To get married without any family there.

[Mummysharkdoodoodoo]

Long story, but me and Dp both have not got very good families. I don’t speak to half of mine and the others I’m not very close too. I have my dad but he’s disabled and unable to go out without carers etc.
My dps dad lives in another country, his mum is near enough useless etc.

We had a meeting with the vicar last night so it’s all booked now. We are getting married at the church we attend weekly and where our children to (2 previous marriage, 1 together). We have decided not to tell anyone until it’s done. We aren’t having a big wedding or a party after. To us the marriage is more important but being married in a church is a big thing to us.

This is the tricky part, Dps grandma is a vicar. She lives 200miles away but when the Dc were christened she almost disowned us bevuase we didn’t ask her to do it, in the end we had to ask her.
We don’t want her doing it. Dp isn’t close to her, she’s had a lot of opinions on our relationship (me being previously married- although so has she!). We don’t even want them there.

I don’t know what to do 😩
I want to start our marriage as a solid foundation with the people who have made us strong. Not with people who make us feel bad.

Your dad - if you would otherwise want him there (not clear) could you use a video link?

Do you have to tell the family? Just omit to tell them you are married. My uncle did this. Only told everyone a couple of years afterwards.

I think they (dps side) will go mad 😩

My dad has gave me his blessing to just run away and do it, he’s happy with whatever makes me happy x

Don't have her there! If she disavows you well that's on her.

Then let DP deal with it

Tell him you'll support his decision whichever way because he will be the most affected by it.

It's not like you're inviting your family but not his so there can't be any screams of "it's not fair".
The day is about you, your DP and your DC.

If she does disown you, what's the problem? You don't want anything to do with her anyway so problem solved! Same goes for the rest of them.

Do what feels right for you, your DH and your DC. Don't do things just to please other people.

Thank you!

I would just do it. I've always been a people pleaser but this past year I've tried to become stronger and push back. My husband pointed out to me that my biggest fear was someone not speaking to me anymore but actually if that happened it would be great! Just do it!