Bed times (adults)

[user1479305498]

Aibu to expect to be able to go to bed when I want up to say 11.45 , rather than automatically at same time as husband. I guess it's happened by stealth over last 23 years but I can be reading or on my iPad and next thing TV goes off , lights are being switched off and there seems to be an assumption it's 'bed time' . I've never actually made comments before but suddenly it's dawned on me it seems a bit rude on his part, he doesn't even ask. . No early starts necessary, so it's not as if he needs to be up before 8.45 . Is it something that happens in other marriages, this unilateral bed time thing or just me??

He sounds like a tit.

My wife goes to bed about 90 mins before me. She reads for a bit in bed, I watch stuff or dick about on my phone for a bit, she's usually asleep long before I go up to bed.

It happens in our house too , however he does have an early start. It can grind a bit , mostly because I'm a bit of a night owl.I'm often awake long after he's snoring ... like now 😆
sometimes I stay up , I think he's always a bit shocked if I do though and sometimes I see a smidgen of a pout .

It's very controlling. Why should he dictate when you sleep/when you watch tv etc?

It’s nice to go up to bed together but only if you’re both ready. Turning off the lights without even a discussion about whether you’re tired is weird!

Very rude. I'd be very pissed off if that was being done to me. You're an adult! Who is he, the bedtime police?!!!

Does he say 'bedtine' or what?

I would go batshit if DH turned off tv, lights etc expecting me to go to bed when HE decides!
He normally goes up earlier than me (he has an early start) I’ll go up about an hour after and probably read for a while.
It sounds controlling to say the least.

Don't put up with it! I have always stayed up later than DH- he went to bed at 9.00pm tonight as he is up at 4.40 am this week for a 6.00am start at work. I'm up for work at 6.30 in the morning so in theory I should go at 11.00- but I don't need the same amount of sleep as him- and I'm a grown up and will go when I'm ready - which will probably be 12.30ish! I like to dick about on the internet or read or watch shite TV!
I also like time to myself to unwind.
Sometimes I go before him - usually at the weekend. It's unspoken but last one up switches everything off - your Dh sounds quite controlling- I'd be well pissed off if he switched everything off and expected me to follow him up to bed!
we've been together 25yrs and treat each other with a bit of respect.

No YANBU. You're not a child so he hasn't any reason to dictate when your bedtime is.

Hell no. DP and I are about two hours apart, and we both like the alone time!

Thanks for your comments ladies. Thing that annoys me is if I stay up for day 30 mins after him I can guarantee he will shout down and day are you coming up or what. We have been married23 years and son no longer at home. Yes he is a bit controlling generally , I think the problem is his job involves a lot of controlling aspects and itscarried over.

Should say ‘say’ not ‘day’.

Shout back “no” and carry on. He’ll continue being an arse until you change the pattern. Good luck.

Old habits die hard isn't that the saying? Maybe spell it out to him??
Me and dh discussed it at the start of our relationship and agreed to always go to bed at the same time!
Very busy life (dc +work), and it's our only catch up /us time!!
But if he is ignoring your' plans' that's crappy.

I'd shout back "not a fucking chance" and stay downstairs til I wanted to go to bed, in a separate room.

OP I know it's easy to say that controlling behaviour in relationships isn't ok, but do you think you could challenge some of it and show him you're not going to be controlled any more?

We always go to bed together,always have but if one of us wanted to go to bed later it wouldn't be a big deal the other one would just go up

My ExH was the same!! He was controlling in other ways too (financially, etc). He also used to turn the lights off when we were eating in the evening too, and put a tiny lamp on. I hate eating in the dark!

When he shouts down, just shout up No, I'm not. Simple.

Yes my ex was the same. Controlling about everything. Didn't start of that way but the longer we were together the more he pushed. There was no need for it but he sulked and whinged whenever he didn't get his way.

We generally go to bed at the same time during the week because we both get up at the same time. Weekends are a free for all, I can sleep until 10 on Saturday morning but he gets up at 8 so we have different bedtimes on fri/sat night.

My wife normally goes to bed before me and usually says “come to bed soon for snuggles”. 😆

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, and she’s really not bothered either way. If she turned the TV off etc and announced “BEDTIME” I would laugh and probably tell her to fuck off.

Would never even contemplate doing that to her.

That would annoy me; i generally go to bed earlier than my DH and I never expect him to go to bed just because I do. It is a bit annoying if he comes to bed only 10-15 minutes after me though as I’ll just be about to fall asleep then be woken up by him getting into bed but as it doesn’t happen often I don’t say anything

We generally go around about the same time but the last person going puts the lights off and it's by no means expected of me to go at the same time as DH. If DH starts moving first he will ask if I want the TV left on - I'm usually catching up with messages on the laptop and usually say no, as I'm on my way through in a few minutes. He would never, ever switch the TV and lights off on me.

We have separate bedrooms, so can go when we want. Generally go around the same time though unless one of us is off work.
DH does nag a bit if I stay up late on work nights but for my own good. I need a lot of sleep ue to sleep disorder but am a natural night owl so I need encouraging to go earlier. If I don’t am a miserable cow!