Teacher comments - worth raising?

[Lanzagrotty]

This evening on the way home from school in the car my younger son said he was sitting next to his teacher at lunch.
He told her that his brother was X and in Year 6. She apparently said ‘yes, everyone knows who X is, and not in a good way!’
Then he says she asked if he was like that at home and my younger son said no.
My older son started really sobbing at this. One of his issues is that he thinks the teachers have it in for him at school. We of course tell him that’s not the case but this will have set him back loads.
He has been in trouble for being rude to teachers in the past. But he has really turned it around this year and his class teacher said he has been ‘excellent’ this term.
Is it reasonable to complain about this? I tried to ring after school but she wasn’t available and now won’t be back until next week.
Totally outing if teacher reads this but half hope she does. My son was devastated!
Plus I’m pretty sure my younger son is telling truth as he’s adamant and I don’t think he’d use those words if they weren’t said to him

No, I get that OP, and sorry he's upset. Still "not in a good way ... is he like that at home" - it's not the end of the world.

If she said "yes I have heard he's a right little shit" fair enough!

This thread is a good argument for pupils and teachers eating lunch apart.

Well I wouldn't go near eating kids with a bargepole but I think unless you're saying a teacher shouldn't ever talk to a kid, that's a bit stupid!

Sounds very unprofessional. Have a word with Head.

He’s at the age where he’s started to get how he is supposed to behave.

11. He is 11. He is well past that age. But at least he is trying now.

What do you mean by a hostile atmosphere at school?

Totally unprofessional of the teacher. Teachers talk, fine. Amongst themselves. Not with other pupils. Or parents. It is a pretty simple concept

Yes, children who are a PITA in one way or another are often judged and commented on in the staffroom, amongst staff. Along with other topics unsuitable to share with a wider audience.But the teacher crossed the line being seriously negative about him to another child.Unprofessional and unkind.
Check what was actually said, but I think you’re justified in wanting to take it further.

What I mean, artfullydead, is that we all need time to ourselves. To let off steam. Teachers to talk to teachers, and children to talk to children. Peer interaction. Hope this doesn't sound too 'stupid'.

By hostile I mean the TAs in particular seem fed up. And from a comment or two there doesn’t seem to be much respect for them from one teacher in particular.
My sons class has a weird dynamic - lots of disruptive kids even though many children have left or been asked to leave. Other classes seem ok

I agree but it's quite common for teachers to eat with kids at primary school.

What was stupid was stating that this was a reason teachers shouldn't eat with children

That’s not normal op. Many children asked go leave! That's appalling.

Could it be possible that your DS has possible selective demand avoidance? There is a PDA Society and it might be worth checking this on the website.

In my opinion, this is something that is often overlooked but I hope that before long, it will be as routinely checked for as ASD.

How horrible for your son to be labelled 'naughty' in this way especially as a hostile atmosphere might be responsible for suspected PDA. It would explain why it doesn't happen at home or clubs.

Maybe an apology from the teacher to your boy might work wonders, although that is probably a long shot! Worth asking for it though.

That wasn't very tactful of the teacher, but how old is your younger DS? I think if you are going to bring it up with the teacher or school management, you should also have a chat with your younger DS about repeating things other people have said and about saying things that might hurt someone's feelings. I would expect any child 6 or over to understand that repeating what the teacher said would hurt his brothers feelings.

changing people's poor opinions of you takes much longer than it takes to get a bad reputation in the first place

This.

Unprofessional, but he has over reacted. It is your job to comfort him, but I would not go to the school.

The teacher was telling the truth, you might not like it but that’s what happens when you misbehave . Hopefully he’s learnt his lesson .

Your younger son will learn not to behave like your older son at school. The teacher has done you a favour !

Outrageous remarks! @PurpleTigerLove.

If this child is struggling with PDA, he is struggling and needs support not this type of arms folded, smug comment.

Even if he isn't, no child is 'naughty' without a reason. I hate the term, 'naughty' anyway. It really isn't helpful.

Who mentioned “naughty” ? I said misbehaving . A child has a reputation among the staff for bad behaviour and rather than assume he’s pushing the boundaries or showing off or whatever other reason children misbehave , you jump to the conclusion that he has some kind of additional needs . Wise up !

I am not jumping to conclusions. I suggested it might be the case and highlighted the PDA website.

There is always a reason for a child "misbehaving" and it is up to adults to find it and deal with it in a sensitive, loving, non-judgemental way.

However, it seems that we will have to disagree.

Errrr yeah that has its place. Kids who think they can argue with you that black is white and are rude often aren't popular with other kids either.

No one - not least the OP - has said his previous behaviour was acceptable.

However this teacher is new. Started when he improved his behaviour with a teacher who's been very positive about his behaviour.

She shouldn't be highlighting the past without it having a contextual reference to a present situation. And not to a young sibling.