Son with anxiety

[sillym00h]

My 17 year old son has had problems with anxiety since he was 14. he did not attend school during Y10 and Y11 due to his anxiet and received a few hours tuition a week in a PRU.

He officially left school in summer 2017. Since then, he has had one week at college, then he stopped attending; he had three months on a training course, then stopped attending and he has had one day on an apprenticeship and then walked out.

Yesterday he started work in a local shop. He has left after one and a half days.

I have talked to him about going to the GP for more help with his anxiety, which I am sure is at the root of his problem. However, my son refuses to go.

My husband (from whom I am separated) says I am too 'soft' with him and that he is just 'work shy'.

I know this is not the case, but how can I help my son if he won't help himself? He says he hates himself and feels like he is a failure.

You have my sympathy, I know how difficult this situation is. Did he go through any assessments at school, ASD, dyslexia? Or been diagnosed with anxiety?
Did he struggle at school academically, or just with the set-up?

Hi Titchy,

He had an EHCP after he stopped attending school, which stated 'Social, Emotional and Mental Health' issues as his primary need for support. He received extra support for English and Maths at school but has no formal diagnosis of Specific Learning Difficulties.

He was referred for assessment for autism, but he refused/declined to take this further (he was 15 at the time). His diagnosis of GAD was given when he began to refuse school and he had three sessions of CBT, but then, true to form, he refused to attend any more.

His brother has autism and psychosis and his father has Asperger syndrome. His brother is in residential care (but doing well) and his father does not live with us. His father cannot work and is on ESA.

So, there is some context behind his behaviour. However, my problem is that I do not really know what to do to help him.

He has an interview for an apprentice gym instructor in two week's time. He loves gym, but I fear he will simply walk away from this opportunity once the pressure of change arises.

I remain very positive in his presence, but I despair for his future if this pattern of refusal continues.

Goodness that sounds like a lot on your plates.
Sounds like he is really self sabotaging. I have a child who does the same, whenever there is any pressure or weight of expectation there is anxiety and/or refusal, however enjoyable the activity. It's upsetting to see I wish I had more advice!

Are the gym interviewers aware of your son's anxiety? I think people (employers) are gradually becoming more understanding.

It might be useful to get this thread moved to SEN.