the babys down.

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