To feel awkward around DH

[Whattodonut]

DH and I have been trying to rekindle our marriage. It's not been bad, we've just been distant from each other since DD3 was born. We say we still love each other but I tell DH I'd like more affection and he's beeen trying.
What its made me realise is that I'm awkward around DH now. If he pays me a compliment I'm embarrassed. When we (rarely) have sex I feel embarrassed about my body ( he still looks amazing. I look so much older and saggier than when we met)
I can't bear to have the lights on. And that makes me angry because i want to see him, i just don't want either of us to see me. I want to feel excited but I just feel awkward. We're such good friends but it's like having sex (really good sex!) with a friend
It's on me. He says he doesn't feel awkward and doesn't not want to see me.
What can I do?!

He obviously wants to see you, and doesn't think there is anything wrong with your body. I know it's ok me saying that (believe me I feel the same way as u). But I think he's trying to rekindle things and u should let him and see how it goes. Best of luck

I’ve found similar with my dh. We have two dc with Sen and two other children so life has gotten in the way. Maybe start rediscovering yourself and loving yourself if that doesn’t sound too corny.

Thanks
It feels a bit like we've been asleep or looking somewhere else. And now we're looking at each other its hard to be a couple again

I'm no expert but here's my opinion..
Because a distance put between you recently, obviously the relationship isnt the same as it once was, so therefore connection you once had with your DH isn't the same and your feelings of comfort and familiarity have changed in some way. (Hence feeling awkward)
You both still love eachother and nothing major has happened (cheating for example) so it can 100% be worked on, you just have to give it time and slowly but surely that spark will come back.

In the mean time if you can and want to, do something to boost your confidence/self esteem so you feel good about yourself again. That may help with intimacy.

I really do think everything will be fine and you've just hit a bump in the road, which happens, the fact that you're both willing to work on it speaks volumes about what you both mean to eachother.
Good luck and I hope all this turns around for you both very soon . (I'm betting it will )

@iownabigvase

That is a really sweet message. Thanks
I think (hope!) you're right!
I don't know how ro reconnect. We've been together so long... and our connection was made whilst drunk and young! I don't know how to do it again.

If you are still having really good sex.. albeit... rarely i would say there is still hope.

I sounds like you need to build your own confidence up. Me and my DP have sex at least 2/3 times a week most weeks but when i have put on a bit of weight and im feeling a bit down it goes down to once every week or two! So i work on losing a few pounds and within a few weeks we are back to "normal" again.

Maybe have some soft lighting in the room.. a few candles so its not pitch black but its not too light either. I think if you get your head around the fact he does still find you attractive and wants to be intimate with you then that will be a good confidence boost and a start at making yourself feel better.

I don't think you need to do anything in particular.. maybe try and spend some quality time together (hard with 3 DC!) Watch films you used to watch together, eat some nice food together, have a drink and a laugh, buy eachother gifts. Whatever! Try to make eachother happy rather than concentrating on how you're feeling at the minute (not saying your feelings aren't relevant, just try not to dwell on the uncertainty/negatives) just relax and try to have fun. Oh and only have sex if you feel like it. I really do believe that having sex when your not into it, just to keep the other person happy, does more damage than good because it just increases all the negative feeling that you're trying to get past.
Also, talk to him about this, you're both in this together and by the sounds he'll be happy with any suggestions on how to make your relationship stronger again.

And I agree with wild
I'm exactly the same when it come to sex. Can't get enough if I'm feeling good myself but i've im feeling a bit "meh.." about my body it takes a total nose dive. 😒

2 or 3 times a month would be a miracle...