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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed at ds teacher

28 replies

nataliejc77 · 29/01/2019 16:35

Hi,
My ds (who is 3 amd August born) is in school nursery. He has taken months to settle in, 2 months ago i booked an appointment with his teacher as he seems to be developmentally behind. It was agreed that it would probably be in his best interests to repeat nursery next year and she would provide a letter of support for the council. Just a couple of sentences needed.
The letter never came, i did remind her after a couple of weeks but still nothing. I am still upset. AIBU ? As the gaps widens between the children and ds it is important that he is delayed but i am now on my own. According to her she is an expert at this and knew what to do. I have never asked for anything before as i do realise how busy they are.
Parents evening is coming up and i don't want to go. I haven't seen her since before Christmas but i cant avoid her now or can i? Am i beind an idiot as i cant seem to get passed this

OP posts:
RangeRider · 29/01/2019 16:38

Why not go and ask her?

KateGrey · 29/01/2019 16:40

Never trust anyone who calls themselves an expert. Have you brought the delays up with your HV? I’d also bring it up with nursery at the next parents evening

garethsouthgatesmrs · 29/01/2019 16:41

Are you sure he council never got thr letter? I imagine she would still have time to write it even if it"s past the official deadline. Why not contact the council now and ask them what you should do then follow up with her by email tonight and then in person tomorrow. No point being angry and doing nothing about it.

themoomoo · 29/01/2019 16:41

are you american?

LivLemler · 29/01/2019 16:42

Has the deadline for the letter passed? If not, surely the best thing would be to go as chase her for it?

Patchworksack · 29/01/2019 16:43

Just go and talk to her! But I would also get your HV to come out and do a development check and if appropriate refer you to community paediatrics.

Neversurrender65 · 29/01/2019 16:44

In what way do you think he is developmentally behind? Is there things you can do at home with him more?

Chase the letter though if it was promised. Agree, you must go and talk to his teacher, find out how he is doing, you just need clarification and then you can plan for his next stage of development.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2019 16:44

Sorry, can you explain why you can't just ask her again?

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 29/01/2019 16:47

You need to chase it up. No point being pissed off about it and then avoiding the person who could help sort all this out when you could just ask. Why the hell would you do that?!

FWIW when my child was awaiting an EHCP I made an utter nuisance of myself while reports/letters/referrals were gathered together and sent off, checking things had been done in order for my child to get the education he was entitled to and needed. The staff understood that.

mummyof2boys30 · 29/01/2019 16:49

You really need to push for an educational psychologist assessment and also see a paeditrican. Unfortunately with a child with SEN you will have to fight for absolutely everything

Drogosnextwife · 29/01/2019 16:49

Why on earth would you try and avoid her for something so important? Surely if you're child is struggling and needs some an extra year at nursery you would go and talk to someone instead of hiding from them!

SuziQ10 · 29/01/2019 16:52

Just speak to the teacher about it. Why avoid her, you need to sort the situation out. Just ask for an update & what progress has been made in contacting the relevant council service.

Fortshite · 29/01/2019 16:56

Sorry op but your post makes no sense.

Are you in the UK because surely primary school applications would have needed to be in by now?

Why would you avoid the teacher instead of just asking her?

In what ways is your ds delayed? Afaik delaying school will just mean he will miss year reception altogether, will he be caught up enough by then? You have 8 months to work with him to catch up enough to start school.

KitKatCHA · 29/01/2019 16:58

Join the Facebook group, 'Flexible school admissions for summer borns'.

KitKatCHA · 29/01/2019 17:00

I have just had confirmation that my August born DD will do a an extra year in nursery and start reception aged 5y1w

Ladymargarethall · 29/01/2019 17:13

If he is in a nursery attached to a school the Head teacher would be the one to approach. The class teacher would not have the authority. Even if she was the SENCo the Head would have the last word.

Original poster
nataliejc77 · 29/01/2019 17:49

The school admissions deadline has passed so it seems pointless to ask why she didnt do something from November but it did leave me in bind.
I dont have a hv, ds is 3 he is not hugely delayed in one area but across the board and socially he struggles

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 29/01/2019 17:53

You will have a HV, even if you don’t know who it is, you can contact your GP surgery and ask for the number for the HV team for your area.

missyB1 · 29/01/2019 17:57

You will definitely have a HV find out from the GP surgery and ask for an appointment with them.
Speak to the teacher and ask her to clarify about the letter.

Original poster
nataliejc77 · 29/01/2019 17:59

I haven't been avoiding her i haven't seen her. We leave dc at the nursery door but you are right i asked her twice and then a nudge. I was assured it was coming so i didnt ask again.
I have an eldest child and he was also in a similar position at the same age. And i manage to delay him. Both children seem to stall with their progress.
For our council, they want someone who knows the child to support us. Headteacher i have never met. Its a big school.
No im not American.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 29/01/2019 18:00

If you do turn out to have a DC who is delayed / has SN, you will need to get good at advocating and chasing.

Your DS is your top priority. For everyone else he is one of a number of children they deal with, amongst a whole host of other responsibilities.

Therefore you need to agree deadlines, and chase, and query.

#1 Contact admissions and confirm you are interested in deferring but still awaiting a letter from nursery. Ask them to confirm the process. If they say 'No' ask how this can be appealed.
#2 Ask nursery to do this by middle of next week. Explain what admissions have told you …
#3 Ask HV to visit you to do an assessment
etc.

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 18:03

Are you in the UK? If so you will have a health visitor. They can help you with this.

Original poster
nataliejc77 · 31/01/2019 10:52

Yes, i am in the UK
He isn't really a SEN child. His speech is a little behind, socially a little awkward.
I think he is just young, as an August born he just needs more time as he just wants to be with the teachers. Nursery are also not convinced it is anything other than not being mature enough. I have taken him to the doctors and they dont think there alis anything to worry about.
Of course, i could just ask his teacher what happened to the letter, but i am rubbish at confrontation and the deadline for sending it to the council has passed. I am just disappointed that something which is so important to my son was never completed. It has also been over 2 months, i guess not seeing her for over 6 weeks i thought i had got over my annoyance with her but i haven't.
I did call the council yesterday and they never received anything from the school nursery.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 31/01/2019 10:55

I don't care what the teacher has done, YABVU to piss at her. Some poor sod will have to wipe it up. What if someone slipped on it?

Mummyshark2018 · 31/01/2019 10:57

You can still request a deferral now, even after the closing date for admissions as they are two separate processes. You sound very defeatest. You have a child you you have already deferred so you should have a rough idea what you need to do. In the nicest possible way pull you finger out and advocate for your child.

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